Ask Dr. Renae: Making virtual friends

Dear Dr. Renae,

I had been looking forward to beginning high school since the beginning of middle school so I could join clubs and try out for sports teams to make friends. I had to separate from my middle school friends since they were not into academics, but getting into trouble and getting high all the time. I have been waiting so long to make new friends and now it seems so difficult remotely. I am shy and do not feel confident with the way I look, especially
online. How can I make friends virtually when it feels awkward to make the first step to reach out to someone?

Shy 9th Grader

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

A huge positive in meeting people remotely is that it gives you a chance to be more authentic and versatile. You can be yourself and broadcast that person. Realistically, there are many in the same space you’re in, looking for friends but not knowing where to start. It can be difficult having a rewarding experience if you aren’t gregarious. The wonderful thing about entering high school, especially in this time period, is that everything is so brand new. Perhaps start small. Make a post about the clubs you want to join or start. If you’re active on social media, see if there’s a “class” page. It usually conveys events that each class can partake in, remotely or in person. I imagine it would look rather different this year but exciting, nonetheless. The key to success is confidence. Sports is also a great bonding topic. I’m sure you’ll make friends in no time. Hope this helps.

Your Friend

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

I understand the difficulties and initial fear of making friends, for I have been in your position as well. The easiest way I was able to make friends is by finding a common interest. For example, if you like to play video games or are interested in a particular show or book, it is easy to find people on the internet who are interested in the same things as you. It may be daunting to make the first move, but easy conversation starters can include “Hi I saw you like (insert show/book/video game/etc.), who is your favorite character?” or “Hi I recently got into (insert show/book/video game/etc.) can you help me find more content from them?” An added bonus of the internet is anonymity, so if you feel uncomfortable you do not need to disclose personal information about yourself until you feel comfortable with the person. Of course, please be cautious on the internet by not exposing where you live or other personal information. Trusting your instincts, you can make great virtual friends. Try finding a club at school and talking with the club members about common interests and how to get involved with the club. I wish you good luck on your endeavors.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

Making friends is difficult, however, the new obstacle of online learning should not discourage you. I would suggest looking into the clubs at your school and attending one of their virtual meetings. From there, you will find people who have attended the meetings and you can then begin to follow them on Instagram. If they’re new like you, you should have a nice starting off point on what you can talk about. Send them a direct message and say how you’re new to the school and how they seem like a nice person and you wanted to get to know them. If they’re a considerate person they will message you back and you’ll be on your way to a new friend! If they don’t message you back, just move on to someone else. It’s all about having enough confidence to get past the first steps. Good luck and I hope you find some great people!

High School Senior

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

I totally feel for you. I remember how excited I was to make new friends in high school and start fresh. The pandemic has caused such a big obstacle when it comes to human contact, but it’s not impossible to make new friends. In my high school, clubs are still meeting virtually which is a nice way you can connect with new people, especially if it’s a club you have a deep interest in. It really comes down to looking at the clubs that your school provides and picking one you really enjoy. It’s also important to keep in mind that all 9th graders are in the same boat as you are and the chances that they’re feeling the same way as you are pretty high. So, don’t psych yourself out too much about approaching people because they most likely also want to make new friends and don’t know how. Wishing you the best of luck.

A High School Senior

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

I want to commend you for having the strength and foresight to separate from your old Middle School friends before making new friends. That takes a lot of courage and confidence! In addition, looking forward to making new friends puts you in a positive place of hopefulness. Courage, confidence and hopefulness is a great formula to begin your journey of finding new friends. You already have the ability and insight to be selective of friends who share your values. Identifying friends who share your passions and interests will follow naturally as you explore clubs at school. Perspective new friends will appreciate you making the first contact as they too might feel shy. You will be part of the first wave of teens to make treasured new friends while social distancing, so you can consider yourself a pioneer.

Dr. Renae

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a
question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website:
https://askdrrenae.com

DECA perseveres at MSD despite COVID

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School’s DECA program is the fourth largest chapter in the world. With CDC safety guidelines and virtual learning set in stone for the remainder of this year, DECA has not allowed the circumstances to limit its outreach to students.

Originally, DECA stood for “Distributive Education Clubs of America,” but it is now known only as DECA, a not-for-profit student organization. Since the club is co-curricular, it only includes students enrolled in the Academy of Finance and/or the Hospitality & Tourism programs offered at MSD.

“In the spring when I was appointed to be the president of DECA, I thought I would be sitting back in the classroom,” co-President Lexie Sealy said. “I feel like I am missing out on engaging with our members. I was really looking forward to meeting the freshmen and new members face to face.” MSD’s DECA is around 700 members strong and as a result, it has become a challenge to connect the members when meetings and socials are done through a computer screen with no real interaction.  With students learning through computers and staring at screens for hours at a time, it has become hard to engage and involve members.

“It is definitely a challenge for our chapter to connect with one another on virtual platforms, especially with all the technical difficulties that come with virtual events,” co-VP of School Activities Raegan DiRenzo said. “Despite this, I feel we’ve made the best of this situation and have been able to participate in engaging officer bonding events and socials.”

As an incentive for more participation, the club introduced a Girls Who Start chapter for students interested in hearing from female entrepreneurs, along with DECA in the Middle, a program where students from Westglades Middle School could learn about business-related concepts.

“Online learning has really made it hard for us to connect with the middle school kids,” VP of Middle School Relations Ziya Kassam said. “Usually we would be able to talk to the members one on one and be there in person whenever they needed, but this year it’s hard for us to communicate efficiently.”

Typically, DECA students compete at state competition and at the International Career Development Conference, where thousands of DECA students come together to compete and develop knowledge and skills for college and careers. Since competitions will no longer be conducted the same way as years prior, resources such as “Manual Monday” and “Testing Tuesday” are available to students who would like to focus more on preparation.

“It’s important to be prepared for competition,” sophomore LJ Russinoff said.

“Our chapter offers [resources] to ensure that our members are as prepare as possible for their events.”

As a result of eLearning, the DECA officer team and advisors have found ways to collaborate and find solutions for more effective networking, learning, and bonding. Just like other clubs and extracurriculars, establishing connections has become a struggle. The DECA program at MSD has learned to combat this issue with strong teamwork and innovative alternatives.

PERSPECTIVES:
Sharon Cutler Academy of Finance teacher and DECA advisor

“From a teacher perspective, I had to rethink my lessons and how I’m going to teach with the understanding that students are looking at a computer screen. I am used to having project based learning so having my students still work in projects and with other people is very important to me. I try to look at what I can do instead of what I can’t.”

Lexie Sealy – DECA Co-President 

“The biggest challenge is keeping members engaged through a computer screen. We have had to take all the events we do every year and figure out a way to make them virtual and engaging for members. COVID-19 has made this position much more difficult than anticipated, but it is so rewarding to hear positive feedback from the student body.”

 Jacob Foster – DECA senior who has gone to state/ICDC competition

“I have competed in state and district competitions every year, and I attended ICDC my sophomore year. Virtual competition is not ideal, but it is understandable since DECA wants to keep everyone safe. My goal this year is to work hard to win at ICDC since this will be my last chance. We have been looking forward to this competition in California since our freshman year, and everyone is hopeful that things will be better in May or April so that we will be able to travel and compete.”