Author: Jill Vogel

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Parkland Life- Unconditional love and friendship

Last night we celebrated the first birthday of Michelangelo Booboo Vogel (aka “Mickey”). My regular readers know that he is my COVID puppy, a mini goldendoodle, ours since he was eight weeks old. He is loving, bright, active, and joyful. I have credited him with saving my sanity during the pandemic when he brought love and purpose into my life.

Dog owners know that the first 18 months of puppyhood can be challenging. Between the teething, the frequent bathroom walks, training, and the general need for activity and attention, puppies consume a lot of patience and energy. Mickey was no exception. What makes it all doable is that the puppy is so very cute. Those little balls of fur with a big belly just melt your heart. It is always love at first sight. However, to form a successful human−dog relationship, life after cuteness needs to be defined and built.

Mickey and I were lucky. He was willing to try us out and I certainly wanted him to be happy. So we worked out the pee runs in the middle of the night, the early-morning face lickings, the chewed shoes, and his picky eating. I look back and laugh as we have moved beyond all of those things except for the early-morning wake-up calls. What I have gotten in return is unconditional love and friendship. He cries when I leave, he is waiting at the door with kisses when I return, and when we have a tiff he can’t wait to make up.

Mickey has opened my world to many new experiences. I have met all the local dogs and their owners. During the pandemic, we have congregated outside and provided the caring that we all need to face another day working at home while the kids are on the computer for school. Mickey has also reminded me that people and dogs are made for each other. He is cuddly, protective, and a great walking companion. We walk about seven miles a day together and watch flowers grow, birds fly, and ducks swim. Together we love our beautiful Parkland neighborhood.

I have become a proud mom all over again, showing his picture, introducing him to all my friends and neighbors, and believing he is simply the best dog in the world. In return, I give up the freedom to do what I want, when I want, and instead, I compromise on timing that is better for him. Mickey is a good listener and enjoys talking back, as anyone who knows him will affirm. He has trained me to cook for him and lets me know when he is unhappy with the menu. He swims, and he smiles every time I ask if he wants to go into the pool. He puts up with my need to have him groomed and to comb him daily. He has learned to be patient when I am on the phone or computer. In other words, we accommodate each other mostly with good humor

As Mickey turns one, he looks like a fully grown dog. I am not sure where the time went. He is everything I could hope for in a companion and worth the time, effort, and angst that goes along with any relationship. I have been blessed, and I hope if you have ever contemplated adopting a dog that you do so knowing that the time and effort spent are rewarded many, many times over.

Happy, happy birthday, Mickey. The presents you give me daily far exceed anything I could ever imagine.

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Parkland Life: Home sweet home

By Jill

It was one year and one month since I last saw my daughter, son-in-law and my three natural grandchildren. It has been the same amount of time since I saw my stepchildren, their spouses and my other seven grandchildren. This was the hardest part of the pandemic for me. I had this irrational fear that I might get the virus and never see them again. Well, the light at the end of the tunnel was finally here. In January, I received both doses of the Pfizer vaccine, waited three weeks after my second dose to make sure the maximum immunity kicked in, and booked a trip to New York. I was lucky, my daughter and son-in-law, and one of my stepdaughters and her husband were also fully vaccinated – so they felt safe about my visit. Neil stayed home with Mickey.

Of course New York’s quarantining rules did not make this trip easy. In order to go to NY from almost anywhere, you have to quarantine and take two COVID tests, one 72 hours before arriving and one 72 hours after quarantining. Of course both have to be negative. Even though I had received both vaccines and the CDC doesn’t feel quarantining is necessary, NY still does. I was quarantined at my daughter’s and did not plan to go anywhere until after the second negative test so it was all fine.

The day to travel finally arrived. While I was sad to leave Neil and Mickey, I was beyond excited. My 8:00 AM flight was totally full. It felt strange and I was a little nervous as I had not been around that many people in such close proximity for an entire year. After the 3 hour plane trip, I was glad to disembark into the cold, snowy landscape of NY. I arrived at my daughter’s to a huge welcome sign made by my grandchildren and that began 5 days of sheer bliss. We played games, built snowmen, went sledding, cooked and baked. We watched movies and read books, did art projects and in short, spent all waking hours enjoying each other’s company. The kids were tolerant of my too often hugs and kisses and my insistence that we all cuddle on the couch including the two family dogs. I was also lucky and got to see my stepdaughter, her husband and my three grandchildren from them. We met them for sledding, hugging after each trip down the hill, and a second evening for a ladies dessert party. The entire trip was teary, joyful and a slice of heaven. I never appreciated
the importance of the hugs, kisses, and simply being together. Before COVID, I
always took these things for granted. The year of separation made me realize how lucky we are to have one another and how important it is to treasure our time together.

I had been so caught up in my excitement to finally see my family that I also did not realize that after an ENTIRE year spent alone with Neil and never leaving Mickey before, how much I would miss them. While I was away, Neil and I spoke often. He told me endless Mickey stories on the phone and thankfully they both had a blast without me.

Six days proved to be the perfect amount of time away. I was missing Neil and Mickey more each day and had collected tons of hugs and kisses from my grandchildren, daughter, son-in-law, stepdaughter and stepson-in-law to tide me over for a while. It also helped that my daughter’s family is coming to see us in three weeks. As anxious as I was to leave, I couldn’t wait to get home.

I think I have always idolized New York since moving here, longing for more time to visit. I have also taken Florida and my beautiful Parkland community for granted. While my visit was magic, my return was magic as well. I went from the snowy New York gray tundra to the beauty of green palm trees and warm sunny weather. I also went from the hugs of children and grandchildren to the hugs and kisses of Neil and the non-stop licking of Mickey. I feel blessed that I get to enjoy both and will try to never take either for granted again.

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I know Mickey’s not Mom, but still…

I don’t think I’m losing it, at least I hope not, but as Mickey grows, I have the strangest feeling that something about him reminds me of my mother.

It isn’t that he looks like my mom but when he looks at me I immediately think of my mom. At first, I thought the obvious (lol), my mom was reincarnated into my life as my dog. Although I am open to forces beyond my comprehension, this is not my real belief, so I continued to think about this strange feeling.

My second idea was that I was missing my mother in this second year after her death. I was experiencing what psychologists call transference, substituting my absent love for her onto Mickey. That just didn’t seem like the answer either. I have had plenty of love from my husband, family, and friends, so I didn’t think this answered the feeling either.

After more thought and soul searching, I think I realized what it is. There is nothing in this world like a mother’s love for her child. This love is unconditional, boundless, and always, always there. And how does the child feel their mother’s love? Through touch and care, but most of all in the absolute love that shines in their mother’s eyes.

That look is often the way Mickey looks at me. The love between people and dogs is a popular theme of endless books and movies. Who else greets you each and every time you return home with love with unlimited joy. Who else kisses you endlessly with their licks just to show how important you are to them. And who else looks at you with unconditional love and joy simply because you are in their lives. The answer is, of course, your dog. That wonderful look that Mickey gives me reminds me of my Mom and brings me to joy and tears.

One of the benefits of getting Mickey was that I have met a whole host of people in my neighborhood that I never knew before. These are all the dog owners that I meet while out walking Mickey.

Among the dogs we have met, one of Mickey’s favorite is Bailey, a cavapoo owned by Jodi. Every time our walks coincide, both Mickey and Bailey are joyous, and Jodi and I have really good conversations. I think she is a kindred spirit.

Jill and Mickey

I had to share my thoughts about Mickey and my mom with Jodi, whose mom had passed away a number of years ago. I started by saying that I had something strange to share, that Mickey reminded me of someone. Before I had a chance to go further Jodi finished my thought. She said, ”He reminds you of your mother doesn’t he?

Well, I was completely amazed. “How did you know that?” I asked. She said that Baxter, her other dog, reminds her of her mother. She feels that Baxter has her mom’s spirit and was sent to watch over her. She said, “It is all in the eyes.” It couldn’t have been coincidence that we both felt the exact same feeling and I don’t think either of us are crazy. I explained my theory to Jodi, and while she sees my point, she believes it is spiritual not just the love I described. Who knows and it doesn’t really matter.

How lucky we are to have this feeling and enjoy the love of our dogs and wonderful memories of our mothers. We can’t be the only ones believing their dog reminds them of someone loved and lost, but I have not yet shared my thoughts with others. Now I am sharing my feelings with you. I wonder if you have experienced this as well?

One last thought, I am reminded about the importance of our eyes since we are now wearing masks. Without seeing another person’s smile or facial expression, without enjoying a hug or handshake, the eyes have to communicate all our emotions. From our dogs to our moms, it is all in the eyes.

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Parkland Life: October 2020

Coincidence or Godwink?

A couple of years ago, I read a book titled, “When God Winks at You” by Squire Rushnell, and the concept has remained with me.

Godwinks (Rushnell’s term) are coincidences that, when we think about them, make us pause, smile, or just say aha. An example we probably have all experienced is when you are thinking about someone and the phone rings, and it is that person.

Another example is when you lose something important and just as you are giving up on ever finding it – it turns up in a place you think you searched thoroughly before.

To me, Godwinks are messages the universe is sending me when I am open to receiving that information. Well, this morning I received a Godwink.

For the past few months, my columns have focused on my feelings and behaviors during the pandemic. I am still staying at home and still only dreaming of getting on a plane to see my family in New York.

I have tried to find positive things to do, but life feels a bit bland and sad. And then this morning I received a strong message, or as I would term it, a Godwink. The first message (Godwink) came as I watched the “CBS This Morning” show. One of the daily segments is when the anchors discover/find a story, news segment, or video and want to share it with all of us.

This morning, co-anchor Tony Dokoupil read about a recent poll centered on the Coronavirus’ effect on peoples’ feelings. He stated that according to the poll, two-thirds of Americans believe they are better people due to the pandemic and 70 percent said they learned a lot about themselves as a result of the pandemic. Hmmm.

The second message (Godwink) came to me in email form. I received a group text from a friend that I read just after the morning show ended. The gist of it is in this one stanza of the much longer message: “Let’s put some color in our grey…And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left.

“Let’s try to eliminate the afters…I’m doing it after…I’ll say it after…I’ll think about it after…So let’s leave nothing for later because still waiting we can lose the best moments.” Two positive and strong statements on making the most of our life during this time filled with frustration and waiting. A Godwink certainly meant for me.

I am in need of an attitude adjustment. I must again learn to appreciate and love the time as it is now. I have worked to make my days better, fuller and more fun. I have received the love of a wonderful puppy and been reawakened to the beauty of the world through his eyes but I have not gone the extra mile to welcome this time into my emotions. Instead, I have resented it,  gotten angry, and felt cheated. So I projected this dissatisfaction and have not been the optimistic and hopeful person I certainly can and have tried to be.

So I am now beginning to think about how to give myself an attitude adjustment. What are the positives that have come out of all these months? How can I take those positives and gain a new perspective on my life under COVID-19? I need to lose “The Afters.” My goal this coming month is to understand how this time has made me better and learn more about myself. My goal this month is to be happier, more giving and more positive. I’ll let you know if the Godwink worked its miracle.

By Jill Vogel

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My pre-COVID self lies just under the surface, waiting to emerge

Neil and I along with millions of others are entering another month of primarily staying home. As I wrote last month, I recognize that as time continues and projects wane, I have to think of new ways to spend my time in a productive manner. Let me catch you up.

Mickey Booboo is growing in leaps and bounds. He is learning many new things daily. Some I like, others I tolerate. When the devil dog emerges, we butt heads. He is vocal, opinionated, happy, and confident (he certainly takes after the two of us). He occupies a large portion of my day and I laugh out loud
at his antics, tell numerous Mickey stories to anyone who will listen, and enjoy our exercise program of walking and swimming. Yes, Mickey is a true water dog and swims all over the pool catching bubbles and bugs. I love my time with him and have looked to augment only a small portion of the day with other things.

Neil is busy with his many undertakings, yet makes time to play two-handed Canasta with me at least once a day. Besides his business and the HOA, he is working to create a mentoring program with the Broward County
Board of Education. Although we are both in the house, we generally are separate except for the card game, dinner, and whatever after-dinner activity we plan.

The biggest enhancement I have made is for my friends to occupy more of my time again. I now play both Canasta and Mah Jongg online with friends (simultaneously using Houseparty) three afternoons a week, I have a couple
of friends over to swim one day each week, and try to do an occasional lunch, dinner, or coffee and dessert outside (socially distant). By creating a regular recurring weekly schedule of these things, I am more satisfied both socially and having utilized my time in a positive way. This addition has made a world of difference.

I continue to try new recipes, and while some turn out to be delicious, others have been mediocre at best. Prepping and cooking combined with planning a shopping list for Walmart pickup occupies a number of hours, and this is something I have thoroughly enjoyed.

My cousin Sharry has tried a number of my creations and shares many of
hers with me. Again, I think I always get the better end of this deal as hers are
always delicious.

While I have nearly run out of house projects, there is one remaining that I have consistently hesitated to start. The project is going through all of my and my mom’s old photographs. I know that this should be done as it will preserve family history for my grandchildren, but somehow, I dread the poignant, emotional hours and days it will entail. Maybe I’ll start this month.

There is a word that describes my life during the pandemic: Pentimento. It is the reappearance in a painting of an underlying image that had been painted over, usually when the later painting becomes transparent with age. The earlier image may be visible initially, become visible with age, or revealed through X-rays. I feel that way about my life now. I have changed the surface of my life, substituting things that enable me to be happier in my new normal, but the elements of my previous way of life are still there, under the surface, waiting to emerge. I pray for a vaccine.

 

By Jill Vogel

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Parkland Life: Time to recreate myself again

Whenever I look at my Apple Watch it says No More Events Today! As the pandemic accelerates in Florida, and since I am in the age group that is considered the most at risk, I remain sequestered at home. I go into stores for necessities, sometimes a couple of times per week, but most of the time not at all. My hair, as I have said before, is still
the one thing that I feel is important enough to make me risk exposure. I have returned to the salon to have my hair colored, cut and for a keratin treatment. Silly, but true. I no longer have manicures and pedicures, but do my nails myself. My nails aren’t nearly as pretty, but it does suffice. Shopping, game playing, volunteering, classes, social events, travel and all other daily excursions are gone. I recently said to a friend that I feel as if life is simply passing. Besides looking at the time on my watch, I check the day and date and am constantly amazed that the months have steadily passed.

I am not complaining (much). I am lucky to have Mickey Booboo growing daily as he fills our home with joy, love, and laughter.
I am lucky to have friends that I speak with regularly and sometimes have socially distanced, outside get togethers. I am lucky to have family that I FaceTime with daily. I am lucky to have Neil to share this strange and scary time with. But with all of that, I still see my life going by with days that are the same and often lack focus and purpose.

At 69, I expected the next few years to be filled with travel while I am healthy and agile. I expected to go back and forth to New York to see my family and share in all of our grandchildren’s small and large milestones. I expected to enjoy my volunteer work, theater, and daily activities. All of these things have been put on hold.

Younger people are continuing their lives more completely. Some are able to go to work, or work at home. Some choose to still travel and enjoy outdoor activities. While stymied by the virus, they are able to weigh their risk/reward ratio more leniently than I do.

When can I change my risk/reward decisions?
After another month? Few months? After a year? I am not sure if there is an answer to this, but if no vaccine or effective treatment is created, how long can I live in this pleasant but boring limbo? I know I am lucky, but my optimism is running thin.

I need to create a way, beyond Mickey, to be productive enough to be happier. There have been a number of times in my life when I felt the necessity to recreate myself to achieve a fuller and happier life.

I changed careers mid- stream. I got divorced and remarried in my mid-fifties. I retired and started a whole new life in Parkland in my sixties. Each time it took thought, faith and hard work to begin again. But each time the daily life that followed was far happier than the one before I made changes. I now recognize that this is a time to do it again, this time in my seventies. Life will never return to what it was before the pandemic, but I have the power to think this through and work hard to achieve a change for the better. Stay tuned, I am working hard on this and hope to find my way soon.

By Jill Vogel

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Parkland Life: Pandemic, social upheaval, crash into idyllic Parkland life

This entire column was going to be devoted to Michelangelo (Mickey) BooBoo Vogel, our brand new mini golden doodle puppy, but things rarely turn out exactly as we plan.  Yes, we took the plunge and adopted a puppy.

During these never ending days when Neil suggested that a silly, cute, cuddly and loving new family member was exactly what the doctor ordered,  I could not agree fast enough.  As is usual for Neil and I, once our decision was made we looked to get a puppy NOW.  This meant buying a puppy in a pet store, which I have never done before.

Calling around I found out that three mini golden doodle puppies were arriving at a pet store in Pembroke Pines on a  Friday night, and of course I booked the first appointment on Saturday morning to meet them. We would literally have our pick of the litter.  Of course there was never any question between Mickey and his brothers.

Once Mickey came into the play area with us, he went right up to Neil, licked his leg, looked up at him with his huge brown eyes and Neil was putty in his paws.  Mickey came to Parkland and immediately took over our house, backyard, and of course our hearts.  Like any baby (he was 8 weeks old) we have multiple nightly wake ups and Mickey and I are learning from each other what is negotiable or not.  He is charming when he cuddles, cute when he plays and devilish when he gets ‘puppy crazies’.  I am over the moon in love.

What Mickey brings to the table for me is a positive way to live my daily life.  After finishing multiple home projects, giving up on the 3,000-piece puzzle, baking, cooking, cleaning, reading and computer play, I was concerned about how my life was going to continue to transpire.  Neil, recognizing that, suggested to give me Mickey for my birthday. This has solved the loneliness I was feeling and has surely filled my days with love and positive energy.  I will always thank Neil for Mickey.

So, I am lucky.  I am white, have money and an education and was able to use these assets to purchase what I needed to make my life better, -namely acquiring Michelangelo BooBoo.  My life is filled with the luxuries that living in the United States can offer, but many people do not get to enjoy these same privileges.  Two days after Mickey came home, George Floyd died at the hands of the Minneapolis police.

We have all watched the footage of the police officer with his knee on Mr. Floyd’s neck.  We heard Mr. Floyd cry that he couldn’t breathe.  We saw other officers stand by, looking and doing nothing.  I am sick every time I see.  This is America?  I thought this only happened elsewhere like  Nazi Germany.

My column is not generally political.  But how can I not compare the ease of my life during this pandemic and social upheavals over the death of Mr. Floyd, and compare it with others not as lucky as me? My self-isolation is in beautiful Parkland with many amenities.

On the other side many people are crowded into small apartments with no hope of staying safe in heavily hit urban areas.  I have retired and can order whatever I need on Amazon People with less means have to expose themselves and their families to the danger of contracting the disease as they shop or work in jobs servicing many of us.

This inequity in itself is hard to believe, but the apparent unimportance of Mr. Floyd’s life to those police officers defies any level of civilization.  I watch the fires of despair burn in cities from my living room with Mickey asleep in my arms.  I am so blessed while others are so unsafe.

I don’t know how to make things better but I will be thinking about these issues long and hard. I’m sure many of you will as well. Meanwhile, Mickey is safe in his new home with his loving new human parents.  I hope George Floyd rests in eternal peace.

 

By Jill Vogel

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