connection Archives -

Dear Dr. Renae,

A member of my immediate family living in my home has a medical condition which makes them immune compromised. Out of love, respect and fear for their safety, I have limited my social interactions. My friends understood at first but have begun subtly pressuring me to go out. I feel very left out, and it really makes it so much harder since I am missing out on so much. I am also worried about infecting my family member, so I have not even been attending school in person. I feel isolated and may be becoming depressed. I just want my friends to understand.

Dear Alone at 17,

Your concern for your family is very honorable. You’ve made the right decision by staying home to keep your family safe. I would suggest talking to your friends and explaining to them how you feel and why you don’t want to go out. I would hope that your friends are mature enough to realize that you are making the right choice in staying home. After that I would suggest just talking to them over the phone or having zoom nights together. There’s a lot of online games that you and your friends can play together, or you can just relax and talk to each other. Remember that you can always have fun even if you’re not physically together. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear Alone at 17,

You are not alone!! There are so many people who are going through the exact same thing as you. I think that you are being very responsible and caring, and I’m sure your friends will see that! I suggest finding a group of people to have nightly zoom calls with and plan fun things to do together on the phone. Another example is to ask your friends to have a socially distant lunch!! I for one have been extremely cautious during COVID like you and one thing I have done to see my friends is having a socially distant lunch or hangout! You pick an outdoors area and go separately with your own blanket and sit apart in a huge circle… lots of feet apart! During these trying times, it is definitely important to find people that can support you on your off days. I hope you are doing well.

Dear Alone at 17,

I have people around me who also pressure me to go out, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I found the best way to remedy the situation is with communication. It may help to communicate with your friends through a video chat or voice call about your experience with the pandemic and how you feel left out. It would also be helpful to come up with some stay-at-home events your friends can do together. I suggest game nights, powerpoint nights, or just chatting on the phone. I hope you don’t feel so alone in the future.

Dear Alone at 17,

It is inconceivable to be robbed of your much anticipated social year and normal for you to feel a loss. Your love and respect for your family is admirable especially for a teen. You sound like you are comfortable with your decision, an important predictor for your ability to make future difficult decisions. Friends who acknowledge and respect your choice will likely stand out head and shoulders above those friends who do not understand. Focusing your attention on these true friends will likely bring you more comfort than focusing attention on those who regrettably surprised you with their lack of support. True friends will find creative ways to remain connected to you, especially now when you need your friends more than ever. In addition, when you are able to finally socialize in person, it will be helpful to know who your true friends are so you can count on them in the future.

Dr. Renae

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com

“There is a castle on a cloud, I like to go there in my sleep,” sings 9-year-old Parkland resident, Emily Jewel Hoder, in her solo as Little Cosette in the national Broadway touring company of “Les Misérables (Les Miz).”

Standing 49.5-inches tall (the half inch is very important, as she must recite this for casting directors) and weighing in at 51 lbs., Hoder is already a triple threat. And like Shirley Temple before her – can sing, dance, act and charm an audience right out of their seats.

With a career that began at the age of 7 at the Wick Theatre in Boca Raton playing Molly in “Annie,” alongside Sally Struthers as Miss Hannigan and George Dvorsky as Daddy Warbucks, Hoder was on the Les Miz tour when the pandemic struck.

“I didn’t let it (the pandemic) stop me from doing what I love,” says Hoder. “Les Miz is the most amazing experience of my whole life.”

With the tour, Hoder traveled to six different cities in two-and-a-half months, including Springfield, MO, Kalamazoo, MI, CIncinnati, OH, Sarasota, FL, Greenfield, SC and Durham, NC where the tour abruptly ended in mid-March.

Her dad, Eric Hoder, a chiropractor, flew out to attend each show.

Performing “Castle on a Cloud” alone on stage was the highlight for Hoder.

“I could see Patrick Dunn (Jean Valjean) and Preston Truman Boyd (Inspector Javert) fighting through the curtain,” she says. “That was the coolest part.”

As a performer, Hoder admires Dunn and says, “He’s a great singer and so cool and funny.”

Performing her solo on stage, Hoder denies feeling nervous and says, “I feel happy and in the moment. I love to perform. My favorite part is making eye contact and connecting with the audience.”

In 2018 Hoder took third-place and $100 at the Coral Springs Got Talent competition for her dance solo and won her first national title as the Believe National overall winner for her solo jazz-acro dance at the Greater Fort Lauderdale/Broward County Convention Center.

Back in Parkland, Hoder has been using her free time during quarantine to network, dance, take classes at Performance Edge Two studio in Boca Raton and perform in three shows at the Wick Theatre.

Through social media, she connected with Tiler Peck, principal dancer of the New York CityBallet, and performed live on Peck’s Instagram feed.

Hoder also has a role in director Brian Schmidt’s feature film, “Payton’s Caper,” and appeared in a music video for Israeli singer Gad Elbaz.

“We’re very proud of Emily,” says her mom, Caroline Hoder, a stay-at-home mom who became Emily’s production crew, IT person and helps her run her lines.

Despite having so much disappointment this year (the tour ended and Broadway closed) Emily continues to connect with people virtually,” says Caroline Hoder.

“I’m happy to support her dreams,” says Caroline Hoder, who was on a similar track as a child, performing at the Swap Shop Circus and with the Miami City Ballet.

“She keeps going and brings joy to others,” she says. “We’re blessed to be able to be home with her and we make a good team.”

A former student at Riverglades Elementary, Hoder is now enrolled in Florida Virtual School and when she’s not rehearsing or taking classes loves to play with her 5-yr. old sister, Sunny, and her two cats, Buttercup and Oreo.

Her advice for other children pursuing similar dreams is “You have to be yourself because you are your biggest cheerleader.”

What are her post-pandemic plans?

Hoder plans to return to New York, says her mom. She has her eye on the “Music Man” (for which she auditioned twice and danced for five consecutive hours, surviving all the cuts).

“Emily wants to inspire other kids to do what they love,” says Caroline Hoder. “Even if they can’t act, dance or sing, they should follow their dreams.”

“I advise other parents to be aware of what your kids are interested in and nurture that,” she says.

Marilyn Wick, CEO of the Wick Theatre says, “Emily has performed many times at The Wick throughout the years, most recently in our Christmas show this past December.”

“Every time she is on stage, she delights the audience with her talent and innate charisma,” says Wick. “She is quite the performer and has been trained very well.”

“We are all expecting big things from this young lady,” Wick says.

To see Emily Jewel Hoder perform, visit Dancekidemily on YouTube and on Instagram: emilyjewel7.

Revised Feb 2nd, 2021 based on updates from the contributor

Tag: connection

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