In the blink of an eye

I guess we are all getting older, but occasionally, there is a situation that reinforces the fact that you have become part of the older generation. That situation happened to me this past spring when I was lecturing at Auburn Veterinary School. I was part of a group of speakers talking to the veterinary students about life post-graduation. Speakers from around the country were mentoring young minds, eager to hear about their profession. There is nothing more rewarding.

While I was waiting to speak, I decided to walk around the veterinary school. It was cold outside, so I stayed inside and walked by a man and woman. When I walked by, I could hear them talking about me, and I heard the woman tell the man that she knew me but could not remember where.

I continued to walk around the building when I heard her loudly say down the hall, “she knew it,” and before I knew it, she was walking briskly to catch up to me. She tugged at my jacket and apologized, but she wanted to say hi to me.

She introduced herself as Paulette and said that I might not remember her, but her mother, who recently passed away, was a client, and I would remember Rocko the Rottweiler.

Dr. Glenn Kalick

Rocko the Rottweiler was one of a kind. The owner used to call the dog stupid because I performed four exploratory surgeries to remove foreign bodies from his intestines. A little biology lesson here: Rottweilers have large diameter intestines, so a foreign body would have to be large to obstruct Rocko. Interestingly, each of the four foreign body surgeries was for either the husband’s athletic socks or the knot on the end of a large rawhide dog bone. Rocko was one of a kind. He got into the fishing tackle box and got a fishing hook stuck in his tongue, and the one time he went to the beach, he got stung by a jellyfish. Thank god the owner had pet insurance.

Paulette introduced her husband, who also said he recognized me. He told me I probably would not recognize him, but he spent a day shadowing me for a school project when he was in high school. He told me that he was the kid who fainted when watching me in surgery.

I told him that it happened all the time, and he should not be embarrassed. He said that experience changed his career aspirations from wanting to be a human surgeon to pursuing his love for numbers, and now he is an accountant.

It was great to see Paulette and her husband, but it was strange that it happened at a veterinary school in Alabama.  I asked her if she was here because her pet was sick. She said she didn’t currently have a pet because she was too busy traveling. So, I had to ask her again, why is she there? My daughter is in Vet school at Auburn, and we are taking her out to dinner after the conference.

So, here is the circle of life. I took care of the grandmother’s dog, and I am lecturing to the granddaughter at veterinary school. Where did the time go? I ended up going to dinner with the happy family and hope to continue to mentor the young veterinary student throughout her career.

American Heritage school ranked number one for a reason

Recent American Heritage School graduate Jordan Bouchner proudly joins 77 other seniors named National Merit Scholars this past February during their senior year.

American Heritage School is a private, college preparatory school for ages Pre-K through 12. This year marks the 11th consecutive year the school has had the highest number of National Merit Semifinalists and Finalists. One in four students in the Class of 2021 scored in the top one percent of students in the nation.

Both American Heritage’s Fort Lauderdale and Boca Raton locations rank as the number one private school in the United States. Their combined students from both campuses comprise 10 percent of all National Merit Scholars in the 2,227public and private schools in Florida.

“The recognition was nice, and the scholarship was especially comforting due to the uncertainty that we had with how the pandemic would affect our ability to pay for college,” Bouchner said.

Jordan Bouchner

According to Bouchner, the preparation for the PSAT (Preliminary SAT/National Merit Scholarship Qualifying Test) began during his sophomore year. If a student scores a certain percentage, American Heritage puts the student in a class to prepare for the exam.

These students practiced and reviewed throughout the summer to prepare to take the exam at the beginning of their junior year. Bouchner took the exam in October of 2018. Once scores were received, Bouchner received the award for semifinalist. He took the exam and applied for the scholarship in his senior year.

The top scorers in Florida on the PSAT exam advance from semifinalists to finalist status in the spring and are eligible to receive college scholarships.

Bouchner applied to be a finalist and was awarded a scholarship for college later that year.

“I knew going in it would be long and hard, but it worked. American Heritage does a good job encouraging students to go after these scholarships and try harder on the PSAT. They definitely have a plan for a lot of their scholarship kids to mold them into successful graduates.”

In addition to the millions of dollars in possible scholarships, these bright students now have new college opportunities and confidence in their futures.

According to the National Merit Scholarship organization, colleges such as Harvard, Stanford, University of Chicago, and Vanderbilt enroll the most talented National Merit Scholars.

President of American Heritage Schools Dr. Douglas Laurie, said, “Not only are they nationally recognized as the top one percent academically, but they are also extremely well- rounded, excelling both in and out of the classroom in fine arts, sports, and community service.”

Bouchner as well as the other 21 students, proudly accepted their scholarships and are now excelling and accomplishing greater paths at colleges around the nation.

Ask Dr. Renae: Speaking up as a true friend

Dear Dr. Renae,

I just found out that my good friend is drinking alcohol every night to relax
and to fall asleep. I saw the bottle in her room during our FaceTime chat and she laughed it off as no big deal. I know it is normal in her home since her parents have a nightly cocktail hour. We all learn the dangers of alcohol abuse in school every year, but when it feels normal at home, how can I get her to see that this is a problem? Is it?

Worried High School Junior

 

Hello Worried HS Junior,

This is a very important issue and I am glad you came seeking help. I feel the best thing you can do is to talk directly to her about why you believe this lifestyle is destructive. While it may be normalized in her household, having to drink alcohol to go to sleep is an unhealthy practice that is most likely due to another problem in your friend’s life. If you can find what the source of her anxiety is, you can recommend healthy coping options. Remember, the best thing you can do is be there and voice your concern. Hopefully, she will understand how much you care for her and begin taking steps to stop.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Worried High School Junior,

While underage drinking is a worrisome subject, if your friend is engaging in alcohol consumption, it’s probably to help cope with stress. Many teenagers get stressed during the start of a new term and especially considering the current global climate, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Using alcohol as a crutch can became dangerous very fast and lead to unforeseen consequences. If her parents are drinking as well, it’s very easy to follow suit, but there are discrepancies between the two. It’s best to tread lightly and look for signs of alcohol dependency. If stress is the main factor in her drinking, perhaps you can try talking to her about how to relax responsibly and safely.

Your Friend

Dear Worried High School Junior,

I would definitely bring it up to your friend and let her know you are not judging, you just care about her health and safety. I would suggest having a conversation to show you are there for her. You can suggest that if she has trouble falling asleep, she can talk to her mom and they can talk to a doctor who can recommend something, instead of harming herself with alcohol every night.

A Caring Friend

Dear Worried High School Junior,

Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol daily, especially at our age, is wrong. I’m sure you know the negative things that  come with it, but your friend does not. My advice is that you shouldn’t lecture her, but instead, have a conversation about why she feels the need to drink every night. Help her tackle the root of the issue and try to get her some alternatives to alcohol, if you can. Be patient, change doesn’t happen overnight. Good luck to you and your friend.

High School Senior

Dear Worried High School Junior,

In addition to teens, adults are also worried about close family members or friends who abuse alcohol. In many families, as well as some cultures, alcohol use is normalized. Despite clearly knowing the numerous dangers, it is easy to go from use to abuse. It sounds like your friend stumbled upon the use of alcohol to fall asleep and continues this nightly routine since it works.

Exploring alternative sleep-inducing strategies is hard work and your friend might not be looking to change her plan. Reminding her of the dangers will not likely be successful, since she already knows about them. Continuing to let your friend know that you care about her very much and are very concerned, while continuing to offer alternative options in a non-judgmental way, might draw your friend away from you. Despite that risk, you cannot remain silent about your genuine worry if you wish to be a true friend and true to yourself.

More importantly, you will need to find ways to take care of yourself so the stress of worrying for your friend does not disturb your ability to maintain calm and peaceful within yourself. That is a difficult life requirement!

Dr. Renae

 

TEENS:  Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40
years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: www.askdrrenae.com

Ask Dr. Renae: The “Friend Code”

Dear Dr. Renae,

I recently reconnected with an old friend from middle school and we have been talking a lot virtually. I really like him as more than a friend and I think he feels the same way. The problem is that he is my good friend’s ex-boyfriend. They were together for all of the eighth grade and didn’t remain friends when they broke up. I would often be caught in the middle of their problems as they both came to me for advice. Their relationship ended three years ago and we have all moved on, I think. Is it okay for me to date a good friend’s ex? Is there a “girl code” like my mother has described from when she was my age?

Confused 17-year-old

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

Essentially, yes. “Girl code” could be used for this scenario. Regardless of the time, this boy was once your friend’s boyfriend, so going out with him yourself could damage the friendship, as well as place guilt on yourself. If you really like this guy, and your friendship can withstand it, then go for it. Perhaps, try explaining to your friend that you reciprocate feelings for her ex-boyfriend and see what happens. Make sure it’s clear this wasn’t intentional or malicious. It is helpful in these situations to know that some things are circumstantial and not personal at all.

Your Friend

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

Your current situation should be handled carefully. I suggest talking to your friend and asking her if she has completely moved on and how she would feel if you and her ex got together. If she is fine with it, then go for it. However, if she has any concerns, or if she is not ok with it, then do not pursue her ex. Friendships are more valuable than romantic relationships, so make sure you do not ruin your relationship with either of them.

A High School Senior

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

I am happy you were able to reconnect with someone during the quarantine. I believe it is completely fine for you to date this person because he and your friend dated when they were much younger and very inexperienced with life. Now that all of you have grown up and most likely learned from your mistakes, it will lead to a stronger relationship .If everyone involved has moved on, it is completely fine to date this boy. If you have doubts, you can always ask your good friend about this issue. I hope this helps.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

“Girl code” can vary from person to person and what they see as “right.” I suggest that you talk to your friend before you start to date her ex-boyfriend. For a lot of people, it hurts more if they weren’t told something ahead of time. Talking with your friend will ensure she is okay and knows what’s going on. This way, if she does understand and you do start dating, you won’t lose your friendship.

A Caring Friend

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

The change in maturity from eighth grade to nearly the end of high school is incomparable to any. The amount one person grows during this time is unlike any other, so I’m sure your friend would not mind if you pursued a relationship with an ex she had in middle school. Most people in high school realize that their relationships in middle school were not meant to last. As your close friend, I am certain that she wants to see you happy, so any reservations she may have about the situation may be put to the side. However, I doubt she will have reservations as a relationship in middle school does not hold much relevance in her current day to day life. My one big piece of advice is to be sure to inform your friend of your actions, and what you plan to do next. If you go about this in a secretive manner, then it may become an issue because she will feel you are going around her. However, if you are open and honest about your feelings, I’m sure it will all work out!

A Romantic

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

It reveals a lot about your character that you are concerned about your friend’s feelings. A true friend will be open to hearing your concern and considering it sincerely so they can be honest about their feelings. You might already know your friend well enough to know how she would feel about your dating her middle school ex-boyfriend, and whether she will honestly share with you if it disturbs her. Despite not being fully grown, young teens have the capability of developing strong feelings in relationships which, while different, are just as intense as mature love. In discussing this, consider how your friend would feel if the relationship became serious enough to include all of you spending time together. Don’t forget to think about how you might feel if they become good friends again and the role was reversed with him going to her for relationship advice. How you might feel about yourself regarding dating this guy is just as important as how your friend might feel. A soul-searching conversation with yourself will help you assess the possible outcomes.

Dr. Renae

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice inBoca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com

 

SoFlo BUZZ: Coral Springs names MLK scholarship recipients

The City of Coral Springs MLK Committee, in partnership with the Coral Springs Community Chest, has announced the 18 high school seniors who were awarded scholarship funds for the 2020-2021 academic year.

“The 18 individuals exemplify and embody the spirit of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s teachings on peace, racial harmony, community service, and bettering the lives of others,” the committee explained.

2020 MLK scholarship recipients

J.P. Taravella High School: Fabian Landino – in honor of Walter “Skip” Campbell; Boaz Levy – in honor of Walter “Skip” Campbell.

Coral Springs High School: Johann Cifuentes – in honor of Walter “Skip” Campbell; Maham Khan; Zenique Reynolds; Isabella Alfano; Nicole Sanhueza; Dorien King; Tiffany Persaud; Kanksha Parikh.

Coral Glades High School: Cheyenne Levine
Coral Springs Charter School: Gardy Belot; Gianna Rodriguez; Isabella Zolla.
Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School: Katherine Sharrouf; Mariana Lopez; Daniela Guere; Zareyah Simpson