How my child’s battle with cancer prepared our family for the pandemic

Thirteen years ago my life changed overnight. I was happily living a normal routine. Then, suddenly, I found myself in constant worry. I was fearful of financial ruin. I was having constant concern of a family member’s failing health, and anxiety of the possible effects to a compromised immune system.

I found myself feeling safer in isolation. I went down a rabbit hole of unpredictability checking numbers, incessantly wiping down surfaces, washing hands, and applying for social services like food stamps after losing my job.

Back then, the numbers I was checking were not the daily percent of positive tests for an invisible illness in my community or the number of local hospitalizations.

The numbers were of the different blood cells my son had. The illness that he had was not invisible. In fact, it could be seen under a microscope in a regular blood sample because it appeared black. It was cancer. He was only 6 years old, and I was 26.

The whole world was not experiencing it with us at that time. Although some 300,000 families experience it annually, we still felt like the only ones.

The journey started in May of 2007. Seven years later, my son
was done with chemo and cancer free.

During those seven years he endured more spinal taps, bone marrow aspirations, blood transfusions, and needle pokes than I could ever count (or want to).

He also went through a relapse, six fractures to his spine, a blood clot, and a stroke.

The journey was tiring, scary, and forever life-changing.

What I didn’t expect in the years following his recovery was how useful all that I learned would become.

All the heartaches and lessons I learned during that time would become a road map for navigating a future health crisis: The COVID-19 pandemic.

A year ago, in March 2020, we all were plummeted into a whole new world. To me, however, the landscape looked familiar.

I discovered that I was equipped to navigate it. Through my experiences I had garnered some tools in dealing with uncertainty and crisis. I want to share the top 10 with you.

Find Joy- I found during those hard times that joy seemed to elude me. I was submerged in worry and sadness. It took a while for me to recognize that in the toughest of times you must work at finding joy.

When you look for beauty, you will find it, and once you do, beauty and joy will naturally find you.

Show Gratitude & Appreciation-They say nothing is a better teacher than experience, and I would add nothing makes a person wiser than proper perspective.

Finding gratitude was hard at fi rst, but suddenly I became grateful for the little things that became big things to me; little things like a smile or laugh from my sick son, his immune system being strong enough to visit friends, or the gourmet coffee shop at the hospital. The minute I started learning to appreciate and have gratitude for the little things everything changed.

Be Flexible- Life will take you down paths you never predicted or saw coming. The lesson learned is that control is an illusion and hanging on to habits that once made sense, but do not anymore, will only make change that much harder to adapt to. Be willing to learn new things. Adapt your schedule, and go with the flow.

Create Fun- This is so important. Get creative. When my son was unable to go to movie theaters, attend parties or restaurants, we, as a family, brought the fun to us.

My parents started creating movie nights for him and his brother, and expanded them into themed movie nights.

There are no rules that say you need a bunch of people to throw a party! You
can throw a party on an easy budget with just your immediate family.

Since the pandemic, we started this again. We have thrown over 20 theme nights at home with just us that include costumes, dinner, and a movie, all  around a central theme.

Nothing is Forever- The best of times will not last, which could be a depressing thought, until you realize that also means the worst of times will not last forever either.

Everything on earth is temporary. EVERYTHING. So, breathe in the good and be present for it, and breathe out the tough times.

Find Stillness and Nature- Find time to meditate, pray, or just count your breaths in and out every day.

Experts say that 20 minutes of meditation a day is optimal. But days can get away from you in a crisis, so if you can only close your eyes and count 10 breaths in and out, say a mantra 10 times, or say a quick prayer to your God, it is more than nothing at all.

Also, even five minutes of observing nature can do wonders. Going outside is preferable, but some days I would only be able to watch the swaying of the trees or clouds through a hospital window. But even that would lighten my spirit enough to bring me some peace.

Ask for and Accept Help if You Need it- Having too much pride can have a devastating consequence on your family and soul. If you need help, ask for it, and if it is off ered, take it. There is no shame in it.

Give Love and Help Others- Nothing will make you happier than helping someone else. There is no medicine as powerful as putting your woes aside and focusing on helping another person. Look around you and see how even in turmoil you still possess the ability to better the lives of those around you,  and then do it.

Find Balance- This is something everyone struggles with in their lives, even without a crisis. It is important. However, it is even more important amid a crisis.

You will not achieve that every day. The important part is not pressuring yourself into perfection of balance, only striving for it over the course of your journey.

If you try to focus on balance without judging yourself for not perfecting it, in the arch of time, you will find you achieved it.

Make Humor a Coping Tool- Of all the tools and lessons learned throughout my life’s journey nothing is more potent a healer than humor.

Don’t take life so seriously because life itself is constantly contradictory, indecisive, and unpredictable. It is a beautiful mess, and so are you. Learn to
laugh about it!

In the end you should accept right now that your life will not look exactly like you envisioned it.

Your life may never be the same after this pandemic. It’s ok and natural to struggle with it. Just know that struggle is how you will grow.

Remember this time of pandemic does not make up the sum of your life. But if you use it as a teacher and look at it with a wise perspective, you may see the time as one of the most valuable of your life. The beauty of it lies in the fact that you get to choose.

Destiny Haggett is an advocate for pediatric cancer research, former model, and public speaker. She currently runs a 962-seat live entertainment venue in Coconut Creek, Florida.

Yes, there are decent sweet wines

Most wine aficionados, geeks, and the pinky lifters look at sweet wines as “syrupy sweet little nonentities” that should not be taken seriously and dismiss them as undrinkable trash. Unfortunately, in some cases, they happen to be right. This country, whose citizens are known to have a monstrous sweet tooth, has been subjected to some incredibly poor sweet wines that have nothing at all to offer them except being an inexpensive, slightly alcoholic, grape flavored, soda pop without the bubbles.

Enter Bordeaux France, the ancestral home of many of the world’s fi nest wines, some of these being sweet wines. These wines are so popular in Europe (more specifically in Russia) that we rarely see them here. Sweet wines, often called Dessert Wines, display all of the charm and character that made the classical Bordeaux wines famous and are once again appearing on our shores. Might I suggest that we drop our sweet win prejudice and give these wines a fair trial?

Just FYI, Château d’Yquem, a Bordeaux sweet wine, was awarded the highest rating a Bordeaux wine can achieve, Premier Cru Supérieur, and sells for $250+ a bottle.

Let’s start by stating one very important point: it is ILLEGAL in every wine producing country of the world to add sugar to wine to sweeten it or increase its alcohol content; in ancient Germany, the penalty was death. Wines are made sweet in Bordeaux when growers take the gamble of losing their entire crop to frost or disease and leave the grapes on the vine long enough to create natural sugars enhanced by a good fungus called botrytis cinerea. The botrytis not only enhances the grape sugars but also adds its desirable and distinctive flavor and aroma to the finished wine.

2015 Château Dauphiné Rondillon 750 ml ($42).
This wine, as do all of the Bordeaux sweet wines, displays a golden color that is almost hypnotizing and eagerly invites the first sip. The aroma is outstanding, displaying wildflowers, citrus, and summer stone fruits. On the palate, the wine presents peaches, honey, crème brûlée, tangerine, and the unmistakably pleasant flavor from the botrytis. These all continue to the finish where they seem to last indefinitely. This is a prime example of a Bordeaux sweetie and may change your mind about sweet wines forever.

2019 Château La Hargue 375 ml ($15).

This wine presents a brilliant golden color and an attractive aroma of exotic fruit, citrus, and vanilla. The aroma proceeds nonstop to the flavor, where it is enhanced by the sweetness. The finish will impress you with its extraordinary length. If you believe that all sweet wines taste the same, the 2019 Château La Hargue will change your mind.

2018 Château Tanesse Palissades 375 ml ($15).

Another melody of a similar tune, however, this one has incorporated the Muscadelle grape into the blend for added interest, depth, and color. This is truly a summer wine as it very prominently displays the aromas of summer  flowers and the light-colored summer fruits. There are hints of citrus, such as tangerine and grapefruit, which carry on to the flavor and then transition to a fresh and fruity, almost overpowering, finish. This wine could be considered the perfect ambassador for sweet Bordeaux wines.

Château la Rame 750 ml ($35).

This wine is the most kaleidoscopic of the quartet, presenting an ever changing experience. Here too, the wine shares similar flavors and aromas to all Bordeaux sweet wines but presents its flavors in a different order, making for even greater interest. It is the summer fruits that take preference over the floral aromas. These fruits carry through to the flavor and are amplified in the finish. This wine, like all of the others presented here, can prove to be the perfect end to a perfect meal.