friendships Archives -

Dear Dr. Renae,

A member of my immediate family living in my home has a medical condition which makes them immune compromised. Out of love, respect and fear for their safety, I have limited my social interactions. My friends understood at first but have begun subtly pressuring me to go out. I feel very left out, and it really makes it so much harder since I am missing out on so much. I am also worried about infecting my family member, so I have not even been attending school in person. I feel isolated and may be becoming depressed. I just want my friends to understand.

Dear Alone at 17,

Your concern for your family is very honorable. You’ve made the right decision by staying home to keep your family safe. I would suggest talking to your friends and explaining to them how you feel and why you don’t want to go out. I would hope that your friends are mature enough to realize that you are making the right choice in staying home. After that I would suggest just talking to them over the phone or having zoom nights together. There’s a lot of online games that you and your friends can play together, or you can just relax and talk to each other. Remember that you can always have fun even if you’re not physically together. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear Alone at 17,

You are not alone!! There are so many people who are going through the exact same thing as you. I think that you are being very responsible and caring, and I’m sure your friends will see that! I suggest finding a group of people to have nightly zoom calls with and plan fun things to do together on the phone. Another example is to ask your friends to have a socially distant lunch!! I for one have been extremely cautious during COVID like you and one thing I have done to see my friends is having a socially distant lunch or hangout! You pick an outdoors area and go separately with your own blanket and sit apart in a huge circle… lots of feet apart! During these trying times, it is definitely important to find people that can support you on your off days. I hope you are doing well.

Dear Alone at 17,

I have people around me who also pressure me to go out, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I found the best way to remedy the situation is with communication. It may help to communicate with your friends through a video chat or voice call about your experience with the pandemic and how you feel left out. It would also be helpful to come up with some stay-at-home events your friends can do together. I suggest game nights, powerpoint nights, or just chatting on the phone. I hope you don’t feel so alone in the future.

Dear Alone at 17,

It is inconceivable to be robbed of your much anticipated social year and normal for you to feel a loss. Your love and respect for your family is admirable especially for a teen. You sound like you are comfortable with your decision, an important predictor for your ability to make future difficult decisions. Friends who acknowledge and respect your choice will likely stand out head and shoulders above those friends who do not understand. Focusing your attention on these true friends will likely bring you more comfort than focusing attention on those who regrettably surprised you with their lack of support. True friends will find creative ways to remain connected to you, especially now when you need your friends more than ever. In addition, when you are able to finally socialize in person, it will be helpful to know who your true friends are so you can count on them in the future.

Dr. Renae

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com

Growing up, I often heard my mom, aunt, and older sister talk about the times they spent in their sororities. All the philanthropic events, sisterhood programs, formal and semi-formal dances: There was never a dull moment.

Between the countless leadership experiences available and lifelong friendships, why not consider joining a fraternity or sorority organization? When I started my freshman year of college, I knew I wanted to attend a university that had sorority organizations.

When I first joined my sorority, people around me would always tell me how the organization was not just four years, but it was for life. Now, a year after graduating, I can proudly say they were right.

With all the unfamiliarity that comes with starting college, having an instant connection with individuals like yourself makes the transition alot easier.

Together, you and your sorority and fraternity pledge class will learn the ins and outs of navigating college together while experiencing many firsts.

Greek life can provide many benefits for members, but a primary advantage of being in a sorority or fraternity in college is having a place to call home.

Being miles away from home, it was nice to have a support system through the good times and the bad. For example, if I did well on a test, I knew I had sisters ready to go celebrate. If I did not perform at my best, I had sisters to bring ice cream over and make me feel better.

No matter if you are in a sorority or fraternity, both organizations offer a diverse group of individuals ranging in ages 18-22.

For example, some people were religious, some people were atheists, and some people were in the organization to amp up their social lives. It really depends on the individual.

The two most popular benefits these organizations provide are
professional and social connections.

1987 University of Florida Alumna, Corinne Rosner, believes that being a sorority alumna is a great way to build up a network of professional and personal connections.

“I have had friends for life who have stood by me through it all. Even people with whom I did not stay in contact, when I ran into them/saw them we had an immediate connection and affiliation because of the sorority,” Corinne said.

According to writer Neil Kokemuller from SeattlePi, a local Seattle Newspaper, a sorority or fraternity is a social community where students engage in bonding and fun activities.

“This provides a supportive, homelike environment which helps ease
the transition into school and allows for growth and independence
during school,” Kokemuller said.

1984 Davidson College alumnae, Andy Rock, believes that being in a
fraternity opened up the world for him socially.

“Being in a fraternity allowed me to get to know interesting people from different places, and through them, we got to know the places. I felt like I was being supported through my brothers and the connections we made through the years,” Rock said.

Corinne agrees. “No matter where the person went to school or the year they went, we still have this connection,” She said.

Not only does being in a Greek organization help you socially or professionally, but it allows individuals to stay up to date with the world around them.

“It has enabled me to be in contact with people from the community and resources that otherwise I would not know about,” Rock said.

In my three and half years of being in a sorority, I never thought that it would leave such an impact on my life. Not only was I given multiple leadership experiences and memories for a lifetime, but I have made numerous connections to help me in my graduate and adult life today.

Even though I am miles away from my friends and now working on another degree, I have wonderful memories I hold so dearly.

For families deciding on college choices or if you should be a part of the Greek community at your school, think about all the added benefits and experiences coming your way.

Dear Dr. Renae,

Alone at 17

Dear Alone at 17,

High School Senior

Dear Alone at 17,

A Caring Friend

Dear Alone at 17,

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Alone at 17,

Dr. Renae