Thirteen years ago my life changed overnight. I was happily living a normal routine. Then, suddenly, I found myself in constant worry. I was fearful of financial ruin. I was having constant concern of a family member’s failing health, and anxiety of the possible effects to a compromised immune system.
I found myself feeling safer in isolation. I went down a rabbit hole of unpredictability checking numbers, incessantly wiping down surfaces, washing hands, and applying for social services like food stamps after losing my job.
Back then, the numbers I was checking were not the daily percent of positive tests for an invisible illness in my community or the number of local hospitalizations.
The numbers were of the different blood cells my son had. The illness that he had was not invisible. In fact, it could be seen under a microscope in a regular blood sample because it appeared black. It was cancer. He was only 6 years old, and I was 26.
The whole world was not experiencing it with us at that time. Although some 300,000 families experience it annually, we still felt like the only ones.
The journey started in May of 2007. Seven years later, my son
was done with chemo and cancer free.
During those seven years he endured more spinal taps, bone marrow aspirations, blood transfusions, and needle pokes than I could ever count (or want to).
He also went through a relapse, six fractures to his spine, a blood clot, and a stroke.
The journey was tiring, scary, and forever life-changing.
What I didn’t expect in the years following his recovery was how useful all that I learned would become.
All the heartaches and lessons I learned during that time would become a road map for navigating a future health crisis: The COVID-19 pandemic.
A year ago, in March 2020, we all were plummeted into a whole new world. To me, however, the landscape looked familiar.
I discovered that I was equipped to navigate it. Through my experiences I had garnered some tools in dealing with uncertainty and crisis. I want to share the top 10 with you.
Find Joy- I found during those hard times that joy seemed to elude me. I was submerged in worry and sadness. It took a while for me to recognize that in the toughest of times you must work at finding joy.
When you look for beauty, you will find it, and once you do, beauty and joy will naturally find you.
Show Gratitude & Appreciation-They say nothing is a better teacher than experience, and I would add nothing makes a person wiser than proper perspective.
Finding gratitude was hard at fi rst, but suddenly I became grateful for the little things that became big things to me; little things like a smile or laugh from my sick son, his immune system being strong enough to visit friends, or the gourmet coffee shop at the hospital. The minute I started learning to appreciate and have gratitude for the little things everything changed.
Be Flexible- Life will take you down paths you never predicted or saw coming. The lesson learned is that control is an illusion and hanging on to habits that once made sense, but do not anymore, will only make change that much harder to adapt to. Be willing to learn new things. Adapt your schedule, and go with the flow.
Create Fun- This is so important. Get creative. When my son was unable to go to movie theaters, attend parties or restaurants, we, as a family, brought the fun to us.
My parents started creating movie nights for him and his brother, and expanded them into themed movie nights.
There are no rules that say you need a bunch of people to throw a party! You
can throw a party on an easy budget with just your immediate family.
Since the pandemic, we started this again. We have thrown over 20 theme nights at home with just us that include costumes, dinner, and a movie, all around a central theme.
Nothing is Forever- The best of times will not last, which could be a depressing thought, until you realize that also means the worst of times will not last forever either.
Everything on earth is temporary. EVERYTHING. So, breathe in the good and be present for it, and breathe out the tough times.
Find Stillness and Nature- Find time to meditate, pray, or just count your breaths in and out every day.
Experts say that 20 minutes of meditation a day is optimal. But days can get away from you in a crisis, so if you can only close your eyes and count 10 breaths in and out, say a mantra 10 times, or say a quick prayer to your God, it is more than nothing at all.
Also, even five minutes of observing nature can do wonders. Going outside is preferable, but some days I would only be able to watch the swaying of the trees or clouds through a hospital window. But even that would lighten my spirit enough to bring me some peace.
Ask for and Accept Help if You Need it- Having too much pride can have a devastating consequence on your family and soul. If you need help, ask for it, and if it is off ered, take it. There is no shame in it.
Give Love and Help Others- Nothing will make you happier than helping someone else. There is no medicine as powerful as putting your woes aside and focusing on helping another person. Look around you and see how even in turmoil you still possess the ability to better the lives of those around you, and then do it.
Find Balance- This is something everyone struggles with in their lives, even without a crisis. It is important. However, it is even more important amid a crisis.
You will not achieve that every day. The important part is not pressuring yourself into perfection of balance, only striving for it over the course of your journey.
If you try to focus on balance without judging yourself for not perfecting it, in the arch of time, you will find you achieved it.
Make Humor a Coping Tool- Of all the tools and lessons learned throughout my life’s journey nothing is more potent a healer than humor.
Don’t take life so seriously because life itself is constantly contradictory, indecisive, and unpredictable. It is a beautiful mess, and so are you. Learn to
laugh about it!
In the end you should accept right now that your life will not look exactly like you envisioned it.
Your life may never be the same after this pandemic. It’s ok and natural to struggle with it. Just know that struggle is how you will grow.
Remember this time of pandemic does not make up the sum of your life. But if you use it as a teacher and look at it with a wise perspective, you may see the time as one of the most valuable of your life. The beauty of it lies in the fact that you get to choose.
Destiny Haggett is an advocate for pediatric cancer research, former model, and public speaker. She currently runs a 962-seat live entertainment venue in Coconut Creek, Florida.