Dear Dr. Renae,
My mother is very upset with me because I sent a video to my friends on Snapchat – it was only my face and collarbones in the shower. My friends and I have an inside joke about how annoying it is to have our make-up smudged when we shower. Why was this wrong?
15-year-old Sophomore
Dear 15 Year Old Sophomore,
First, kudos to you for wanting to know where you went wrong. Most teens would just automatically assume that their mom is in the wrong. Personally, I don’t think the video itself is a big deal, but I understand where your mom is coming from. A person is not dressed when they’re in the shower, so it is not an appropriate time to take a video, even if that video doesn’t show anything. Your mom is looking out for you – she’s protecting you from what other people might think when they see a video of you in the shower. Even if that video only went to your friends, once you put something on social media, you don’t know where it may end up. In the future, ask your mom what she deems proper and what she doesn’t.
A Thoughtful Teen
Dear 15-year-old Sophomore,
Your mom probably feels that it is inappropriate to send any photos no matter what if it’s of you in the shower. Although you may disagree with her advice, she is coming from a good place to protect you. Perhaps you should apologize to your mom and tell her you won’t do it again so she will be able to trust you. You have to respect your mom’s decision because she wants what’s best for you.
Your Friend
Dear 15-year-old Sophomore,
I can see why your mother was upset. Although you said the video was only showing your collarbones and your face in the shower, you should not be sending videos in the shower when you have no clothing on. Something could’ve happened to it, you could have sent it to the wrong person, or someone could have screenshot it from another device and sent it to other people. Also, it is possible that other people could have seen it on your friend’s phone when she opened it. Always think about what you are sending before you send it, especially on Snapchat.
A Caring Friend
Dear 15-year-old Sophomore,
Knowing you are willing to take videos of yourself naked, even if nothing private is showing may encourage someone with bad intentions to pressure you into posting more. Even if you are sure that you would never do that, it is unsafe to post something that would attract those who wish you harm. It advertises to others that you are naive and vulnerable. There is always inherent risk when posting anything on the Internet, even innocent photos and videos. I recommend you learn from your mistake and ask your mother or a trusted adult to help you come up with a list of what is acceptable and safe to post. Bathroom, shower, partial nudity or revealing clothing will not be on the list. You can still have fun while staying safe.
Dr. Renae