How my child’s battle with cancer prepared our family for the pandemic

Thirteen years ago my life changed overnight. I was happily living a normal routine. Then, suddenly, I found myself in constant worry. I was fearful of financial ruin. I was having constant concern of a family member’s failing health, and anxiety of the possible effects to a compromised immune system.

I found myself feeling safer in isolation. I went down a rabbit hole of unpredictability checking numbers, incessantly wiping down surfaces, washing hands, and applying for social services like food stamps after losing my job.

Back then, the numbers I was checking were not the daily percent of positive tests for an invisible illness in my community or the number of local hospitalizations.

The numbers were of the different blood cells my son had. The illness that he had was not invisible. In fact, it could be seen under a microscope in a regular blood sample because it appeared black. It was cancer. He was only 6 years old, and I was 26.

The whole world was not experiencing it with us at that time. Although some 300,000 families experience it annually, we still felt like the only ones.

The journey started in May of 2007. Seven years later, my son
was done with chemo and cancer free.

During those seven years he endured more spinal taps, bone marrow aspirations, blood transfusions, and needle pokes than I could ever count (or want to).

He also went through a relapse, six fractures to his spine, a blood clot, and a stroke.

The journey was tiring, scary, and forever life-changing.

What I didn’t expect in the years following his recovery was how useful all that I learned would become.

All the heartaches and lessons I learned during that time would become a road map for navigating a future health crisis: The COVID-19 pandemic.

A year ago, in March 2020, we all were plummeted into a whole new world. To me, however, the landscape looked familiar.

I discovered that I was equipped to navigate it. Through my experiences I had garnered some tools in dealing with uncertainty and crisis. I want to share the top 10 with you.

Find Joy- I found during those hard times that joy seemed to elude me. I was submerged in worry and sadness. It took a while for me to recognize that in the toughest of times you must work at finding joy.

When you look for beauty, you will find it, and once you do, beauty and joy will naturally find you.

Show Gratitude & Appreciation-They say nothing is a better teacher than experience, and I would add nothing makes a person wiser than proper perspective.

Finding gratitude was hard at fi rst, but suddenly I became grateful for the little things that became big things to me; little things like a smile or laugh from my sick son, his immune system being strong enough to visit friends, or the gourmet coffee shop at the hospital. The minute I started learning to appreciate and have gratitude for the little things everything changed.

Be Flexible- Life will take you down paths you never predicted or saw coming. The lesson learned is that control is an illusion and hanging on to habits that once made sense, but do not anymore, will only make change that much harder to adapt to. Be willing to learn new things. Adapt your schedule, and go with the flow.

Create Fun- This is so important. Get creative. When my son was unable to go to movie theaters, attend parties or restaurants, we, as a family, brought the fun to us.

My parents started creating movie nights for him and his brother, and expanded them into themed movie nights.

There are no rules that say you need a bunch of people to throw a party! You
can throw a party on an easy budget with just your immediate family.

Since the pandemic, we started this again. We have thrown over 20 theme nights at home with just us that include costumes, dinner, and a movie, all  around a central theme.

Nothing is Forever- The best of times will not last, which could be a depressing thought, until you realize that also means the worst of times will not last forever either.

Everything on earth is temporary. EVERYTHING. So, breathe in the good and be present for it, and breathe out the tough times.

Find Stillness and Nature- Find time to meditate, pray, or just count your breaths in and out every day.

Experts say that 20 minutes of meditation a day is optimal. But days can get away from you in a crisis, so if you can only close your eyes and count 10 breaths in and out, say a mantra 10 times, or say a quick prayer to your God, it is more than nothing at all.

Also, even five minutes of observing nature can do wonders. Going outside is preferable, but some days I would only be able to watch the swaying of the trees or clouds through a hospital window. But even that would lighten my spirit enough to bring me some peace.

Ask for and Accept Help if You Need it- Having too much pride can have a devastating consequence on your family and soul. If you need help, ask for it, and if it is off ered, take it. There is no shame in it.

Give Love and Help Others- Nothing will make you happier than helping someone else. There is no medicine as powerful as putting your woes aside and focusing on helping another person. Look around you and see how even in turmoil you still possess the ability to better the lives of those around you,  and then do it.

Find Balance- This is something everyone struggles with in their lives, even without a crisis. It is important. However, it is even more important amid a crisis.

You will not achieve that every day. The important part is not pressuring yourself into perfection of balance, only striving for it over the course of your journey.

If you try to focus on balance without judging yourself for not perfecting it, in the arch of time, you will find you achieved it.

Make Humor a Coping Tool- Of all the tools and lessons learned throughout my life’s journey nothing is more potent a healer than humor.

Don’t take life so seriously because life itself is constantly contradictory, indecisive, and unpredictable. It is a beautiful mess, and so are you. Learn to
laugh about it!

In the end you should accept right now that your life will not look exactly like you envisioned it.

Your life may never be the same after this pandemic. It’s ok and natural to struggle with it. Just know that struggle is how you will grow.

Remember this time of pandemic does not make up the sum of your life. But if you use it as a teacher and look at it with a wise perspective, you may see the time as one of the most valuable of your life. The beauty of it lies in the fact that you get to choose.

Destiny Haggett is an advocate for pediatric cancer research, former model, and public speaker. She currently runs a 962-seat live entertainment venue in Coconut Creek, Florida.

Simple but savvy moves for heart health

This month is all about hearts, love, and adding a little TLC to your everyday life. February is American Heart Month. This month is dedicated to driving awareness around heart disease, or cardiovascular disease (CVD). These are the leading causes of many health-related issues that can not only affect your ability to work, but impact your overall quality of life.

It’s important to know that some of the at-risk factors to heart health issues include poor diet, being overweight and lack of physical activity. To ensure that you’re on the right track to improve or maintain a healthier heart, show yourself a little more love by following some of these recommended adjustments for improving your diet by managing your portions and staying active.

Improve your diet

• Start the day with a low-fat breakfast. Try these simple ideas:

• In an electric blender, process 1⁄4 to 1⁄2 cup vitaminwater zero, 1 6 oz. carton Greek Style yogurt, and 1⁄2 cup fresh or frozen fruit to make a fruit smoothie.

• Spread toasted multi-grain waffle with 1 tablespoon peanut butter.

• Top oatmeal with chopped apple, raisins, or 1 tablespoon chopped walnuts.

• Eat every three to four hours or five to six times a day; this prevents you from becoming too hungry.

• Stay hydrated, drink plenty of water –eight to ten glasses a day will keep you hydrated. If you are looking for hydrating options in addition to water, try flavored varieties such as vitaminwater zero or sparkling water. Most importantly, remember that all beverages hydrate. Thirst is an indicator of dehydration and sometimes thirst is confused with hunger.

• Include more fiber in your diet such as whole grain breads and cereals, beans, legumes, and nuts. Higher fiber will aid in helping you feel full.

• Include more vegetables and fruits—these too will help fill you up, and not out.

Manage weight with right-size portions

It’s important to have a good relationship with food, so my mantra is “all foods and beverages can fit into a balanced diet in moderation.” Below are some guidelines to help you keep portion control in mind and some products that can help you do so.

• Choose 3-oz. portions of lean meat, fish, or poultry. This is a serving about the size of a deck of cards.

• For fruits and vegetables, consider a portion about the size of a baseball. If you enjoy avocado, go for one-half of a medium avocado.

• Servings for grains, beans, and legumes should compare to the size of an adult fist.

• Beverages also come in perfectly-portioned sizes. Coca-Cola has mini-cans available at about 7.5 ounces.

Keep it moving

Regular physical activity and exercise can have long term positive effects along with reducing the risk of developing cardiovascular disease. By getting your body moving, you can improve control of your weight, combat heart disease, increase your energy and mood, decrease stress, and improve your sex life.

Scheduling the time to exercise on your calendar will help make it part of your standard daily routine. If you cannot set aside a 30 to 45-minute block of time, do several 5-10-minute segments daily. The buddy system works well here—having a friend on board will help keep you both motivated and on task.

Take Away: Focus on heart health this month. Start to make life long changes to your lifestyle choices and show a little love to your heart and those you care about around you.

 

Ask Dr. Renae: In with the new and out with the old

This month’s Ask Dr. Renae column surveys local teens to provide a flavor of how they are welcoming the new year 2021. See for yourself how our future generation has fared and be inspired by their hopefulness.

Out with the old: I will wave goodbye to being practical. I’ve tried to get into the habit of living a more serendipitous lifestyle and I’ve since made very fond memories and have had experiences that I never would have had otherwise.

But don’t lose everything: I will keep my inventiveness and self-reliance. It’s very important to me to retain these characteristics and continue to blossom into the best version of myself.

In with the new: I will look forward to a new way of life with endless opportunities and a plethora of success.

Out with the old: I will wave goodbye to self-doubt whenever I’m hesitant about sharing my opinion in class or with new people. I also will wave goodbye to fear of rejection in all aspects of life. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be rejected. Some people may not think the same as you do and that’s okay.

But don’t lose everything: I will keep the few amazing high school memories with my best friends when I begin to enter a new chapter of my life and attend college. Those memories of jamming out to music in the car or staying out a little too late that I have to speed (not by much) home to make curfew will always make me smile.

In with the new: I will look forward to exciting new adventures that I will experience when I go to college next year and begin setting personal goals in academics, health, and hobbies.

 

Out with the old: As we approach the new year I want to reflect on my current year. I will be waving goodbye to my messy habits and unclean room.

But don’t lose everything: I will definitely be keeping close contact with all my friends and continue our zoom slumber parties.

In with the new: I am looking forward to finishing high school and starting the next phase of my life in college. 2020 was a rough year, but I will try my best to have a more positive 2021.

 

Out with the old: I will wave goodbye to fearing what others might think of me. Often, I try to be the most perfect person when trying to meet new people or even just around some of my close friends. This past year I learned that it’s important to own who you are and what makes you.

But don’t lose everything: I will keep hanging out with my family, my friends, and my dog, who is my entire world. COVID has really brought me closer with my brothers, since they are out of college and staying home for the meantime. I also have such a special place in my heart for my friends and my dog who I love very much.

In with the new: I will look forward to planning for the future. I am a junior in high school and am going to start looking into the college process soon. I have my heart set on going into the entertainment industry and can’t wait to get started. I am so hopeful for my future and can’t wait for the day that I am living in New York City!

 

Out with the old: I will wave goodbye to negative feelings that I have about myself.

But don’t lose everything: I will keep my friends and all of the happy memories I have with them.

In with the new: I look forward to all the amazing things I want to do with my life, especially going to college to get my degree in engineering and to make some more friends while I’m there.

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com

In the blink of an eye

I guess we are all getting older, but occasionally, there is a situation that reinforces the fact that you have become part of the older generation. That situation happened to me this past spring when I was lecturing at Auburn Veterinary School. I was part of a group of speakers talking to the veterinary students about life post-graduation. Speakers from around the country were mentoring young minds, eager to hear about their profession. There is nothing more rewarding.

While I was waiting to speak, I decided to walk around the veterinary school. It was cold outside, so I stayed inside and walked by a man and woman. When I walked by, I could hear them talking about me, and I heard the woman tell the man that she knew me but could not remember where.

I continued to walk around the building when I heard her loudly say down the hall, “she knew it,” and before I knew it, she was walking briskly to catch up to me. She tugged at my jacket and apologized, but she wanted to say hi to me.

She introduced herself as Paulette and said that I might not remember her, but her mother, who recently passed away, was a client, and I would remember Rocko the Rottweiler.

Dr. Glenn Kalick

Rocko the Rottweiler was one of a kind. The owner used to call the dog stupid because I performed four exploratory surgeries to remove foreign bodies from his intestines. A little biology lesson here: Rottweilers have large diameter intestines, so a foreign body would have to be large to obstruct Rocko. Interestingly, each of the four foreign body surgeries was for either the husband’s athletic socks or the knot on the end of a large rawhide dog bone. Rocko was one of a kind. He got into the fishing tackle box and got a fishing hook stuck in his tongue, and the one time he went to the beach, he got stung by a jellyfish. Thank god the owner had pet insurance.

Paulette introduced her husband, who also said he recognized me. He told me I probably would not recognize him, but he spent a day shadowing me for a school project when he was in high school. He told me that he was the kid who fainted when watching me in surgery.

I told him that it happened all the time, and he should not be embarrassed. He said that experience changed his career aspirations from wanting to be a human surgeon to pursuing his love for numbers, and now he is an accountant.

It was great to see Paulette and her husband, but it was strange that it happened at a veterinary school in Alabama.  I asked her if she was here because her pet was sick. She said she didn’t currently have a pet because she was too busy traveling. So, I had to ask her again, why is she there? My daughter is in Vet school at Auburn, and we are taking her out to dinner after the conference.

So, here is the circle of life. I took care of the grandmother’s dog, and I am lecturing to the granddaughter at veterinary school. Where did the time go? I ended up going to dinner with the happy family and hope to continue to mentor the young veterinary student throughout her career.