Tag: teens

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Ask Dr. Renae: Worried about the cost of the COVID school gap

Dear Dr. Renae,

I hear some teachers commenting on this school year being a lost year and all the students winding up a year behind. I am aware that I didn’t learn as much as I would have since online was not as good as in person for some subjects. I worry about being prepared for college entrance exams and college coursework. I am even more worried about my younger sister who is struggling to learn how to read. I notice how frustrated the teachers are as well. Many of my peers are upset about missing out on social activities but I am thinking about my future. Am I weird for worrying about my education?

Unprepared High School Junior

Dear Unprepared High School Junior,

It is completely normal to be worried about your education! Education is a major cornerstone in our lives, so I understand where you are coming from. It helps to remem-ber that every person in the world is facing the same issue that is happening to you, and so I believe people will be more mindful and understanding of the circumstances you have come from. You could not control the cards you were dealt, and educators know that. It is my belief that they will have to be accommodating to any issues that may arise from online education, if they would want to dutifully fulfill their jobs. Hopefully, I assuaged some of your fears, and I wish you the best of luck in your academic journey.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Unprepared High School Junior,

It’s completely understandable being concerned about your academics. Commendable, even. Whilst students have been heavily affected by this pandemic, it’s important to re-main optimistic. Junior year is a crucial time for prospective university students but with everything going on, universities might be lenient with requirements. Now is also a fantastic time to build your student resumé. If you haven’t already decided on a university, now is the perfect time to take a look and reach out to universities. This is the fun part! As far as preparation goes, there’s plenty of practice SAT samplequestions available online as well as books to read. It’s important to be studious but not too hard on yourself. Stay safe!

A Caring Friend

Dear Unprepared Junior,

You are not weird for worrying about your education at all. From reading your submission, I can tell you care about your education which is really important. Since I’m not in college just yet, I asked my 25-year-old sister for some advice I could give you. The best thing she told me was from her college experience, as long as you keep up your studying, work ethic and motivation, you will be fi ne. To tell you the truth, she told me that high school did not prepare her for college; college prepared her for college. Stressing right now over something you don’t know will happen will drive you crazy! It’s best to start good habits during online school that you can later use in college. I hope this helps!

Your Friend

Dear Unprepared Junior,

It is true that most students did not learn as much academic curriculum as they would have if school was in person as usual. The timing and speed at which learning takes place, however, is not indicative of future happiness and success. Many professionals took an unexpected alternative path and timeline in preparing for their career which helped better lead them toward  success. Struggling with the lifestyle changes required during the pandemic has given you an opportunity to learn much more than academics. Conquering boredom and anxiety, along with navigating a new daily structure has taught you flexibility, creativity, and perseverance. Those skills help you to be significantly prepared for college as well as your future. Take pride in the personal growth you have experienced in order to acquire more confidence in your ability to adapt to the future.

Dr. Renae

 

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida.

For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com

 

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CORAL SPRINGS COMMISSION

We remain optimistic that with the mass distribution of the COVID 19 vaccines, the end of this unprecedented pandemic is in sight.City  staff continue to work with the Florida Department of Health and Florida Department of Emergency Management to ensure COVID-19 testing remains readily available for residents, which is crucial to preventing the spread of the virus. Perhaps most importantly, providing access to COVID-19 vaccination sites remains one of  greatest priorities. Sign up for our text message option to receive real-time information about vaccination sites by texting the keyword CORALSPRINGS (one word) to 888-777.

February is Black History Month, and we are proud to celebrate the achievements and contributions of Black Americans in our city. We look forward to highlighting local black leaders in our city nominated by our community. For more details visit www.coralsprings.org/bhm.

This month and every day since February 14, 2018, we continue to remember and honor the 17 students and staff who died at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. We also remember all of those who  were injured and forever touched by the violence experienced that day.

Three years does not ease the heartache resulting from such loss  we will never forget and continue to provide meaningful ways to commemorate and honor the memories of: Alyssa Alhadeff, Scott Beigel, Martin Duque, Nicholas Dworet, Aaron Feis, Jaime Guttenberg, Christopher Hixon, Luke Hoyer, Cara Loughran, Gina Montalto, Joaquin Oliver, Alaina Petty, Meadow Pollack, Helena Ramsay, Alex Schachter, Carmen Schentrup, and Peter Wang.

For residents and community members who continue to struggle with mental health, especially in the wake of such loss, there are many resources available. Please call 2-1-1 for suicide intervention, those at risk can also text “FL” to 741-741 to immediately speak with a counselor. For additional information – we offer resources on our website at coralsprings.org/mentalhealth.

Since that tragic day, our city remains committed to ensuring the safety of our students and faculty. Our Police Department has demonstrated their commitment to ensuring school safety by implementing new technology connected directly into our Real Time Crime Center (RTCC). Using advanced software, security systems are integrated directly into the RTCC, improving response times and saving critical seconds during emergency situations – when time matters the most.

On February 19, residents will be able to celebrate all the reasons we love to call Coral Springs home at our Virtual State of the City.

For more details about this event, please visit https://www.coralsprings.org/living/events

We encourage you to remain vigilant to prevent the spread of COVID-19, continue to wear a facial covering, remain socially distanced, and follow good personal hygiene.

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Ask Dr. Renae: Making virtual friends

Dear Dr. Renae,

I had been looking forward to beginning high school since the beginning of middle school so I could join clubs and try out for sports teams to make friends. I had to separate from my middle school friends since they were not into academics, but getting into trouble and getting high all the time. I have been waiting so long to make new friends and now it seems so difficult remotely. I am shy and do not feel confident with the way I look, especially
online. How can I make friends virtually when it feels awkward to make the first step to reach out to someone?

Shy 9th Grader

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

A huge positive in meeting people remotely is that it gives you a chance to be more authentic and versatile. You can be yourself and broadcast that person. Realistically, there are many in the same space you’re in, looking for friends but not knowing where to start. It can be difficult having a rewarding experience if you aren’t gregarious. The wonderful thing about entering high school, especially in this time period, is that everything is so brand new. Perhaps start small. Make a post about the clubs you want to join or start. If you’re active on social media, see if there’s a “class” page. It usually conveys events that each class can partake in, remotely or in person. I imagine it would look rather different this year but exciting, nonetheless. The key to success is confidence. Sports is also a great bonding topic. I’m sure you’ll make friends in no time. Hope this helps.

Your Friend

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

I understand the difficulties and initial fear of making friends, for I have been in your position as well. The easiest way I was able to make friends is by finding a common interest. For example, if you like to play video games or are interested in a particular show or book, it is easy to find people on the internet who are interested in the same things as you. It may be daunting to make the first move, but easy conversation starters can include “Hi I saw you like (insert show/book/video game/etc.), who is your favorite character?” or “Hi I recently got into (insert show/book/video game/etc.) can you help me find more content from them?” An added bonus of the internet is anonymity, so if you feel uncomfortable you do not need to disclose personal information about yourself until you feel comfortable with the person. Of course, please be cautious on the internet by not exposing where you live or other personal information. Trusting your instincts, you can make great virtual friends. Try finding a club at school and talking with the club members about common interests and how to get involved with the club. I wish you good luck on your endeavors.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

Making friends is difficult, however, the new obstacle of online learning should not discourage you. I would suggest looking into the clubs at your school and attending one of their virtual meetings. From there, you will find people who have attended the meetings and you can then begin to follow them on Instagram. If they’re new like you, you should have a nice starting off point on what you can talk about. Send them a direct message and say how you’re new to the school and how they seem like a nice person and you wanted to get to know them. If they’re a considerate person they will message you back and you’ll be on your way to a new friend! If they don’t message you back, just move on to someone else. It’s all about having enough confidence to get past the first steps. Good luck and I hope you find some great people!

High School Senior

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

I totally feel for you. I remember how excited I was to make new friends in high school and start fresh. The pandemic has caused such a big obstacle when it comes to human contact, but it’s not impossible to make new friends. In my high school, clubs are still meeting virtually which is a nice way you can connect with new people, especially if it’s a club you have a deep interest in. It really comes down to looking at the clubs that your school provides and picking one you really enjoy. It’s also important to keep in mind that all 9th graders are in the same boat as you are and the chances that they’re feeling the same way as you are pretty high. So, don’t psych yourself out too much about approaching people because they most likely also want to make new friends and don’t know how. Wishing you the best of luck.

A High School Senior

Dear Shy 9th Grader,

I want to commend you for having the strength and foresight to separate from your old Middle School friends before making new friends. That takes a lot of courage and confidence! In addition, looking forward to making new friends puts you in a positive place of hopefulness. Courage, confidence and hopefulness is a great formula to begin your journey of finding new friends. You already have the ability and insight to be selective of friends who share your values. Identifying friends who share your passions and interests will follow naturally as you explore clubs at school. Perspective new friends will appreciate you making the first contact as they too might feel shy. You will be part of the first wave of teens to make treasured new friends while social distancing, so you can consider yourself a pioneer.

Dr. Renae

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a
question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website:
https://askdrrenae.com

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Ask Dr. Renae: Speaking up as a true friend

Dear Dr. Renae,

I just found out that my good friend is drinking alcohol every night to relax
and to fall asleep. I saw the bottle in her room during our FaceTime chat and she laughed it off as no big deal. I know it is normal in her home since her parents have a nightly cocktail hour. We all learn the dangers of alcohol abuse in school every year, but when it feels normal at home, how can I get her to see that this is a problem? Is it?

Worried High School Junior

 

Hello Worried HS Junior,

This is a very important issue and I am glad you came seeking help. I feel the best thing you can do is to talk directly to her about why you believe this lifestyle is destructive. While it may be normalized in her household, having to drink alcohol to go to sleep is an unhealthy practice that is most likely due to another problem in your friend’s life. If you can find what the source of her anxiety is, you can recommend healthy coping options. Remember, the best thing you can do is be there and voice your concern. Hopefully, she will understand how much you care for her and begin taking steps to stop.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Worried High School Junior,

While underage drinking is a worrisome subject, if your friend is engaging in alcohol consumption, it’s probably to help cope with stress. Many teenagers get stressed during the start of a new term and especially considering the current global climate, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Using alcohol as a crutch can became dangerous very fast and lead to unforeseen consequences. If her parents are drinking as well, it’s very easy to follow suit, but there are discrepancies between the two. It’s best to tread lightly and look for signs of alcohol dependency. If stress is the main factor in her drinking, perhaps you can try talking to her about how to relax responsibly and safely.

Your Friend

Dear Worried High School Junior,

I would definitely bring it up to your friend and let her know you are not judging, you just care about her health and safety. I would suggest having a conversation to show you are there for her. You can suggest that if she has trouble falling asleep, she can talk to her mom and they can talk to a doctor who can recommend something, instead of harming herself with alcohol every night.

A Caring Friend

Dear Worried High School Junior,

Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol daily, especially at our age, is wrong. I’m sure you know the negative things that  come with it, but your friend does not. My advice is that you shouldn’t lecture her, but instead, have a conversation about why she feels the need to drink every night. Help her tackle the root of the issue and try to get her some alternatives to alcohol, if you can. Be patient, change doesn’t happen overnight. Good luck to you and your friend.

High School Senior

Dear Worried High School Junior,

In addition to teens, adults are also worried about close family members or friends who abuse alcohol. In many families, as well as some cultures, alcohol use is normalized. Despite clearly knowing the numerous dangers, it is easy to go from use to abuse. It sounds like your friend stumbled upon the use of alcohol to fall asleep and continues this nightly routine since it works.

Exploring alternative sleep-inducing strategies is hard work and your friend might not be looking to change her plan. Reminding her of the dangers will not likely be successful, since she already knows about them. Continuing to let your friend know that you care about her very much and are very concerned, while continuing to offer alternative options in a non-judgmental way, might draw your friend away from you. Despite that risk, you cannot remain silent about your genuine worry if you wish to be a true friend and true to yourself.

More importantly, you will need to find ways to take care of yourself so the stress of worrying for your friend does not disturb your ability to maintain calm and peaceful within yourself. That is a difficult life requirement!

Dr. Renae

 

TEENS:  Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40
years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: www.askdrrenae.com

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Ask Dr. Renae: The “Friend Code”

Dear Dr. Renae,

I recently reconnected with an old friend from middle school and we have been talking a lot virtually. I really like him as more than a friend and I think he feels the same way. The problem is that he is my good friend’s ex-boyfriend. They were together for all of the eighth grade and didn’t remain friends when they broke up. I would often be caught in the middle of their problems as they both came to me for advice. Their relationship ended three years ago and we have all moved on, I think. Is it okay for me to date a good friend’s ex? Is there a “girl code” like my mother has described from when she was my age?

Confused 17-year-old

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

Essentially, yes. “Girl code” could be used for this scenario. Regardless of the time, this boy was once your friend’s boyfriend, so going out with him yourself could damage the friendship, as well as place guilt on yourself. If you really like this guy, and your friendship can withstand it, then go for it. Perhaps, try explaining to your friend that you reciprocate feelings for her ex-boyfriend and see what happens. Make sure it’s clear this wasn’t intentional or malicious. It is helpful in these situations to know that some things are circumstantial and not personal at all.

Your Friend

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

Your current situation should be handled carefully. I suggest talking to your friend and asking her if she has completely moved on and how she would feel if you and her ex got together. If she is fine with it, then go for it. However, if she has any concerns, or if she is not ok with it, then do not pursue her ex. Friendships are more valuable than romantic relationships, so make sure you do not ruin your relationship with either of them.

A High School Senior

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

I am happy you were able to reconnect with someone during the quarantine. I believe it is completely fine for you to date this person because he and your friend dated when they were much younger and very inexperienced with life. Now that all of you have grown up and most likely learned from your mistakes, it will lead to a stronger relationship .If everyone involved has moved on, it is completely fine to date this boy. If you have doubts, you can always ask your good friend about this issue. I hope this helps.

Your Fellow Teen

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

“Girl code” can vary from person to person and what they see as “right.” I suggest that you talk to your friend before you start to date her ex-boyfriend. For a lot of people, it hurts more if they weren’t told something ahead of time. Talking with your friend will ensure she is okay and knows what’s going on. This way, if she does understand and you do start dating, you won’t lose your friendship.

A Caring Friend

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

The change in maturity from eighth grade to nearly the end of high school is incomparable to any. The amount one person grows during this time is unlike any other, so I’m sure your friend would not mind if you pursued a relationship with an ex she had in middle school. Most people in high school realize that their relationships in middle school were not meant to last. As your close friend, I am certain that she wants to see you happy, so any reservations she may have about the situation may be put to the side. However, I doubt she will have reservations as a relationship in middle school does not hold much relevance in her current day to day life. My one big piece of advice is to be sure to inform your friend of your actions, and what you plan to do next. If you go about this in a secretive manner, then it may become an issue because she will feel you are going around her. However, if you are open and honest about your feelings, I’m sure it will all work out!

A Romantic

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

It reveals a lot about your character that you are concerned about your friend’s feelings. A true friend will be open to hearing your concern and considering it sincerely so they can be honest about their feelings. You might already know your friend well enough to know how she would feel about your dating her middle school ex-boyfriend, and whether she will honestly share with you if it disturbs her. Despite not being fully grown, young teens have the capability of developing strong feelings in relationships which, while different, are just as intense as mature love. In discussing this, consider how your friend would feel if the relationship became serious enough to include all of you spending time together. Don’t forget to think about how you might feel if they become good friends again and the role was reversed with him going to her for relationship advice. How you might feel about yourself regarding dating this guy is just as important as how your friend might feel. A soul-searching conversation with yourself will help you assess the possible outcomes.

Dr. Renae

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice inBoca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website: https://askdrrenae.com

 

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