Everyone wants their children to grow into well-rounded, healthy, and connected individuals. Looking back, your parenting style has probably changed since the spring. Screen-time, playdates, and having food delivered were probably looked at a little differently. It may sound odd, but as a therapist, I help families build a “good enough” parenting style to help support children. The concept was created by English pediatrician Donald Woods Winnicott to help push back against the rise in striving for a perfect, flawless parent. These impossible goals are something we can start to let go of in 2020.
Break the on-demand cycle
Remember when you scheduled every after school moment with stimulating activities for your family? Do you recall that sinking feeling that you were failing as a parent? Well, you are good enough, just not perfect. At the start of the pandemic, you rallied resources and filled your kids’ lives with baking, board games, and Pinterest-worthy fun.After a while, you realized that you were beyond exhausted from the added demands of scheduling every single minute seven days a week.
Then the whining began with the dreaded, “I’m bored!” Here’s the beauty of the good enough parent: Your job is to offer a safe foundation for your child to explore their environment. In plain terms, that means THEY have to fi nd the fun activity (Within limits!). Once we help our kids learn that their free time is theirs to craft, they learn how to play independently. That might mean they discover a love of reading, gardening, swimming, painting, music, or astronomy. The opportunities are endless.
Grow closer by fostering independence
Parents strive to provide their kids with a safe, happy childhood. We often fall in the trap of creating only fun, successful times for them. When children are too afraid to fail, they struggle to find their place in the world. Being a good enough parent means that we create an environment where children are allowed to try things with the possibility of failure. By learning how to fail, we support children in building good sportsmanship, ethics, compassion, empathy, and most of all-motivation to keep trying. Let’s all strive for a good enough school year!
Marla Berger is a licensed mental health counselor, registered art and play therapist. Her practice, Berger Counseling Services, is located in Parkland.