Directed by Michelle Boyaner and produced by Parkland resident Wendy Zipes Hunter, “It’s Not a Burden: The Humor and Heartache of Raising Elderly Parents” is a deeply intimate documentary that follows its director as she serves as the primary caretaker for her elderly parents, Elaine and Morris. Each parent struggles with their own battle incited by old age, with Elaine suffering from dementia and Morris being a hoarder.
©2021 Greenie Films
Supplementing her own personal story and composing the majority of the film is a composition of around 20 vignettes, each telling their own story of adults providing care for their elderly parents. Each vignette features a retrospective of each parent’s life, an account of their current struggles, and occasionally an update on the family’s story.
Boyaner’s impetus for dedicating such a considerable portion of her documentary toward other people’s struggles instead of her own is to convey the film’s central message.
Coming directly from Boyaner, the message of this film is, “You are not alone. If you are somewhere in the midst of this journey, helping your parent/parents, you are not alone. Look at the people in this film, all walks of life, navigating their own version of the same thing. You are not alone.”
©2021 Greenie Films
In each story, including her own, it is an uphill battle against old age. Boyaner is frank in showcasing that elderly care is often embarrassing and melancholy, for both parties.
However, as Boyaner presents, no one family is solitary dealing with the strife of old age. Although each family struggles, they prove strong in the face of life’s great equalizer, and they are able to see the final time spent with their loved ones as a blessing rather than a burden.
Below is a portion of my interview with Boyaner.
Q. What kind of philosophy or belief system do you believe people should take into the final stages of their lives?
A. I relied very heavily on the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande, as it explores the last stages of life through personal stories and focuses on quality of life. I highly recommend this book (you should see my copy, it’s marked up like a textbook).
Q. After filming, did you do any follow-ups with the families you interviewed?
A. We have kept in touch with many of the families we met with for “It’s Not a Burden,” and although “follow-ups” are not contained in the film, we have been in touch. The bulk of the filming with the other families was from 2016 to 2019, so unfortunately some of the parents have now passed away, and we’ve been in touch with families as they have grieved their losses. We also continue to celebrate milestones with those who are still with us.
Q. During filming, was it ever difficult for the people you interviewed to talk about their circumstances?
A. Every family who opened their homes and their hearts to us were taking a chance. They were honest and vulnerable and shared stories about their own experiences that they hoped would help other people. Those we spoke to were truly heroes and we are so grateful to them for trusting us with their truths and knowing that what we were creating was going to become something to help.
Q. What is your favorite memory with your mother?
A. I have certain memories, snapshots of simpler times from very early in my childhood that stand out as magical with my mother. In more recent times, it has just become a montage of all the time we spent — as you see in the film — out on adventures, running errands, just being together.
Q. Do you have any advice for anyone who is currently going through something similar to what you experienced?
A. My advice is really contained in the film: Let’s try harder to regard each other. To take a minute. To spend the time. To be patient. To listen. To not just see an older person as their age or their ailment but realize that they’ve lived a whole life filled with memories, and they’re still here, and it’s vital that they have a sense of purpose.
