Whenever I look at my Apple Watch it says No More Events Today! As the pandemic accelerates in Florida, and since I am in the age group that is considered the most at risk, I remain sequestered at home. I go into stores for necessities, sometimes a couple of times per week, but most of the time not at all. My hair, as I have said before, is still
the one thing that I feel is important enough to make me risk exposure. I have returned to the salon to have my hair colored, cut and for a keratin treatment. Silly, but true. I no longer have manicures and pedicures, but do my nails myself. My nails aren’t nearly as pretty, but it does suffice. Shopping, game playing, volunteering, classes, social events, travel and all other daily excursions are gone. I recently said to a friend that I feel as if life is simply passing. Besides looking at the time on my watch, I check the day and date and am constantly amazed that the months have steadily passed.
I am not complaining (much). I am lucky to have Mickey Booboo growing daily as he fills our home with joy, love, and laughter.
I am lucky to have friends that I speak with regularly and sometimes have socially distanced, outside get togethers. I am lucky to have family that I FaceTime with daily. I am lucky to have Neil to share this strange and scary time with. But with all of that, I still see my life going by with days that are the same and often lack focus and purpose.
At 69, I expected the next few years to be filled with travel while I am healthy and agile. I expected to go back and forth to New York to see my family and share in all of our grandchildren’s small and large milestones. I expected to enjoy my volunteer work, theater, and daily activities. All of these things have been put on hold.
Younger people are continuing their lives more completely. Some are able to go to work, or work at home. Some choose to still travel and enjoy outdoor activities. While stymied by the virus, they are able to weigh their risk/reward ratio more leniently than I do.
When can I change my risk/reward decisions?
After another month? Few months? After a year? I am not sure if there is an answer to this, but if no vaccine or effective treatment is created, how long can I live in this pleasant but boring limbo? I know I am lucky, but my optimism is running thin.
I need to create a way, beyond Mickey, to be productive enough to be happier. There have been a number of times in my life when I felt the necessity to recreate myself to achieve a fuller and happier life.
I changed careers mid- stream. I got divorced and remarried in my mid-fifties. I retired and started a whole new life in Parkland in my sixties. Each time it took thought, faith and hard work to begin again. But each time the daily life that followed was far happier than the one before I made changes. I now recognize that this is a time to do it again, this time in my seventies. Life will never return to what it was before the pandemic, but I have the power to think this through and work hard to achieve a change for the better. Stay tuned, I am working hard on this and hope to find my way soon.
By Jill Vogel