The holidays during COVID

 

Rabbi Stollman

Approaching the 9th month of the pandemic, we are faced with the challenge, yet again, of how to celebrate a holiday during a time of isolation and separation.

As many families cancelled their annual Thanksgiving dinners with  relatives in order to remain safe, we continue to experience the ongoing sense of loss and grief. I am not sure we will ever get to a stage of acceptance.

Hanukkah, known as the Festival of Lights, runs from December 10 through December 18. How can it help illuminate a dark and sad time for us? Originally intended to be a private celebration at home, hanukkiyahs, or menorahs, are displayed in the window for the passerby to enjoy. This year, they will continue to light the darkness, even if no one is on the street to see it. As the light grows with each night of the eight-branched candelabrum, we hope to bring more light into our world. The light commemorates the legend of the single cruse of oil that lasted eight nights. We traditionally eat foods fried in oil such as latkes, potato pancakes, or sufganiyot, jelly donuts. Due to the influence of other December holidays, it has also become the main gift- giving holiday for Jews in North America.

Most people do not know this, but because Hanukkah does not originate in the Bible, it is considered a minor festival. While Jews often gather for parties and public candle lightings, it is perfectly acceptable (although maybe not preferable) to celebrate with those only in your household. If not, virtual gatherings may be an option as well, or following CDC guidelines for celebrating outdoors.

The word Hanukkah comes from the Hebrew word for dedication, and it is derived from the Maccabees’ rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. While we are not celebrating as we might have in the past, we can rededicate ourselves to what is most important. The moral of the Hanukkah story in the ancient texts reminds us that “Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit says the Lord of Hosts” (Zech 4:6). Faith and hope can be more useful than strength sometimes.

I encourage you to see this holiday as an opportunity to help bring light into the world– from donating money or gifts to charitable organizations, called tzedakah. While we may feel physically restricted this year, we are still blessed with our religious freedoms to celebrate and many of us have the means to help others.

Let us remember the importance of the blessings we say on the fi rst night as we light the lone candle. In addition to thanking God for enabling us to fulfi ll the mitzvah or commandment of kindling the holiday lights, we thank God for helping us reach this season, and the great miracle that took place for our ancestors. No matter what we face in the world right now, we still can thank God for what we have, including the blessing of each new day and the hope for a brighter tomorrow.

Pastor Andy Hagen

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. Isaiah 9:2 We have been walking through a unique kind of darkness these past eight months. Without warning, we were plunged into darkness when the COVID pandemic arrived. In this darkness, we experienced fear of contracting the illness, worry, and grief for those affected, anxiety due to a shaken economy, tension over increased political division, and confusion over safe practices. The greatest darkness may well be a sense of isolation from each other.

The blessing of belonging to a community of faith is that our members have had many opportunities to “walk in the light” together. Our Bible studies and small groups have continued to meet through the blessing of Zoom and in person when safe. I’ll never forget the smiles of joy the first time some of our seniors figured out how to join us online! Safely distanced, we’ve been able to worship together since May. It is a strange thing as a pastor to preach to a room of bank robbers! One woman shared with me that her church is the only thing that has kept her from loneliness and despair. “How are those who don’t have a church getting through?” she wondered. Not well, I fear, for the darkness is deep.

My family has also been looking forward to the ray of light expected with our first grandchild’s arrival in January. Our weeks and months have been filled with the same kind of excitement and anticipation that inspired Isaiah to share words of hope to those people walking in darkness- “For to us a child is born, a son is given.” Isaiah 9:6 May such joy dawn on us all.

 

Dating during the pandemic

In addition to all of the tragic circumstances, COVID-19 has thrown romance for a loop.

Over the last seven months of the pandemic, individuals continue to long for social interaction, whether it is virtual or socially distanced. Before the pandemic, we did not know how fortunate we were to easily meet with a friend for coffee or fly and visit a different state until those types of activities were taken from us in a matter of months.

Josh and I began dating a month before the pandemic began. Right when we were getting to know each other we had to begin thinking about what mattered to us and how we would make our new relationship work during the pandemic.

Both Josh and I are very family oriented and have grandparents with health conditions. This meant that we had to create some sort of plan where we could still see each other, but also respect our families and their health.

We did not want to have one of us move in with the other’s family because it would not be fair to the other, so we had to weigh our options.

I decided to reach out to my older sister, Stephanie. She had already moved away to quarantine with her boyfriend in his hometown. Stephanie graciously offered Josh and I the opportunity to quarantine together in her vacant Miami apartment.

Two months into our relationship, Josh and I, along with my 9-month-old puppy Ellie, moved in.

A lot of my friends thought we were crazy.

“How are you going to quarantine with a guy you have only been dating for a month?”

“Isn’t it too soon?”

“Julie, are you sure?”

Sure, my friends’ comments were valid, but they were also wrong. The quarantine brought Josh and I closer and allowed us to get comfortable faster.

With all the time we had by ourselves we were able to see each other’s strengths and differences. We learned more about each other and created some of the best memories. I learned that Josh makes a mean steak and Josh learned that he could always count on baked goods due to my love of baking.

Around the beginning of May, my sister returned. I moved back in with my parents and Josh prepared to move into his new apartment. I work from home and Josh works at his law firm. Since the shutdown, his firm has put in strict social distance protocols in accordance with CDC guidelines. We see each other often as well as our families, and only surround ourselves with people we have been around from the start of the pandemic.

As the pandemic continues, some people choose to date online, some continue with the traditional dating route in person, and some have just stopped dating.

“It’s weird. You want to be conscious of what is going on in the world but at the same time you don’t want to be alone,” Jessica Harper, 23-year-old Florida resident, said.

Online dating sites report record use as singles look for someone to connect with and bring some light into these uncertain times.

According to the popular dating site Hinge, messages on the application have increased by 30% since the pandemic began. Dating in the age of COVID-19 is simple for some and difficult for others. Instead of fearing rejection, ghosting, or catfishing, you now have to worry about infection.

College senior, Edramy Mancheno says, “I am not dating during COVID because I don’t trust random people I don’t know; so I don’t know if they’re safe from the virus or not. Since I live with my parents there is a higher risk of them being infected too.” “I definitely feel like I’m going on less dates. I’m trying to figure out beforehand if this is someone I’d even enjoy a date with because of the risk of COVID,” Harper said.

But how do you figure out beforehand the risks of meeting someone? Do they wash their hands regularly? Who are their contacts?

We have to pick and choose what is important to us. No one knows when the pandemic will subside, so why stop living your life? Get out there, whether on a virtual or socially-distanced date, depending on your comfort level.

 

I know Mickey’s not Mom, but still…

I don’t think I’m losing it, at least I hope not, but as Mickey grows, I have the strangest feeling that something about him reminds me of my mother.

It isn’t that he looks like my mom but when he looks at me I immediately think of my mom. At first, I thought the obvious (lol), my mom was reincarnated into my life as my dog. Although I am open to forces beyond my comprehension, this is not my real belief, so I continued to think about this strange feeling.

My second idea was that I was missing my mother in this second year after her death. I was experiencing what psychologists call transference, substituting my absent love for her onto Mickey. That just didn’t seem like the answer either. I have had plenty of love from my husband, family, and friends, so I didn’t think this answered the feeling either.

After more thought and soul searching, I think I realized what it is. There is nothing in this world like a mother’s love for her child. This love is unconditional, boundless, and always, always there. And how does the child feel their mother’s love? Through touch and care, but most of all in the absolute love that shines in their mother’s eyes.

That look is often the way Mickey looks at me. The love between people and dogs is a popular theme of endless books and movies. Who else greets you each and every time you return home with love with unlimited joy. Who else kisses you endlessly with their licks just to show how important you are to them. And who else looks at you with unconditional love and joy simply because you are in their lives. The answer is, of course, your dog. That wonderful look that Mickey gives me reminds me of my Mom and brings me to joy and tears.

One of the benefits of getting Mickey was that I have met a whole host of people in my neighborhood that I never knew before. These are all the dog owners that I meet while out walking Mickey.

Among the dogs we have met, one of Mickey’s favorite is Bailey, a cavapoo owned by Jodi. Every time our walks coincide, both Mickey and Bailey are joyous, and Jodi and I have really good conversations. I think she is a kindred spirit.

Jill and Mickey

I had to share my thoughts about Mickey and my mom with Jodi, whose mom had passed away a number of years ago. I started by saying that I had something strange to share, that Mickey reminded me of someone. Before I had a chance to go further Jodi finished my thought. She said, ”He reminds you of your mother doesn’t he?

Well, I was completely amazed. “How did you know that?” I asked. She said that Baxter, her other dog, reminds her of her mother. She feels that Baxter has her mom’s spirit and was sent to watch over her. She said, “It is all in the eyes.” It couldn’t have been coincidence that we both felt the exact same feeling and I don’t think either of us are crazy. I explained my theory to Jodi, and while she sees my point, she believes it is spiritual not just the love I described. Who knows and it doesn’t really matter.

How lucky we are to have this feeling and enjoy the love of our dogs and wonderful memories of our mothers. We can’t be the only ones believing their dog reminds them of someone loved and lost, but I have not yet shared my thoughts with others. Now I am sharing my feelings with you. I wonder if you have experienced this as well?

One last thought, I am reminded about the importance of our eyes since we are now wearing masks. Without seeing another person’s smile or facial expression, without enjoying a hug or handshake, the eyes have to communicate all our emotions. From our dogs to our moms, it is all in the eyes.

Wedding plans march on

Weddings are an important event and milestone. All across the world, couples have had to change wedding plans, details, and dates because of COVID-19. The pandemic has severely affected weddings, engagements, and the industry as a whole.

The Wedding Hero team

Jana Tobey, the owner of Wedding Hero, a full-service wedding company, has firsthand experience. “March 2020, at the height of COVID, I began my company. Initially, there were cancellations. March and April weddings moved to October. Now, as I am coming into the burrow months, we are finding that people are done canceling and want to get married.”

In light of COVID-19, Wedding Hero has taken the necessary precautions. “If a bride wants to do a big or small wedding, my team and I ensure that there are social distancing parameters. All employees are wearing masks. We do it out of respect for our guests to make them feel comfortable,” Tobey said.

In addition to postponing these dream weddings due to the COVID-19
pandemic, several people have delayed their ideal proposal.

Due to the pandemic shutting down South Florida, family-owned luxury jeweler, J.R. Dunn Jewelers, launched a giveaway for one lucky winner to “Say it Big” and propose in front of millions of people, on the busiest roadway in South Florida, I-95.

Patrick Callahan of Delray Beach, Florida, was the winner. Patrick planned an elaborate proposal for the love of his life, Taylor, after six years of being together.

On August 17th, 2020, Taylor thought she was going for a birthday
weekend trip to the Florida Keys with Patrick. On their way, they made a pit stop at the Deering Estate in Miami. Patrick led Taylor to the center of a beautiful setting and proposed to her with a solitaire diamond engagement ring from J.R. Dunn Jewelers.

Mr. and Mrs. Callahan

Taylor said yes!

After the proposal, the couple drove to a surprise dinner with all of their closest friends and family. On their way, they passed J.R. Dunn’s billboard reading, “Taylor, will you marry me?  Patrick” with one of their most coveted pictures together.

Taylor was in awe of the endless surprises Patrick had planned. “Love is not canceled! Whether we plan your intimate wedding of thirty now or continue to push forward to the wedding for 300 in the future, we WILL make it happen!” Tobey said.

We wish Mr. and Mrs. Callahan a huge congratulations and cheers to many more memorable moments.