Most are aware that the internet has been used to steal credit card numbers, to fraudulently order from Amazon, to try to sell your house. Perhaps the worst scams happen on dating sites.
Someone tried to buy World Cup tickets on my son’s card. Another used my Social Security number at CarMax (the salesman said he didn’t look like a Giorgina). Had these transactions succeeded, we’d have blamed “those crooks.” But dating scams are especially heinous because the victims believe they deserve it.
Jill noticed her neighbor Helen outside weeping: “I’m a fool. Can’t believe what I did. But I’m going on TV, telling my story. Maybe I’ll save another woman.”
Helen lives in Parkland. She did go on TV and tell her story. She’s 70, average-looking, overweight.
Helen showed Jill a photo of a handsome man, the man she met online who fell immediately in love with her. He didn’t care that she was older, or plain. He “saw her heart” and wrote beautiful messages: He’d been waiting to find a woman like her. He was picturing their wonderful future together.
She bought it. He said he had a business in Africa but was looking forward to coming home. He would fly in for Christmas. Helen told her family. More than one family member warned her to be careful.
Just before Christmas, he sent her an email: “Sorry. Had an auto accident. Car was totaled. In hospital with serious but non-life-threatening injuries.” He posted photos of the demolished car. How could she be angry?
The next email: He was embarrassed but must ask, “Could you send money?” Business was excellent, but he couldn’t be there and the invoices were coming in. So she sent $10,000.
After three weeks he was “out of the hospital” and coming home. He proposed marriage but wanted a fresh start, meaning not living in “her” home. An agent in Orlando found the perfect house. He sent pictures; it was $480,000. He would send half immediately.
It was a great deal! Could she send the rest? He’d be back in six weeks; the house would be ready for them. Helen sold her home and sent the money.
That was the last she ever heard from him. No home. No agent. No handsome man. She’d never even met him.
I met Sheila in Tamarac. She met “her guy” online, incarcerated but innocent, awaiting a new trial. She flew to New Jersey. Edward called her “my angel” and wove stories of what they’d do when he got out. If he only had the money for a good lawyer. “I had a public defender who didn’t remember if I were Edward R. or Eddie from Panama,” he told her.
Sheila’s profile noted that she’d won $50,000 on a game show. She financed a new trial, but she has no idea if he won. Once the check cleared, he never spoke to her again.
Both these women share not just the loss of money, but a terrible sense of shame. Sheila never reported what happened. Helen tried to trace the man but couldn’t. Everything he’d told her was fictitious.
I don’t belong to a dating site, but I posted a profile and get occasional notices. I received a “smile” from David of Cheyenne, Wyoming. I’d been to Cheyenne; every guy looks like an ad for “The Roundup,” with boots, Stetsons, and big-buckled belts. I wrote back: “New Yorker, not looking for Dick Cheney (from Cheyenne).”
David responded, “Where do I begin, nothing special about me, grew up everywhere, father served in the army. Lived overseas and in four different states. Moved to Cheyenne when my mother became ill. I’m new at this dating thing. Professionally, I have a goldmine. It’s flourished.”
He continued, “My wife died of lung cancer. I have a daughter born deaf. She’s the apple of my eye. My phone number is ______. Please call.”
I knew that area code. It’s not Wyoming. So I did something I’d never done — I Googled the phone number. I saw this:
“Terry” responded on a dating site. He’d lived all over the world, because of his father. Wife died of lung cancer. Daughter, born deaf. Owned a gold mining business in Dubai. Then he hit the “jackpot” gold, worth $2 million. They mined diamonds and found 6 million dollars worth. He had to stay in Dubai to get the gold melted, before it would be shipped to USA. But, suddenly he didn’t have money to pay the Dubai government a fee to ship the products out of Dubai. That’s when “Terry” asked for $10,700. I didn’t have it. Then, he said he’d sold some things, but still needed $5,900. He’d pay me back. He loved me and would be with me, forever. I sent the money, in Amazon cards. He’d said all the right things. I believed him. Texted daily until the money was sent. I’ve never done such a stupid thing. I want this guy punished and get my money back.
I blocked “Terry”/“David” — I couldn’t believe he used the same phone number.
Recently, I received this email from “Ted”:
I so happy to read from you and to know we both looking for same thing. Where do I start? it disturbing to see people appreciate love, but we have to go extra mile to get my heart seeks a beautiful angel. Ted from Virginia but in Nigeria. I own my construction company. oil platforms. I am in states in 2 weeks. I can add to your beauty (lol). I’m hanging the hat this year. I got success but am nothing without a partner. She’d stand by me no matter. A witch who protects like lioness her cub (lol) who tells honey, you can do it. I worked hard to get this height. Here to pick my woman to make happy, my co-pilot, (lol). saw your face, made my heart pause, love at first sight? (lol). as if forces guiding you to someone make you happy beyond wildest dreams. I hope direct communication via email.
Lucky me. Another billionaire had found me. A business owner, with a business in Africa, and he loves me! He just took one look at my face and fell in love.
I answered, “‘So happy to read from you.’ You are not a native English speaker. I will not send ONE DOLLAR. Do not waste your time.”
Ted responded, “Thank you.”
And then later I got this message: “Bill W. is perpetrating frauds on this site. We wanted to give you a heads up.”
Two of my friends are happily married to men they met online. It’s possible to meet a nice guy online, but some common sense is needed. Be very wary of anyone who is not writing cohesive sentences. Be wary of anyone doing business in Africa, especially in oil, gold, or diamonds.
The biggest red flag: They instantly love you. You’re “the one.” They haven’t met you, but they want to build a life with you.
I once left a restaurant when a man told me that he couldn’t wait for us to start our life together. I hadn’t met him online, but this was our first date.
As in any other endeavor: Be cautious. And never send money.