Dear Dr. Renae,
I have always had boys as my good friends. I cannot handle the drama and am not into girly things like make up and fashion like most girls my age. I have had several experiences where my guy friends girlfriend becomes jealous of our close relationship. I understand because my relationships with my guy friends have a strong history and we share personal experiences. I have tried becoming friends with the new girlfriend and have tried backing off completely. Neither solution works and I usually wind up getting accused of scheming to steal their boyfriend. How can I handle this better? Can’t guys and girls be just good friends?
15-year-old Good Friend
Dear 15-year-old Good Friend,
I can totally relate. I have always found that guys are easier to be friends with and I’ve been called out by people for this. The best advice I can offer is that you ask your guy friends to take the lead on this one. If the initiation of friendship or backing off comes from you, your friends’ girlfriend will see that as a threat from the onset. But if your guy friends are the ones to tell their girlfriends about you and reassure them, the girls might be more receptive.
It’s a tricky situation, but I think that with open communication on all sides, it can be solved. I wish you luck.
A Caring Teen
Dear 15-year-old Good Friend,
I understand why you feel frustrated and in the middle of things. I believe that a guy who will stay with a jealous girlfriend should make it clear to her and not put all the pressure on you to explain. He chose to date her. If she can’t accept you, I think you should back off completely and stop trying. At the end of the day, you shouldn’t have to give up any friends because of a jealous girlfriend. I would talk to your close guy friend and ask him if he’s willing to have a talk with his girlfriend to clear things up. Good luck.
Your Friend
Dear 15-year-old Good Friend,
Next time there is a girl involved with your guy friend, have him speak to her personally and explain your friendship. He can help ease the transition before you meet or talk to the new girlfriend yourself. When you do meet her, try to make an effort with her so she understands that your relationship with your guy friend is platonic and you are strictly friends. Keep in mind that it isn’t your fault if she is insecure about her relationship. You are doing your best to not interfere. Your guy friend should back you up and help his girlfriend to feel comfortable with your friendship.
A Caring Friend
Dear 15-year-old Good Friend,
It is difficult to manage spending time with a boyfriend or girlfriend, good friends, and family while trying to juggle schoolwork, sports, clubs, and even a job. Most adults struggle with managing their time between job, family, friends, exercise, household management, and hobbies. The strength of your sincere friendship with history and trust is something that surpasses a new romantic relationship. It will take a long time for your guy friend’s new girlfriend to get to know him and you will always know more about his past. Your guy friend can assure his new girlfriend that although you are close, he does not share details about her or their relationship with you. Any girlfriend will be lucky to be with a guy who has you as a friend who cares about his relationships go smoothly.