by Glenn Swift Jr.

We all remember the embarrassment, and humiliation, we proud Floridians endured during the 2000 presidential election: butterfly ballots, and hanging chads. Those images are firmly planted in our memory banks. So, let’s be honest. We didn’t look all that great before the nation. Of course, we assured ourselves that all the insanity wasn’t indicative of our robust, cutting-edge state. Well, on closer look, maybe we do need to rethink a few things after all. You see, we have some, let’s say, rather bizarre laws still in effect in our glorious Sunshine State. Here are some examples of what I’m talking about. Just don’t tell your friends up North.
They’ll be convinced that we really are nuts!
In Florida…
It is illegal to block any well-traveled wagon road.
It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6pm on a Thursday.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
Failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.
It is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.
Sexual relations with a porcupine are strictly prohibited.
It is illegal for an unmarried woman to skydive on Sunday.
When having sex only the missionary position is legal.
Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. (the salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.)
It is illegal to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
Lap dances must be given at least six feet away from a patron.
You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
Rats are forbidden to leave a ship docked in Tampa Bay.
Topless walking or running within a 150-foot zone between the beach and the street is prohibited.
In Key West…
It is illegal to spit on a church floor.
Chickens are considered a “protected species.”
In Miami…
It is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
It is illegal to imitate an animal.
The penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
No person shall operate a bicycle unless it is equipped with a bell or device capable of giving a signal audible for a distance of at least 100 feet; however, No bicycle shall be equipped with, nor shall any person use upon a bicycle, any siren or whistle.
Oral sex is illegal.
In Miami Shores…
Any product manufactured in a Communist country that is sold within its city limits must be clearly marked so as not “to hide its Communist origins.”
In Pensacola…
Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.
It is illegal to roll a barrel on a street. (Fines go up according to the contents of the barrel.)
A woman can be fined (only after death) for being electrocuted in a bathtub while using self-beautification utensils.
In Sarasota…
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
If you hit a pedestrian, you are fined $78.
Catching crabs is illegal.
In Tampa…
It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6pm.
Are these crazy enough for you? For more crazy laws, visit
stupidlaws.com/laws/united-states/florida.

by Glenn R. Swift
Most of what we know about the Ais and the Jaega comes to us from the writings of Jonathan Dickinson, an English Quaker on his way from Jamaica to Philadelphia who was shipwrecked in 1696, along with his family and the other passengers and crew members of the ship. The party was held captive by the Jaega for several days before being handed over to the Ais chief (cacique). Because one of the members of Dickinson’s group spoke Spanish, the group was able to persuade the Jaega and the Ais that they were Spanish and not English. As a result of this good fortune, the group was allowed to travel by small boat and on foot the 230 miles up the coast to Spanish-held St. Augustine. During the journey, the party was subjected to constant harassment and physical abuse with five members of the group succumbing to exposure and starvation.
