Ask Dr. Renae: Worried about the cost of the COVID school gap

Dear Dr. Renae,

I hear some teachers commenting on this school year being a lost year and all the students winding up a year behind. I am aware that I didn’t learn as much as I would have since online was not as good as in person for some subjects. I worry about being prepared for college entrance exams and college coursework. I am even more worried about my younger sister who is struggling to learn how to read. I notice how frustrated the teachers are as well. Many of my peers are upset about missing out on social activities but I am thinking about my future. Am I weird for worrying about my education?

Unprepared High School Junior

Dear Unprepared High School Junior,

It is completely normal to be worried about your education! Education is a major cornerstone in our lives, so I understand where you are coming from. It helps to remem-ber that every person in the world is facing the same issue that is happening to you, and so I believe people will be more mindful and understanding of the circumstances you have come from. You could not control the cards you were dealt, and educators know that. It is my belief that they will have to be accommodating to any issues that may arise from online education, if they would want to dutifully fulfill their jobs. Hopefully, I assuaged some of your fears, and I wish you the best of luck in your academic journey.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Unprepared High School Junior,

It’s completely understandable being concerned about your academics. Commendable, even. Whilst students have been heavily affected by this pandemic, it’s important to re-main optimistic. Junior year is a crucial time for prospective university students but with everything going on, universities might be lenient with requirements. Now is also a fantastic time to build your student resumé. If you haven’t already decided on a university, now is the perfect time to take a look and reach out to universities. This is the fun part! As far as preparation goes, there’s plenty of practice SAT samplequestions available online as well as books to read. It’s important to be studious but not too hard on yourself. Stay safe!

A Caring Friend

Dear Unprepared Junior,

You are not weird for worrying about your education at all. From reading your submission, I can tell you care about your education which is really important. Since I’m not in college just yet, I asked my 25-year-old sister for some advice I could give you. The best thing she told me was from her college experience, as long as you keep up your studying, work ethic and motivation, you will be fi ne. To tell you the truth, she told me that high school did not prepare her for college; college prepared her for college. Stressing right now over something you don’t know will happen will drive you crazy! It’s best to start good habits during online school that you can later use in college. I hope this helps!

Your Friend

Dear Unprepared Junior,

It is true that most students did not learn as much academic curriculum as they would have if school was in person as usual. The timing and speed at which learning takes place, however, is not indicative of future happiness and success. Many professionals took an unexpected alternative path and timeline in preparing for their career which helped better lead them toward  success. Struggling with the lifestyle changes required during the pandemic has given you an opportunity to learn much more than academics. Conquering boredom and anxiety, along with navigating a new daily structure has taught you flexibility, creativity, and perseverance. Those skills help you to be significantly prepared for college as well as your future. Take pride in the personal growth you have experienced in order to acquire more confidence in your ability to adapt to the future.

Dr. Renae

 

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida.

For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com

 

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Ask Dr. Renae: Teen protecting endangered family member is not alone

Dear Dr. Renae,

A member of my immediate family living in my home has a medical condition which makes them immune compromised. Out of love, respect and fear for their safety, I have limited my social interactions. My friends understood at first but have begun subtly pressuring me to go out. I feel very left out, and it really makes it so much harder since I am missing out on so much. I am also worried about infecting my family member, so I have not even been attending school in person. I feel isolated and may be becoming depressed. I just want my friends to understand.

Alone at 17

Dear Alone at 17,

Your concern for your family is very honorable. You’ve made the right decision by staying home to keep your family safe. I would suggest talking to your friends and explaining to them how you feel and why you don’t want to go out. I would hope that your friends are mature enough to realize that you are making the right choice in staying home. After that I would suggest just talking to them over the phone or having zoom nights together. There’s a lot of online games that you and your friends can play together, or you can just relax and talk to each other. Remember that you can always have fun even if you’re not physically together. I wish you the best of luck.

High School Senior

 

Dear Alone at 17,

You are not alone!! There are so many people who are going through the exact same thing as you. I think that you are being very responsible and caring, and I’m sure your friends will see that! I suggest finding a group of people to have nightly zoom calls with and plan fun things to do together on the phone. Another example is to ask your friends to have a socially distant lunch!! I for one have been extremely cautious during COVID like you and one thing I have done to see my friends is having a socially distant lunch or hangout! You pick an outdoors area and go separately with your own blanket and sit apart in a huge circle… lots of feet apart! During these trying times, it is definitely important to find people that can support you on your off days. I hope you are doing well.

A Caring Friend

Dear Alone at 17,

I have people around me who also pressure me to go out, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I found the best way to remedy the situation is with communication. It may help to communicate with your friends through a video chat or voice call  about your experience with the pandemic and how you feel left out. It would also be helpful to come up with some stay-at-home events your friends can do together. I suggest game nights, powerpoint nights, or just chatting on the phone. I hope you don’t feel so alone in the future.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Alone at 17,

It is inconceivable to be robbed of your much anticipated social year and normal for you to feel a loss. Your love and respect for your family is admirable especially for a teen. You sound like you are comfortable with your decision, an important predictor for your ability to make future difficult decisions. Friends who acknowledge and respect your choice will likely stand out head and shoulders above those friends who do not understand. Focusing your attention on these true friends will likely bring you more comfort than focusing attention on those who regrettably surprised you with their lack of support. True friends will find creative ways to remain connected to you, especially now when you need your friends more than ever. In addition, when you are able to finally socialize in person, it will be helpful to know who your true friends are so you can count on them in the future.

Dr. Renae

 

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com