‘There’s always time for tea’

Did you know — and I admit I didn’t — that there is Thai iced-tea pie, and even a small artisanal company in Brooklyn that sells Macha and Earl Grey teas ice cream? 

Here we take a brief tour of teas. Look no farther than our state for retail and cafe locations for sampling numerous types, some familiar and some perhaps not. Plus there is the nonprofit U.S. League of Tea Growers, at www.usteagrowers.com, where potential growers can ask questions, research tea growing, and connect with regional organizations. There is also American Yaupon (www.americanyaupon.org), based in Florida, which promotes a number of local shops.

It’s a new day for tea. It is soothing, warming, and refreshing with excellent varieties easily obtainable. The steady trend toward natural foods and herbal teas is well known, though you may not have spent much time thinking about the varied types until the pandemic descended upon us. Tea is an enjoyable beverage whatever the time of day or season. There are, of course, basic teas. 

One gardening expert of 30 years, Erica Jo Shaffer, confirms, for example, that herbal infusions are relaxing to the nerves and nourishing. She advises, “Tea is only ‘tea’ when it contains camellia sinensis, the plant that gives us white, green, black, and oolong tea.”

Sampling of organic herbal teas: You could try citrus mint with an infusion of peppermint and citrus; blueberry merlot with a taste of blueberries and a wisp of sage; chamomile citron with a blend of flower blossoms and a zest of citrus; and ginger lemongrass blended with citrusy herbs and a tingle of ginger. (There’s also a cocktail like the Sunday Tea, which some may know from having peach, moonshine, bourbon, sweet tea, and lemon, which might lull you into a generic dream of the South.)

And then there’s yaupon!

Yaupon tea: Pronounced “yoh-pon,” this is the only caffeinated plant native to North America — an antioxidant-laden drink that’s been consumed for thousands of years and known as yaupon holly. It’s a specific Southern tea type that can be found in loose-leaf form at premium shops around the country, and sometimes in shrub form at select nurseries to add as a border or hedge to your own landscaping to harvest, keep in a container on the patio, or plant in a community patch! 

Grown in the Southeast and traded by Native Americans for ceremonies and recreation, according to the Yaupon Brothers Tea Co. (formed in Florida in 2012), it does not need fertilizer or pesticides as it is native and requires very little water, and has less environmental impact on surrounding areas. During the Civil War, Southerners often drank yaupon in place of coffee and black tea, note historians. One fellow of the day noted, “Substitute for Tea — [yaupon] is excellent but let me say that the wild thorned leaf holly is the best that I have ever used. It would take the best of judges to tell it from the best of black tea. Fall is the time to gather the leaves. Make as black tea.”

 

Caffeine content: Unprocessed, the leaves of this evergreen holly with small green leaves on stiff branches contain between 65% and 85% caffeine compared to tea leaves with about 3.5% caffeine. (Black-tea caffeine content is labeled by one popular seller as “robust,” herbal infusions as “none,” green tea as “moderate,” and white tea as between “very low” and “low.”)

There is plenty of information on Yaupon and Dwarf Yaupon shrub propagating, pruning, light requirements, soil, and so on, at several informative websites; one is a University of Florida blog site, at blogs.ifas.ufl.edu/lakeco/2021/01/21/grow-your-own-yaupon-tea.

For example, the “evergreen” Dwarf Yaupon Holly tolerates wind and the hot, humid Southern summers. New growth emerges with a light purple color and darkens to green. This small mounding shrub can get 3 to 5 feet tall and wide, and it can take full sun or partial shade.

  

Ryan Hinson, the “tea guy” at well-known Tin Roof Teas (www.tinroofteas.com), a high-quality loose teas and accessories business, knows his teas — and their shelf life. He told me, “Yaupon is best consumed in 8 to 10 months, but good up to 2 years. Would consider an herb, so you have 8 months for maximum potency — up to 8 months for flowers and leaves, and up to 2 years for seeds, roots, and barks.”

Fragrant premium tea shops abound if you prefer to visit rather than to order in supply (see two Florida brothers’ enterprise at www.yauponbrothersamericantea.com). Many shops are now open with COVID protocols in place.

 

And from the Louisiana State University Ag Center is an informative May 2019 article by horticulturist Heather Kirk-Ballard, who notes that the wiry shrub’s blooms appear in early to mid-spring (eaten by many bird species), with the red berries, also enjoyed by the birds, showing in late fall and winter. She writes much more about the yaupon, including its widespread use as home decor during the holidays. Check out the article too for excellent tips for your seasonal decorating.

So whether you grow your tea fresh from the garden (or patio container) or have it shipped to your door, get out those teapots and teacups (or mugs), and have a tea party. Pinkies up!

Joan Wenner, J.D., is a widely published, longtime freelance writer who writes historical, maritime, and general interest stories. She resides in eastern coastal North Carolina, although she lived many years in Florida where she hopes to soon return. Comments are welcomed at joan_writer@yahoo.com.

One Year Later After Fatal Heart Attack Patient Returns to Hospital to Thank Caregivers

Coral Springs, Florida – With much appreciation, Parkland resident Lisette Caro, 50, and her family paid a visit to Broward Health Coral Springs to reunite with doctors and nurses, but this time with happy tears of gratitude for saving her life.  

Caro was brought in to Broward Health Coral Springs’ Emergency Department last year in full cardiac arrest. Her 14-year-old daughter performed CPR that bought Caro time to get the medical care she needed. A full medical team worked on her with aggressive treatment trying to save her life.  

Gary Lai, D.O., Chief of Emergency Medicine at Broward Health Coral Springs, recalls this as a moment in his medical career that he will never forget. “What stands out to me most is the miraculous turn around that she made,” he said. “Once we were able to get her family at her bedside, it really was a miracle how she turned around. She has amazing kids who were able to jump into action and save mom.”  

Caro said that she never thought she’d suffer a cardiac incident, because “my blood pressure was usually low, I don’t have history of cardiac disease in my family, and I never had a problem with my heart. It was very unexpected.”

Today, Caro says she appreciates and loves her family a little more after beating the odds. 

What to do in case of drowning

Drowning is the leading cause of unintentional death for children ages 1-4. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 10 drowning deaths occur per day in the U.S. In addition to fatalities, thousands of children are hospitalized each year, with many suffering brain or lung injuries. Most of those drownings occur in home swimming pools. This local story from Alicia C. is about what you can do to help in a drowning situation.

I was at Dania Beach with my husband, young daughter, and a group of families. One minute I am mingling with my child’s friends and their parents, enjoying an effortless day with my toes in the sand…

The next minute, we witness a father pulling his lifeless child out of the shallow water. The young boy’s face is red and his father is in disbelief, trying to shake the life back into him. The boy is 4, but petite, and is wearing a puddle-jumper swim vest, fully connected. He had been in very shallow water. The inlet is low tide. His father was almost within arm’s reach of him and interacting with him moments before.

Our friends, Kandice and Jen O., are first responders and jump in to give this frantic family assistance. A crowd envelops the boy and the two firefighters, which shields the graphic nature of this situation from our children. The boy is in serious trouble.

The family is agonizing over the reality of what is happening, helpless to do anything but worry and to scream in fear. It is crushing my soul to bear witness to. Their cries of devastation will haunt me. Then an ER nurse, Abigail B. from Massachusetts, jumps off a parked boat to assist.

The boy begins to turn blue, and the three of them start CPR. At this point, we have to redirect our children’s attention. We try for a minute to put on this act for our children, and we downplay what is occurring, but time keeps moving on, and eventually, I feel that we need divine intervention. So, my child, my husband, and I pray on our knees for this little one.

Suddenly, we see our firefighter friends carrying this child and sprinting (barefoot) all the way down the long, long path to the parking lot. They are trying to get this child to the ambulance because the ambulance can’t drive out to where we are.

I have never seen something so heroic in my whole life. This child lived. This child made a full recovery — through the miracle performed by these three strangers (on their day off, with no equipment, no warning, no gear, nothing, just their strength and willingness to do whatever it takes).

We are putting in a swimming pool this month, and I always had a fear of the hazardous risks they pose to children my child’s age. There may not always be a first responder around, so I am committed to getting recertified in CPR, and anyone else who lives in Florida should too

Kandice and Jen recommend the following precautions for everyone, not just parents of children:

  • Take swimming lessons (even for adults who may have to save themselves or a child). Flotation devices should never be substitutes for attentive adults.
  • Designating a “water watcher” is a necessity if more than one person is watching kids. Accidents often happen with large gatherings because it’s easy for each adult to assume someone else is watching for danger.
  • Learn CPR/first aid, so that you can save a life if the time comes.

“Anybody who knew CPR could’ve contributed to that happy ending,” says Kandice. “And the fact that the parents weren’t actually very complicit should be a lesson to us all.”

For more information on National Drowning Prevention Awareness Month (which was in May), visit the National Drowning Prevention Alliance at ndpa.org. Also, check out the Parklander’s® May 2021 article on pool safety fences.

Dietitian’s View – What’s Healthy Now?

There has been a lot of conversation lately about the word “healthy,” and I must admit it made me take a minute and ask myself, “So what do people think is healthy?”  In working with clients over the years, I’ve learned the interpretation of healthy can mean a myriad of things. These differences in opinion on “healthy” can be a challenge to staying on point in the well-being lifestyle, so I hope today’s post will help clear things up.

I found several definitions, but the one most suitable is the definition from the Collins Concise English Dictionary — ”Healthy is the state of being bodily and mentally vigorous and free from disease.  The definition penned by the World Health Organization (WHO) is “Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”   Next, when going to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for guidance, you may really be in a pickle. They currently allow the use of the term “healthy” on product packaging only when products meet specific nutritional guidelines, which now focus on limited levels of fat, cholesterol, and sodium. Even with today’s more conscientious culture of natural health and improved nutrition, several very important food items are left out of the current FDA guide.

Almonds, avocados, and salmon miss the mark, according to the FDA. Here is an overview of what these foods bring to the health table:

Almonds are a powerhouse of nutrients. Of all the tree nuts, ounce for ounce, almonds are the most nutrient-dense. They contain protein, fiber, calcium, vitamin E, riboflavin, and niacin.

A one-ounce serving has 13 grams of “good” unsaturated fats and only 1 gram of saturated fat. They are cholesterol- and gluten-free. Almonds are also rich in magnesium, which aids in heart health and lowering blood pressure. Additionally, several research studies have shown that these nuts can be effective in reducing bad cholesterol and preserving healthy cholesterol.

Avocados (which are fruits) contain almost 20 vitamins and minerals in each serving. Nutrient content of this produce item includes potassium, which can aid in controlling blood pressure, and folate, which is a key in cell repair and helpful during pregnancy.  Avocados are high in fat and calories, so it is important to adhere to the recommended serving size (1/5 or 1 ounce of a medium avocado). Two to three thin slices or 2 tablespoons of mashed avocado will give the correct amount. Avocados are also high in antioxidants, which contribute to cell health.

Salmon is a higher-fat fish, and it’s the fat that contains Omega-3 fatty acids, making this seafood a good choice. The benefits of omega-3 fatty acids, or good fats, include a lower risk of arthritis, cancer, and heart disease. These fats have positive effects on memory, performance, and behavior.  Research has also shown promising results from omega-3 fatty acids in studies of depression and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  The American Heart Association recommends eating 3.5-ounce portions of fish, such as salmon, at least twice a week.

These foods may not have a seat at today’s FDA table of healthy foods. However, after taking a look at their nutrient makeup and the perspective on health and wellness in the 21st century, it looks like the regulatory agency may be persuaded to revisit the topic of what’s healthy. As for me, I’ll leave each of those delicious foods on my list of good and healthy things to eat.

Takeaway: To ensure you are making wise and varied meal choices, it is crucial to learn all the facts about the nutritional content of the food items you bring to your table.

Guide to pool safety

Parklanders love their pools. Having a backyard swimming pool is almost an expectation when people look at buying homes here. However, having a pool brings with it safety concerns for children.

The June 2018 Drowning Report from the Coral Springs Parkland Fire Department states that “while drowning incidents are down in the City of Coral Springs and Parkland from 2017 to June 2018 by 75%, nationwide drowning is still the leader as the cause of unintentional death among children ages 1-4; and the second leading cause of death in children ages 5-14 years old.”

For every child in the United States who drowns, five other children receive emergency room care for injuries per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). More than 50% of drowning victims treated in emergency rooms require hospitalization or transfer for further care.

These nonfatal drowning injuries can cause severe brain damage that may result in long-term disabilities such as memory problems, learning disabilities, and permanent loss of basic brain functioning (i.e. vegetative state). While the statistics for the drowning fatalities are alarming, the nonfatal drowning injuries can be equally disturbing and just as devastating to a child and family.

In an effort to decrease fatal and non-fatal incidences of young children drowning in our community the Pediatric Drowning Prevention Task Force was created as a collaborative effort of Broward Health, the City of Coral Springs and Water Smart Broward. The task force and the CDC have a list of pool safety tips to make your pool area and experience safer.

Swimming Lessons Make sure children have swimming lessons but continue to provide proper supervision even after they learn to swim.

Active Adult Supervision Since drowning can typically be a silent killer, supervision is often more about seeing rather than hearing it happening. Avoid staring at your phone or tablet.

First Aid Education and Safety Equipment Learning cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), rescue breathing and other safety techniques as well as keeping lifesaving equipment such as a lifebuoy or shepherds hook close by can also be critical to assisting someone.

Avoid pool toys that look like toys and remove pool toys from
pool area when not in use.

Installation of Pool Safety Fencing and Alarms In about 70% of drownings, the kids were not expected to be in or near the pool at the time. Fences and alarms can help when kids can wander off or become too curious or adventurous. Never underestimate the creative abilities of a child to go after something they are interested in, such as a pool.

Pool safety fencing or alarms are the law now in Florida and many states. The Residential Swimming Pool Safety Act requires Florida homeowners to take certain safety precautions with swimming pools, such as installing alarms on doors and windows, erecting pool safety fences of at least four feet in height, and other pool safety barriers.

Currently any new pools or pool renovations are required by law to be surrounded by one of four safety barriers. An exception to this are many older homes with pools that are grandfathered in and are not necessarily required to have such pool barrier fences or alarms unless they are lacking proper yard fences.

It’s just good practical sense and peace of mind to install a pool barrier fence to protect your little ones as well as elderly family members and pets. The primary material of a pool safety fence is a textilene mesh along with reinforced aluminum poles. When fully assembled and installed properly by a professional these fences can withstand several hundreds of pounds of force.

In the south Florida area, costs will typically range between $12-$16 per linear foot for materials and labor. Typically, consumers see average costs around $800-$2000 depending on the size of the pool, pool deck surface, elevation changes, type of mesh and gate style. When it comes to keeping our kids safe, that’s a reasonable price to pay.

Statistics, fencing material information and cost estimates provided by
Rick Gagnon

Baby Guard Pool Fence
www.babyguardfence.com
954-340-6489

Self-esteem: Part of the basics, not just a byproduct

By Dr. Simone Alicia, D.D, h.c

Take a shower, brush your teeth, mind your manners, and nurture your self-esteem. Those are the basics for our kids, right? Along with eating healthy, studying, and going to bed on time, most of us would agree that these are foundations of proper physical and emotional health.

Yet, there’s something strange on that list. Something that is always expected from our kids, but usually left off of the list of basic life lessons: It’s self-esteem.

Some say it’s just a byproduct that comes from doing other things, like sports, dance, or theater. But is that enough? Or do we need to teach self-esteem more directly?

As a self-esteem coach, one of the first things my young clients learn from me is that self-esteem is “the way we think and feel about ourselves.” I love that definition because it empowers kids to take charge of what they are thinking about anytime that they want. And they quickly learn that their thoughts affect their attitude, beliefs, and behavior!

Now, picture it, your kids just finished watching a drama-filled series online, then they played a few hours of a violent video game; they also realized that they got a bad grade, and a former friend was mean to them on social media. All of these experiences become images swirling around in your child’s mind. Each image has a negative feeling attached to it.

Now here’s the key: Your child has no clue what to do about these thoughts and feelings. So, now it affects their behavior, and they have a negative attitude toward you all day.

Is the self-esteem “byproduct” from their extracurricular activities enough to help them through this? No. They need real, direct tools, like affirmations, journaling, and reframing skills, which I’ll detail for you below:

  • This involves reciting positive things about yourself starting with “I am.” Singing them to the beat of a familiar tune helps younger kids through difficult times.
  • Step 1: “Release,” which is writing out all negative emotions in a journal and really imagining that they are being released out of you. Step 2 (most important): Turn to a new page and “refill” yourself, being a best friend to yourself and coaching yourself through whatever you just released, so you are left in a positive place. For example, “Even though that happened, I am strong, and I know it’ll be OK.”
  • This is a method by which you try to see your situation in a different way, perhaps with humor or by finding the good thing hidden in your situation. The sentence may start with “Well, at least…” ⎯ for example, if children get a low score at school, they could say, “Well, at least it’s not the last grade for the year.”

The most important thing for parents to know is that tools are out there to help their kids with building self-esteem, and they should have those tools before they need them. Preparation is power. After all, it’s far easier to put the life vest on before you fall into the water. Am I right?

With the current times that we live in and the unlimited access to technology, social media, controversial influencers, and more, we can no longer treat self-esteem building like a mere byproduct that kids will pick up somewhere. Instead, it’s time to recognize self-esteem building as a basic, fundamental life skill that our kids need to learn directly in order to live mentally healthy lives.

 

A thank you to our furry friends

By Julie Rosner

Over the past year, the increased amount of stress has taken a toll on many people. Our normal support network is reduced and we are no longer out and about socializing with our friends and loved ones. Thankfully, during all this uncertainty, we do have individuals we can always rely on for love, support, and entertainment; our pets.

Anyone who knows me or spends at least five minutes with me knows how special my 1-year-old Siberian husky Ellie is to me. She is not just my dog, but truly a member of my family. Ellie has helped me through good times and bad. Not only has she helped reduce my stress and anxiety during this new transition, but she keeps me active and on a schedule.

According to Matt Bershadker, President and CEO of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), “This year the ASPCA saw a nearly 70 percent increase in animals going to foster care compared to the same period last year.” Due to the new norm of working from home, more dogs are finding homes, meaning few are left at shelters. If you are looking to adopt a pet, now is the time.

Ask anyone, the bond between furry or even feathered friends and their owners and loved ones is like no other. You always have a companion when you’re sad, lonely, or just want someone around to make you smile. Pets know when something is wrong and are ready to provide love, licks, and snuggles. When it is time to get up in the morning, no need for an alarm because your pet will wake you with barks, licks, or even some meows. Need I say more?

Besides all the added benefits of owning a pet, think about the emotional support they provide us and we provide them. No matter when you got your pet, chances are they have changed your life for the better. And for them, you have welcomed them into your family, bought them way too many toys, and given them the best life they could ever have.

According to Orlando resident Maddison Moak, “My 2-year-old German Shepherd named Ivey helps me in those moments where I need to be reminded that I am never actually alone. I’ve never understood true companionship until I had her around.”

People battling any health issue or requiring emotional support can apply to have an Emotional Support Animal by their side wherever and whenever they travel or go out in public. An emotional support animal can be a dog, cat, or any animal that helps ease the symptoms of emotional or mental disability.

According to adata.org, an emotional support animal is “any animal that provides emotional support alleviating one or more symptoms or effects of a person’s disability.” Emotional support animals do not have special training to perform tasks that assist people with disabilities, but rather provide companionship, relieve loneliness, and help with mental or health issues.

“In return, I bring Ivey comfort when she is scared and constantly show her unconditional love,” Moak said.

In the same regard, dogs can rely on their owners or loved ones for emotional support too. They need us like we need them. They may not be able to verbally tell us how much they love and appreciate us, but some signals like wagging their tails, licking your face, or cuddling up against you prove the mutual respect and love they have for you.

Our pets, no matter the breed, type of pet, or age, need us to survive. Beside the basics of feeding and caring, some pets have anxiety with other dogs, certain house appliances, certain people that visit, and more.

Even though adopting a pet might seem glamorous and loads of fun, which it is, there comes a heavy amount of personal and financial responsibility. For example, if an individual decides to adopt a puppy, they need to be aware of the training and the commitment needed to teach the dog right from wrong. Before making any decisions, be aware that time and money are things that should be considered.

In the end, pets need us like we need them. Ellie knows that she can count on me for belly rubs, to protect her from the occasional thunderstorm or fi rework show, and to provide love to her each and every day. As for me, Ellie knows when to comfort me when I am stressed or overwhelmed and greets me with kisses and licks any chance she can. During these times, Ellie has only made me a more active and happy human being. The more time I spend with her, the
happier I become. Ellie, thank you for bringing so much meaning to my life, I woof you!

Dietitians View: Bitter is better

When asked about flavor profiles it is rare for folks to respond enthusiastically that they “love bitter.” Bitter is one of the basic tastes that our taste buds identify along with sweet, salty, and sour. An affi nity for bitter is infl uenced by several factors including taste experiences, culture, and environment.

Bitter plays two roles—it can signal toxins and something that is dangerous to consume and it can also serve as a stimulant for the appetite and as an aid in digestion. Bitter foods can protect against illness and contribute to good health.

Vegetables that you’ll fi nd on the bitter list include Arugula, Brussels sprouts, and Kale. Arugula has a peppery, somewhat mustardy flavor that has long been popular with Italians. It has become increasingly popular in the United States.

Most often it is served raw, however, arugula can be sautéed to serve as a cooked vegetable. It is low calorie and a good source of Vitamins A, C, K and folate. It also contains iron and calcium and is a good choice to provide plant-based iron in your diet.

This green is high in glucosinolates which de-toxify the body and fight cancer. It is also high in antioxidants which strengthen the immune system and can prevent damage to the body’s cells.

Brussels sprouts are a member of the cabbage family. They’re now trendy and are often prepared roasted, which brings out a sweeter somewhat nutty flavor. Roasting reduces the sulfurous odor and bitter taste which many people dislike. They are good for you. They are low in calories, provide protein and are high in Vitamins C and K. They also contain Vitamin A, B-vitamins, folate, potassium, and fiber. This vegetable also contains glucosinolates and antioxidants, and can aid in reducing cholesterol.

Kale fans love this popular bitter green. It appears throughout the supermarket from the fresh produce aisle, to deli-counter prepared salads, to the snack aisle as kale chips. Kale is low calorie, contains protein and fiber along with Vitamins A, C, and K. It also contains folate, phosphorus, potassium, and calcium. Kale contains a small amount of good fat—an omega-3 fatty acid.

Kale, however, can interfere with blood thinners due to the amount of Vitamin K it contains. It also can suppress thyroid function in some people.

Although we’ve focused on bitter, I also wanted to share info about a food we typically see at the end of the meal: Chocolate. Chocolate is produced from cocoa beans which are naturally bitter and astringent. The more cocoa solids the chocolate contains, the more bitter and astringent the chocolate flavor with higher antioxidant content. Cocoa beans are rich in plant nutrients called flavonoids.

The amount of cacao beans and flavanols can vary. Bittersweet or dark chocolate contains the most generous amounts from higher cacao content chocolate. Dark chocolate can help lower blood pressure and maintain healthy arteries that are relaxed and flexible, thus increasing blood flow.

This bitter sweet can have a positive effect on heart health, reduce insulin insensitivity and lower the risk of diabetes. Dark chocolate can also increase the feeling of fullness which can reduce cravings for sweet and salty foods.

I’ve just touched on a few bitter choices, remember it’s important to eat a variety of foods and be mindful of all things in moderation.

Take Away: Include bitter foods in your diet; they stimulate appetite and digestion, can protect against illness and are an aid to good health.

Ask Dr. Renae: A quandary worthy of Solomon

Dear Dr. Renae,
I have been alternating weekly living with each parent since I have been five years old. My parents explained to me that the judge ordered this plan. The arrangement was one which I never questioned since it feels like it has always been that way. Lately, I have been wanting to have a different arrangement, but I am afraid of hurting the feelings of the parent I want to spend less time with. I also do not want to cause further problems between my divorced parents since they do not get along with each other. I am sure my bringing it up would cause more conflict, but it just doesn’t seem fair that I need to move back and forth each week just because they are no longer married! My friends are encouraging me to talk to my parents rather than waiting another year and a half when I go off to college. I can’t decide if it is worth the risk and I will regret bringing it up.

                                                                                                                                                    Torn at 17.

Dear Torn at 17,
Your parents love you so much and I’m confident they would want to make sure you are happy. If this is something you really think would be beneficial, I would suggest talking to one of your parents about it!! See what they think, and maybe you can come up with a good solution. Listen to your heart and do whatever makes you happiest! I feel that your parents will understand no matter which direction you go.
A Caring Friend

Dear Torn at 17,
It’s very difficult to move your entire life from one house to another every week or so. Your feelings of wanting to spend more time in one house are very valid; everyone deserves to settle down in one place because it helps keep you stable. I believe that if you bring it up in a non-emotional way then your parents may be okay with the change. Tell them that you want to spend more time in one house rather than with one parent. You’re not preferring one parent or the other, you just want to feel settled down and constantly moving is not helpful. I wish you all the best and I hope everything works out.                                                    A High School Senior

Dear Torn at 17,
I always believe communication is key, and I think it is of the utmost importance in your situation. I understand that you are leaving in a year and a half, but your feelings in the present are just as valuable. Every party involved is mature and so you should not be afraid of having conflict. Compromise and discussion are important to have, so I advise having a meeting with your parents whenever everyone is available. I hope everything goes well for you.
Your Fellow Teen

Dear Torn at 17,
I suggest that you consider the time you cherish with each parent outside of the location where you sleep. Your parents will value more time with you in specific activities you enjoy with each of them. You might request a weekly dinner night, movie night, day trip, or time engaged in a shared hobby. Explain to your parents that the time you spend alone in your room, sleeping in your bed under their roof is not the important part of their parenting. If you pair your request for sleeping nightly in the same home with spending more quality time together engaged in enjoyable activities, you will be closer to meeting the needs of the parent whose home you would not be sleeping. Focus your conversation on enjoying the relationship with each parent for now and the long- term future. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself is not emotionally healthy and detracts from the honest relationship you hope to have with your parents. You are in a position to determine the type of communication YOU have with each parent, not the relationship they have with each other. The conflict they have with each other is not your fault, nor are you able to control it. I hope they appreciate your honesty and recognize your efforts to improve YOUR relationship with them. Your parents are so lucky to have you as their child!
Dr. Renae

 

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website:

Welcome

Archery and the awakened self… really!

By Amy Martin

When we think of meditation, we typically think of sitting still, perhaps in a candlelit space, with an abundance of silence, while quieting the mind. When we think of activities and sports that elicit a similar mental focus and meditative effect, we tend to think of more popular sports such as golfing or fishing, or even the more fashionable East Asian influences of t’ai chi and yoga.

Infrequently do we think about archery. Archery has a long history, practiced for thousands of years. We know that ancient Egyptians were among the first to regularly utilize archery in 3000 B.C.E. for hunting and warfare.

However, the oldest remnants of bone and stone arrowheads have been located in South Africa dating back 60,000-70,000 years. Originally devised across cultures as a tool for survival, upon the discovery of gunpowder in 9th-century China and the creation of fi rearms in 10th-century China, archery had become relatively dispensable and obsolete.

Luckily, by the late 18th-century, archery found an enthusiastic revival among the aristocracy and nobility as recreation and sport. In 1879, the National Archery Association of the United States was founded. Today we know this organization as USA Archery, and it is recognized by the United States Olympic & Paralympic Committee.

While archery has evolved and taken many forms throughout the centuries, with many varying intentions — we rarely think about archery as an art form — let alone a meditative practice.

However, dismissing archery as anything but, does a great disservice to this masterful skill, and to the archer, or the artist, herself. There is a great gift to be found in this centuries-old art form, and you may discover that gift within yourself.

My first experiences with archery began as a child with my father and brother. We would travel all over Northern New Jersey in search of outdoor wooded ranges, with our brown bag lunches and moderately-worn gear in tow.

I’ll never forget receiving my first bow (a Bear compound bow, which I still have), feverishly running down the street of my suburban hometown with the bow string drawn, perhaps alarming the neighborhood, thrilled to show my friends. I knew I loved archery from the very beginning.

But as the years went by, I had forgotten about my beloved pastime.

Much later, while in college studying for my philosophy degree, I stumbled upon “Zen in the Art of Archery,” by Eugen Herrigel, a German philosopher who traveled to Japan to study the art, and the practice, of attaining a state of zen through archery.

Much like the revitalization in the 18th-century, for me, archery was discovered once again. I had already been practicing meditation and yoga for years, and I found that my love of archery was still very ever-present.

This simple and profound text had suddenly awakened my spirit, reinvigorated my passion, and taught me valuable lessons about the significance of an awakened self, focused breathwork, achieving a meditative state where all else disappears, and performing complex movements with unconscious control from the mind.

Great archery masters know that where you place your feet, how you maintain your posture, where you hold the bow, and how you breathe when you release the arrow are all determining factors of your end result. The bow itself is a limb, an extension of the archer herself. The breathwork is the lifeforce behind each action.

Nowadays, when I feel particularly stressed, or otherwise not myself, I find myself at the range. Yes, I would say, on those days, I literally find myself there.

If you would like to learn more about attaining your state of zen through the art of archery, visit these websites for local information:

Fort Lauderdale Archers, a private membership club – BYOBow
https://www.fortlauderdalearchers.com/

Go Archery, mobile archery lessons – https://goarchery.net/

Markham Park, outdoor range – BYOBow https://www.broward.org/

Parks/ThingsToDo/Pages/MarkhamParkArcheryRange.aspx

Bass Pro Shops, indoor range – BYOBow https://basspro.com

For my Dad. Thank you.

Motherhood on the autism spectrum

By Amy Martin

Carly Fulgham is recognized for quite the impressive life and career. She is a mother, wife, and Vice President of Document Services Strategy for a major worldwide bank. She is also the first autistic President of the Board of Directors of the Autism Society of Ventura County, VP of the Autism Society of California, and is on the Board of The Art of Autism.

She was recently a guest on “Spectrumly Speaking,” A Different Brains® podcast, with hosts Haley Moss and Dr. Lori Butts.  Carly explains that for the first twenty years of her life she didn’t realize that she had autism. She had been using workarounds until she experienced burnout and needed Social Security disability.

One day, she found an article about a boy with autism and suddenly her own
disability became clear. She was finally diagnosed at 28 years old. Becoming
involved in the Autism Society shortly thereafter was a no-brainer.

Navigating her disability on her own was one thing, but doing so with children
was another. She knew that she had a complicated medical history and that she (and her medical team) would need to be prepared for her specific needs, and communication was key.

Carly had prepared a very long birth plan, including a huge section about
her sensory issues, and how she might respond to pain and other experiences. She discusses how certain types of touch can trigger her issues, how variations of feather-light touches and knife-sharp pain may cause different reactions.

When she noticed that one nurse during her labor communicated differently than her, she politely requested a different nurse, and possible miscommunications were averted. She even prepared for the
sounds and the chaos in the operating room by wearing noise-canceling
headphones.

Carly stresses that many women don’t even fi nd out that they have autism
until their own children are diagnosed, meaning that maternity nurses have likely cared for plenty of undiagnosed autistic patients. She says the nurses are, “Used to all kinds of sensory things like, ‘I have to have low music playing,’ or ‘I have to have this lavender scent’ or ‘I have to have it scent-free.’”

Haley Moss adds that there already exists a bias in medicine for women,
and for autistic people in particular, where pain is often not taken seriously
or believed. She shares her own fears on becoming an autistic mother in the future, asking, “What if I’m in pain and someone doesn’t believe me because they think autism impairs my sense of judgment?”

Carly explains hospitals in general have a poor system for pain scales, replying
that often only a diagram with facial expressions and numbers is available to
measure pain. For the autistic patient, this vague representation may be difficult to understand. Someone’s level four pain may be someone else’s eight. Carly stresses that you have to be really descriptive, giving
examples like “It feels like someone’s stabbing me with a knife”, or “It feels like ants are crawling on me.”

Carly notes that through her non-profit work, her autism, and the awareness of
the developmental stages have helped her become a better mother.

She recounts a story about her son from before he could talk, where they were
sitting at the breakfast table and he started screaming. Carly says she took
a moment and thought, ‘Okay, there’s something that’s upsetting him’. So she
followed his eyeline and he was staring outside in the backyard at a blue ball.
She asked her son, “Do you want me to put the blue ball away?” and he nodded
his head in the middle of his wailing. So Carly went out, put the ball in the box it’s normally kept in, and he instantaneously stopped screaming.

For more of this conversation you can listen to the entire podcast, or read the transcript, here:

https://www.differentbrains.org/motherhood-on-the-autism-spectrum-with-carly-fulgham-spectrumly-speaking-ep-107/.

Ask Dr. Renae: Worried about the cost of the COVID school gap

Dear Dr. Renae,

I hear some teachers commenting on this school year being a lost year and all the students winding up a year behind. I am aware that I didn’t learn as much as I would have since online was not as good as in person for some subjects. I worry about being prepared for college entrance exams and college coursework. I am even more worried about my younger sister who is struggling to learn how to read. I notice how frustrated the teachers are as well. Many of my peers are upset about missing out on social activities but I am thinking about my future. Am I weird for worrying about my education?

Unprepared High School Junior

Dear Unprepared High School Junior,

It is completely normal to be worried about your education! Education is a major cornerstone in our lives, so I understand where you are coming from. It helps to remem-ber that every person in the world is facing the same issue that is happening to you, and so I believe people will be more mindful and understanding of the circumstances you have come from. You could not control the cards you were dealt, and educators know that. It is my belief that they will have to be accommodating to any issues that may arise from online education, if they would want to dutifully fulfill their jobs. Hopefully, I assuaged some of your fears, and I wish you the best of luck in your academic journey.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Unprepared High School Junior,

It’s completely understandable being concerned about your academics. Commendable, even. Whilst students have been heavily affected by this pandemic, it’s important to re-main optimistic. Junior year is a crucial time for prospective university students but with everything going on, universities might be lenient with requirements. Now is also a fantastic time to build your student resumé. If you haven’t already decided on a university, now is the perfect time to take a look and reach out to universities. This is the fun part! As far as preparation goes, there’s plenty of practice SAT samplequestions available online as well as books to read. It’s important to be studious but not too hard on yourself. Stay safe!

A Caring Friend

Dear Unprepared Junior,

You are not weird for worrying about your education at all. From reading your submission, I can tell you care about your education which is really important. Since I’m not in college just yet, I asked my 25-year-old sister for some advice I could give you. The best thing she told me was from her college experience, as long as you keep up your studying, work ethic and motivation, you will be fi ne. To tell you the truth, she told me that high school did not prepare her for college; college prepared her for college. Stressing right now over something you don’t know will happen will drive you crazy! It’s best to start good habits during online school that you can later use in college. I hope this helps!

Your Friend

Dear Unprepared Junior,

It is true that most students did not learn as much academic curriculum as they would have if school was in person as usual. The timing and speed at which learning takes place, however, is not indicative of future happiness and success. Many professionals took an unexpected alternative path and timeline in preparing for their career which helped better lead them toward  success. Struggling with the lifestyle changes required during the pandemic has given you an opportunity to learn much more than academics. Conquering boredom and anxiety, along with navigating a new daily structure has taught you flexibility, creativity, and perseverance. Those skills help you to be significantly prepared for college as well as your future. Take pride in the personal growth you have experienced in order to acquire more confidence in your ability to adapt to the future.

Dr. Renae

 

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida.

For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com