Dear Dr. Renae,
I developed a strong bond with my martial arts coaches after my dad died when I was very young. My mom and other relatives have given me an amazing life and I consider my coaches family. Now that my mom is getting ready to marry a great guy, they are talking about moving out-of-state in the future for a lower cost of living. For many years, I have looked forward to working with my coaches when I enter high school and can’t imagine them in my life not being in my life. They have been my rock, my security, and helped me through tough times. My mom says that I will adjust, but all I feel is a deep sense of loss at even the thought of moving. How can I look forward to high school when my future seems uncertain?
Crying my eyes out
Dear Crying My Eyes Out,
Moving is very difficult when you have to leave behind so many important people. However, when you move to this new place, you’ll meet new people and it could turn out to be a great experience. It’ll be hard leaving your coaches and everyone behind, but with today’s technology, it could be as if you never left. You could FaceTime, call, and text to keep in touch and keep up the strong family-like bond you have.
A friend
Dear Crying My Eyes Out,
I’m so sorry that you are not as excited as your mom and her boyfriend to move. I think that even though you feel a great loss, you can still keep in touch with the coaches thanks to technology. You’re very lucky to have had such great coaches Just because you’re moving, doesn’t mean you’re not able to still maintain a relationship with them. Even though you have hesitation about going to high school, things will be OK because you have a very good attitude and seem optimistic.
Fourteen-year-old who also does martial arts
Dear Crying My Eyes Out,
Thank you for sharing your story – it really touched my heart. If you have such a strong connection to your martial arts coaches, I’m sure that won’t change when you move. I am confident that you will be able to keep in touch with them and share your progress as time goes on. It seems you can’t do much to change the moving situation, but at the same time, you like the guy your mom is going to marry. That’s a huge plus. Maybe you can make an agreement with your mom that she’ll let you come back and visit during the summer. Your coaches might be even be able to give you an assistant job or internship. Stay focused on the positive, and I’m sure you’ll feel better.
A Caring Friend
Dear Crying My Eyes Out,
Change is always difficult, especially if you are surrounded by people who have given you support and comfort during the difficult times. However, change can be easier if you express your concern to those close to you. Talk to you mother and her fiancé about how your feel. You can also discuss the move and how you feel with your coaches. This could help put you at ease. Just because you might move in the future doesn’t mean your coaches have to be completely out of your life. Keep in touch and tell them how aid you are doing can help with the process of change and your thoughts of uncertainty.
Your friend
Dear Crying My Eyes Out,
It’s completely natural to worry about what this new place will be like. Try to think positively about the fact that from moving you will get a new landscape, new experiences, and new people to meet. Talk to your parents and maybe you could even have a say as to where you are moving to make sure you like the school. It’s easy to make new friends and relationships when you get involved in extracurricular activities and you never know, maybe there could be another martial arts place that you will like where you are moving. Remember that you are not alone and technology makes it so easy to keep in touch with people over long distances. It also sounds like you have a great future stepfather so this will give you a chance for your relationship with him to get stronger.
A Caring Friend
Dear Crying My Eyes Out,
It sounds like you have a very caring mother who has always found a way to give the best possible life for you, despite not having a father in your day-to-day life. Trust that your mom has continued to put your needs first by researching everything about the move before deciding what is best for you and the family. She sees a positive future for you in your new community, even better than what you envision in your current community. By maintaining close ties with your coaches and nurturing new relationships, you will increase your support as you enter high school. Having an impressive skill in martial arts will help you to meet friends who share your interest and gain admiration and respect from peers and adults in your new community. You might find it very rewarding to share your daily life experiences with your new stepdad as well. Your life will be different, however, it sounds like it could be even better.
Dr. Renae