Dear Dr. Renae,
My parents think I am too young to know that I am bisexual, believing that I have been influenced by my friends. I became aware of who I am when I was 12 and am quite comfortable with myself. Efforts to educate my parents about this have only frustrated me more. They do not take it seriously and feel like it is a phase I will outgrow. I know they love me but it is hard to relate to them when they do not accept who I am. How can I help them understand?
15, Bi and Proud
Hey Bi and Proud,
Oh boy, can I relate. I’m also 15 and I’m very sure I’m asexual, which means I don’t feel sexual attraction, and possibly aromantic, in which I don’t feel romantic attraction. When I bring these topics up to my parents, they usually get uncomfortable and try to tell me that I’ll want to have sex later in my life, that I’m too young to know, etc. I want you to know that while your parents may not believe you to truly be bi, it’s your own opinion that matters. Perhaps you should bring these concerns up to your parents and explain how they make you feel. Tell them the difficulty you’re having and how their misunderstanding is hurting you. At the end of the day, remember that you need to feel happy with who you are.
Asexual and proud
Dear 15, Bi and Proud,
I know how hard it is when the people who are supposed to be your number one go-to don’t understand who you are. You have to remember they grew up in different times than us. Our generation is more open and liberal about things such as the LGBT+ community, which they might not get. I would say you should probably sit your parents down and have a serious discussion with them, explain how you feel and identify yourself. You have to emphasize that this is who you are, and not something you’ll outgrow. If anything, they’ll come around eventually.
17, once in your shoes
Dear 15, Bi and Proud,
As a teenager you go through a lot of changes and start to figure yourself out so it’s normal that your parents might need some time to adjust. This is probably big news for them. If you know bisexual friends whose parents are accepting, they can educate your parents a little more about becoming more accepting. Stand up for yourself. Make them aware that nothing can change the way you feel and keep on educating them about bisexuality. Eventually they will be able to understand your sexuality, but in the meantime stay true to yourself and don’t let anyone change who you are. What’s most important is that you have accepted yourself and you are happy with who you are.
A caring friend
Dear 15, Bi and Proud,
To begin, you know yourself and who you are. Since your parents don’t take you seriously, have you tried reaching out to another family member? Possibly an aunt, a cousin, trusted adult, or a grandparent? Explain to your parents that you understand people are easily influenced in this generation by the LGBT community. Also, help them understand that you are happy and it would mean the world to you if they would accept you. Tell them you want to include them in other areas of your life as you continue to grow in your journey. In the end, be open, proud, and true to who you are.
A trusted friend
Dear 15, Bi and Proud,
It is possible that your parents are hoping that your being bisexual is a phase, as they are uncomfortable with seeing you differently than they expected. There are several organizations which provide support to the LGBTQ community and their families. Both Sunserve (www.sunserve.org) and the YES Institute (wwww.yesinstitute.org) offer excellent parent resources. You might also find support at your school’s GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) club. Your pediatrician could be a voice your parents respect. Researchers have found a higher incidence of depression and suicide within the LGBTQ community, especially with teens who are rejected by their family. It will be very important for you to establish a lot of support in your life if your parents do not eventually offer you their unconditional acceptance. The Broward County School Board’s Family Counseling Program (754-321-1590) offers free, confidential services with licensed therapists with locations at almost every high school in the district. In the future, when you develop a serious attraction or establish a romantic relationship with someone of the same sex, it will be time to talk with your parents further. In the meantime, I recommend that you focus on other aspects of yourself when communicating with your parents. Do your best to keep lines of communication open. You have a lifetime ahead of you.
Dr. Renae