Category: Health & Wellness

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No Limits for Parkland Native with Autism

Haley Moss would be the first to tell you she’s unique. The Parkland native, now 24, was diagnosed with autism when she was 3.

Moss would also point out that being different isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

When she was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, her parents were told that raising a child with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) has many daily challenges. They were warned she might never live on her own or even develop the ability to work a minimum-wage job.

Moss has not let that diagnosis, or her disorder, limit her. The Pine Crest School alum, who resembles a petite Natalie Portman with bangs, has written multiple books, including A Freshman Survival Guide for College Students with Autism Spectrum Disorders: The Stuff Nobody Tells You About. She also recently earned a law degree from the University of Miami and, in January, became the first openly autistic person admitted to the Florida Bar.

An active advocate for those with ASD, Moss told the South Florida Sun Sentinel in February that her passion for helping others was one of the reasons she became a lawyer.

“A disability generally is not all-encompassing, it is just part of who someone is, not everything they are,” Moss told the newspaper. “Everyone is unique, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and everyone has talent.”

Honored as one of South Florida’s Young Leaders in Philanthropy, Moss also is a recipient of the Council for Exceptional Children’s Yes, I Can! International Award. At February’s Unicorn Children’s Foundation’s Unicorn Ball, held at the Polo Club of Boca Raton, Moss received the Occhigrossi Family Youth in Service Award, which recognizes young people who advocate for those with special needs.

Already a seasoned writer and champion for people with autism, Moss has since launched her career in the legal profession, according to the Sun Sentinel. Offered a job even before graduating, Moss now works for the law firm Zumpano Patricios, based in Coral Gables. For information on ASD, visit the National Institutes of Mental Health website at NIMH.gov.

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It’s Not Easy Being Green

Kermit the Frog had a different “green” in mind when he sang the blues about the perils of his amphibian color on Sesame Street. But for many of us, “being Green” in an altogether different way isn’t all that easy either.

These days, what exactly does “Green” mean?

Basically, it means leading more environmentally friendly and ecologically responsible lives, so we protect natural resources, ourselves and the planet. I’m sure by now, most of us have seen, heard, or read about the many ways this can be accomplished: by recycling, using solar energy, electric or hybrid cars, picking up trash, collecting plastics in our waterways, using alternate energy sources instead of fossil fuels, etc.

The long list of “easy” fixes quickly becomes not-so-easy when it comes to details. For example, in building and development, there is a system called LEED, which stands for Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design. It’s the most widely used green-building rating system in the world. It’s also used for virtually all building projects, whether commercial, community, or home.

But is it worth it? And does it really work, or matter? As I have found out, most things in life have no clear-cut, black-and-white, yes-or-no answers, and that is true here as well. To get a building or project LEED-certified, there are courses to study, exams to take and proposals to be shown and accepted. If all of that is completed, a building or project will receive a plaque stating it is LEED-certified. The buildings must show certain levels of efficiency in resource usage such as water and electric, and none of this is cheap. The initial cost is $600 just to register and certification fees can range from $2,250 to $22,500 based on the project size. On top of that, complying with all the requirements necessary can add millions of dollars and hours of paperwork to the projects. On the plus side, LEED certification can mean tax breaks, grants, and the ability to charge higher rents.

Being LEED-certified sounds great on paper, but the bottom line is this: as in many things, reality doesn’t always live up to theory’s expectations. While some LEED buildings have shown lower resource usage rates, others have shown rate increases. LEED certification, after all, is based on proposals of anticipated resource use and not actual usage once a building project is completed. Therefore, is it worth it to have your building or project LEED-certified? A definitive answer remains elusive.

As another, more familiar example: Do hybrid cars produce lower emissions than gas-only vehicles? Obviously. Do they get better gas mileage? Sometimes. But it’s not always a significant difference when compared to the price differential of similar models. Total electric cars use no fossil fuels and produce no emissions, which are great assets. However, since there are not enough of them on the road, there isn’t an accurate way to determine the difference in electric consumption a nation of them might make. The same can be said of solar panels. As for recyclables, there is absolutely no argument of any sort that doing this is a bad thing.

Cleaning up our oceans, lakes, and waterways, plus keeping our landfills limited to those items that decompose and can/will/might be used to produce products that will go back into our soil is great. But what portion of these post-consumer materials will be reused in manufacturing? Again, theory is rosier than reality in answering this question. We have been recycling so much and have shipped so much of it to foreign countries, China being the main importer, that we now find ourselves without places to send these materials. China has stopped importing “foreign garbage,” which includes many types of plastics and paper. We also have run out of recycling plants and are now depositing what is and might be recyclable back in landfills. Recycling, however smart and necessary, remains shot through with problems, beginning with the fact that a lot of us don’t understand whether what we throw in the recycling bin is really recyclable.

So where are we in this quagmire? Does “being green” mean there’s reason for hope and change? Or is it all hopey-changey bunk? What you decide depends on your environmental outlook and what you want and expect of and for future generations. It also depends on your pocketbook. The difference in cost between hybrid cars and their gaseous counterparts can take years of driving to recoup, let alone seem significant. The same with LEED-certified buildings, electric cars and solar panels. No, being Green isn’t easy. But here’s my take in black and white: any steps forward in making this planet more sustainable, keeping our precious natural resources for generations to come, is worth whatever it takes.

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Autism: By the Numbers

When the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) began tracking the prevalence of autism in American children, comprehensive data from 2000 and 2002 showed 1 in 150 kids were found to have autism. By last year, when the CDC released results from its most recent findings, autism rates had again jumped. Of the 8-year-olds from the study’s broad-based regional survey areas, 1 in 59 had been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

In real numbers, here’s what that means: CDC tracking suggests that in 2000, roughly 26,700 kids across the U.S. were found to have ASD; the most recent data indicates that number grew to 72,375.

Autism rates, which increased steadily from 2000 to 2010, according to a 2018 report from Johns Hopkins University’s Bloomberg School of Public Health, had held steady, at 1 in 68, in the two sets of findings from 2010 to 2012.

Researchers and CDC officials pointed to myriad factors that appear to have a role in the increase in autism rates. One big takeaway from recent findings is the increase in autism prevalence among white children as compared to black children in previous reports.

“Although we continue to see disparities among racial and ethnic groups, the gap is closing,” Li-Ching Lee, a psychiatric epidemiologist at the Bloomberg School and one of the CDC survey’s principal investigators.

Lee and other experts say a primary factor in these increases and in the growing rate of ASD prevalence is that children are getting diagnosed at younger ages, often as early as 2 to 3 years old.

Autism, which appears as early as infancy, is a range of closely related disorders that share some core symptoms. ASD causes delays in basic developmental areas, such as learning to talk, play, and interact with others. Signs and symptoms of autism vary widely, just as some children with ASD suffer only mild impairment, while others may struggle with debilitating physical and cognitive challenges.

According to the CDC, children on the autism spectrum may vary in the severity of their impairment, but all struggle to some degree in three areas: verbal and non-verbal communication; relating to others and engaging in the world; and having flexibility in their thinking and behavior.

Opinions differ among doctors, parents and experts about autism’s causes — and about how to best treat it. But all agree, and research reinforces, that acting early and seeking intensive intervention for children showing early signs of autism is the best path toward the best outcomes. For more info, visit www.CDC.gov/ActEarly

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The Vaping Issue

Since the introduction of e-cigarettes in 2004, their popularity has grown exponentially, especially among teenagers and young adults.

Initially, e-cigarettes were used as a form of smoking cessation therapy. Though they contain nicotine, they do not have the tar and toxic gasses that are associated with combustible cigarettes. E-cigarettes were an innovative way to get people to quit smoking, and they’re easily accessible. But this accessibility introduced young people to e-cigarette use.

For many young people, vaping is an introduction to nicotine and may be a gateway to traditional cigarettes.

Vaping has become rampant and, for experts, the trend is disturbing. The 2018 National Youth Tobacco Survey showed staggering increases in middle and high school students using e-cigarettes and other electronic nicotine delivery systems (ENDS). From 2017 to 2018, there was a 78 percent increase in e-cigarette use among high school students and a 48 percent increase among middle school students, reversing the strides made in recent decades in the fight against youth nicotine addiction.

Since vaping is a relatively new technology, there are still questions about the e-cigarette liquid and its long-term effects. We know nicotine harms the developing brain but have little understanding of the potentially damaging ultrafine particles and heavy metals that also are found in e-cigarettes.

With its increase in popularity, there have been multiple regulations in an effort to curb and eventually eradicate vaping in teens and young adults.

In 2014, a law was passed that bans people under age 18 from purchasing and possessing e-cigarettes and other nicotine-dispensing devices, but that did not solve the youth vaping problem.

More recently, a ban on indoor vaping was passed in November. This amendment makes the use of e-cigarettes and other nicotine-dispensing products allowed only in homes, bars, and hotels that permit it, thus treating vaping like cigarette smoking. However, this ban does not address the youth vaping crisis.

The Federal Drug Administration has been tireless in its attempt to keep e-cigarettes and other ENDS out of the hands of young people. A major component of its plan is to curb the marketing of tobacco products aimed at youth. Many purveyors of e-cigarettes and other ENDS have designed marketing campaigns to appeal to teens and young adults. Bright ads and flavored products are created for and aimed at young people to get them addicted to nicotine.

In compliance with the FDA crackdown, Juul, one of the leading manufacturers of e-cigarettes, announced in 2018 that the company will no longer sell its flavored products in retail stores. These products are now only available on Juul’s website to buyers who are over 21. One puff of a Juul has the equivalent amount of nicotine of one pack of cigarettes.

The FDA released its Comprehensive Plan for Tobacco and Nicotine Regulation in 2017 and held a public hearing on Jan. 19 to discuss efforts to eliminate the use of e-cigarettes and other tobacco products by young people. The FDA proposes a nicotine product standard that would lower the nicotine in cigarettes to a minimally addictive or non-addictive level. This could decrease the chances of future generations becoming addicted to cigarettes and could make it easier for current smokers and vapers to quit. The FDA is also looking into regulating flavors in e-cigarette and tobacco products, including menthol. FDA commissioner Scott Gottlieb has vowed to take whatever action is necessary to stop the harmful trends associated with vaping.

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Parkland Speaks: Collecting Lonely Thoughts

Writing, at its best, is a lonely life.

Ernest Hemingway, in describing work that won him a Nobel prize in 1954, knew this sentence seemed contradictory — “alone” is not how we usually describe life’s transcendent moments.

Parkland Speaks: Survivors from Marjory Stoneman Douglas Share Their Stories (Random House Children’s Books, paperback, $17) is one of those rare books that reveals how the solitude required of writing can elicit heartrending reflections and devastating truths.

Anna Bayuk, one of the collection’s 43 contributors, was a junior at Douglas on Feb. 14, 2018, when a shooter attacked the school, leaving 17 dead and as many injured. That afternoon, she found herself bunkered in a classroom, clenching the hand of a classmate she “only half knew,” listening to gunshots in the distance, hearing footsteps in the hallway.

“you are staying quiet, no, quieter, no, silent

you are staying silent.

for a moment, i was not silent.

there was a plastic walmart bag full of valentines from

     and for the people that i care about on my lap.

and when i shifted it off to the side so that i could move

     my legs even an inch

it was the loudest thing i had ever heard …”

Passages like this, breathtaking in their imagery and revelation, don’t happen in front of local TV cameras and newspaper reporters. They come when you’re alone with your thoughts; and that mulling — that essaying — can crystallize with the solitude writing requires.

Each piece in Parkland Speaks, whether recollection, photo, sketch, speech, or scratch poem, comes from a Douglas student or teacher. The collection’s editor, Sarah Lerner, teaches journalism at the high school and serves yearbook advisor. Those two roles overlap here in a nexus through which the collection is focused and shaped, but only expansively directed. And the result is by turns gut-wrenching, depressing, ponderous, hopeful, and joyous — sparkling with such a range of thoughts, images, and emotions, it can be exhausting.

Much the way the teens here, and everywhere, normally are. Even as not-normal as these young people now feel.

Both with intention and inadvertently, the young writers of Parkland Speaks reveal their falls from innocence. Each, like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole, bruised, dusty, and dazed but able to stand up, take stock, and take tentative steps forward.

Rebecca Schneid, now a senior at Douglas, reflects in the aftermath of 2/14 on the bewilderment of being chased into adulthood — first by the shooter, then by the media and politicians, then by the world of anonymous jeerers and gawkers known to every victim of adolescence.

In “A Zoo Animal,” a free-form piece in the style of a spoken-word jam, Schneid says, “I don’t even know myself.”

Sometimes I think that I am fine,

that I’ve lost some of that sheer pain and wrath;

that I’m on a path

toward healing and success,

toward not moving on really, but growing

from the distress …

She is not fine, of course — who would be? And that’s the point: given the circumstances, feeling so not-normal is, well, normal.

Definitely, it’s the new normal at Douglas High.

That new normal, even a year later, is still in flux.

The final pages of Parkland Speaks serve as proof. In “Meet the Contributors,” everyone has moved on. Some still attend Douglas High, now upperclassmen; others have gone off to college. Each’s trajectory toward whatever their futures hold remains on path despite what they went through.

But the way of those paths has been hosed down and is still wet with their experiences and takeaways from Valentine’s Day 2018. The footing is slippery as they try to navigate between who they were before that day and who they are now.

But make no mistake — forward is where they’re going. Whether as community organizers or organizers for Dance Marathon, as varsity water polo players or budding civil engineers and pediatricians, as yearbook editors or ebook authors.

Parkland Speaks isn’t about reliving the past. It’s proof of life in the now. A testament to resilience and hope — the very essence of MSDStrong.

teeberg is the Parklander’s contributing editor.

Cutline: Artist Madalyn Snyder, one of the contributors for Parkland Speaks, wrote about her experiences on Feb. 14, 2018, for the collection. A junior at the time, Snyder was cutting out paper hearts and goofing off with her buddy Guac on Valentine’s Day, as the pair waited for class to end. Minutes later, they heard gunfire and Snyder said her own heart sank. In the chaos of evacuating, she and her classmates came face-to-face with the shooter and Snyder was saved only when her teacher pulled her to safety. The teacher, Stacey Lippel, another of the book’s contributors, was injured in the incident when a bullet grazed her arm. Snyder’s friend and classmate, Joaquin “Guac” Oliver, was later named among the 17 victims who died in the shooting. (Illustration by Madalyn Snyder, courtesy Random House Children’s Books.)

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It’s Ladies Night Out at Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation

Last May, Parkland resident Janet McMahan chaired a Ladies Night Out to raise funds for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF), and she has been dancing to that beat ever since.

McMahan was introduced to type 1 diabetes eight years ago, when her son was diagnosed and eagerly got involved with the organization.

JDRF, which is headquartered in New York and has chapters throughout the U.S., as well as abroad, funds research and strives to help find ways to prevent, manage, and one day cure diabetes.

For McMahon and JDRF’s South Florida Chapter, based in Fort Lauderdale, the inaugural Ladies Night Out was a hit.

“We raised $22,000, which was more than I hoped,” McMahan, who has volunteered with the group for almost a decade, said.

The local chapter’s second annual Ladies Night Out is set for April 25, from 6 to 9 p.m., at Parkland Golf and Country Club. This year’s event will have food and drink, a DJ, and a silent auction that will feature more premium items. Tickets are $39 and all ladies of all ages are welcome.

“It is really important for young moms to attend because of the information we can make available to them about the warning signs,” McMahan said. “Unfortunately, a lot of kids do not get diagnosed early enough.”

You likely know someone who has been affected by diabetes, which can be diagnosed in people at any age. The condition leaves the body producing little to no of the hormone insulin, which it needs to process the sugar and fat from food. When insulin becomes too high, the consequences can be dangerous, even fatal, for sufferers when their blood sugar levels get too low or too high.

“You are always trying to find that balance, and there are factors that affect it, like stress hormones, and sometimes you do not know,” she said, “so it is a constant battle and there is never a minute off.”

Having a support network can make a difference. Families stay busy with JDRF events throughout the year. Every chapter has a JDRF charity walk in the spring, McMahan said, and then there is a gala in May. “I believe strongly in this particular organization,” McMahan said. “It is important to stay educated and involved so new developments can continue to benefit members of our community.”

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Change Starts With Us

One year ago, lives were changed forever. It was the day innocent lives were taken at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, for reasons which are still hard to understand. February 14 now has a different meaning to many people. A day always known for representing love is now associated with one of our nation’s worst tragedies.

Since then, a number of students transferred to different schools; others stayed. Some graduated; others went to Washington, D.C. and made historic moves. Several can be seen all over social media and even on our televisions. We thank each and every one of you because all of you represent change.

Change must start somewhere and it started at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. School safety has been the main priority here in Parkland; the name of a city people will never forget. Individuals from all over have come to help physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

Money has been raised to assist those who have been affected. Fresh meals have been dropped off to those who could use a helping hand. Stores and restaurants raised money for those who couldn’t fathom going back to work after the tragedy. Bumper stickers saying “MSD Strong” can still be seen on people’s cars. 

A sense of community exists like never before. Acquaintances became friends; friends became family. When regular things like working, cooking, taking care of the house, etc. felt impossible, others came in to help. Thank you to everyone who made a gesture, big or small, because it undoubtedly made a difference in someone’s life.

For many, it is still a daily struggle to cope. Talking to a professional has helped countless individuals, some professionals even volunteering their services at no cost. Talking to those who were there during that time and who also experienced the trauma could be more of a fit for you, especially since they personally understand the lasting effects it can have on a person. You know yourself better than anyone else, so do what works best for you.

Self-care is also important. Trust how you are feeling and remember to go at a pace that you feel comfortable with. Try to rest mentally and physically, and taking time for yourself is never a negative thing. Grief, fear, anxiety, lack of sleep, sometimes even anger, will linger for some time. All should start to get better over time. You may be triggered at times, and that is okay too. Give yourselves a chance to heal.

Being in the “present” can be hard when you are in a state of mind you never thought you would be in. Keeping yourselves around those you love and those who make you happy can help make things more manageable. It will take time to move forward, but our community is making it clear – we are all in this together. Continue to soar high Eagles. We are all so proud of you! Celeste Catania-Opris, Ph.D., LMFT, offers therapeutic services to individuals, couples, and families. Visit www.TherapyForModernHousewives.com

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Coral Springs PD Role Then and Now

The ripple effect of the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School was tremendous. Not only were the kids in that particular building affected, but so were all of the MSD students, their families, their friends, and countless others across the country. However, people often neglect to realize the immense trauma that law enforcement officers have had to cope with since that fateful day. We, as residents, are accustomed to viewing our police officers as heroic figures who we count on to jump right in when disaster strikes. While our officers are indeed heroes, they are also human beings. On February 14, they witnessed a horrifying scene that undoubtedly left them with their own emotional scars.

They, too, have a perspective worth hearing about.

Due to the ongoing investigation of the events that happened that day, the Coral Springs Police Department could not have any face-to-face or telephone interviews to discuss the shooting, nor could they provide the names of any officers who offered insight into their experiences on that day. However, in a collective written response, the CSPD officers described their immediate reaction as they entered the 1200 building on February 14.

“Despite the emotional gravity of the situation, we immediately fell back on our active shooter training,” they said. “There was a lot going on. Cell phones ringing, students crying – it tested our resolve to focus on what we needed to do.”

While some officers were given the job of eliminating the threat, others were tasked with evacuating students and staff, and still others immediately began treating wounded victims. Prior to this incident, all Coral Springs police officers had been given a kit to provide emergency medical treatment – something which turned out to be extremely valuable while working on the scene.

“We are trained to use this kit containing combat gauze, tourniquets, and occlusive dressings. That training proved to be crucial in this incident,” the officers said. But it wasn’t only the Coral Springs Police that provided this aid: “Countless Broward County Sheriff’s deputies, officers from multiple jurisdictions, and Coral Springs – Parkland EMS personnel assisted in treating the victims of this tragedy.”

Granted, the CSPD officers are well aware of the controversy surrounding the law enforcement response on that day, and they continue to cooperate with all authorities that are investigating the incident. In their response, the officers affirmed their commitment to “learning from [their] experiences” and continuing to work with other agencies to ensure that tragedies like these don’t happen again. At the same time, they noted, they continue to have a “tremendous working relationship” with the officers of the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

“There were many courageous deputies and officers who responded on that fateful day, from multiple jurisdictions, whose actions were nothing short of heroic,” they said.

Of course, since the terrible tragedy, the CSPD officers have also had to take care of themselves and their emotional wellbeing. In the aftermath of the shooting, the police department offered both individual officers and their families counseling, and Critical Incident Stress Management team members from Coral Springs, Plantation, and Pembroke Pines were available at any time of day. But for the officers, what continues to be one of their greatest sources of comfort is spending time with their family and friends.

That and serving the people of the Parkland and Coral Springs community. The officers said that their favorite part of working in these cities is the support they get from the residents who live in them. After the shooting, they said they received countless letters, emails, and social media posts from residents expressing their gratitude and support.

To this day, they continue to feel that outpouring of love.

“The support we get from our community is unmatched,” they said. “We receive daily messages and phone calls from community members thanking us for our service.” When asked whether this event will continue to impact our community in the future, the officers said there is no way for it not to.

“You can’t be touched by tragedy without feeling the effects of it,” they said. “The victims of the MSD shooting… were our friends, our family, our neighbors whose lives were cut short by a violent act. There are empty chairs at the dinner table every night where children used to sit with their families in our community.”

At the same time, the officers shared their hope for the future and their commitment to continuing the healing process:

“What we’ll take away from this as we move forward is the chance to come together, to heal, and to learn, not just locally, but across the country.”

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Moving in the Right Direction

It has been one year since the MSD shooting. We all know the toll it took on everyone and the damage left behind. We have also seen and heard the countless debates and protests both for and against gun control. A multitude of articles have been written for both sides, as well as methods of coping with the trauma from these horrific events. But what are some of the organizations that have emerged since then that give people a way to cope, to fight, and to carry on the message of NEVER AGAIN!

I’ve written articles on FAMSVARPAC (The Journey of a Thousand Miles, Nov. 2018) and a documentary video about Parkland (Bridging the Great Divide, Dec. 2018). But besides these two, who and/or what groups have come forward to help those in need, or to fight against these shootings in the future? While the list isn’t complete, it is a step in the right direction. In no particular order, we have:

PU4P Professionals United 4 Parkland. This is a group of highly qualified mental health professionals who provide many different forms of treatment for traumas such as those experienced by the shooting at MSD. Here is a link for the website: www.pu4p.org

CTR Change the Ref is an organization whose primary goal is to educate the newer generation of young people on how to best use what’s available to them to have their voices heard on the issues at hand. Manuel and Patricia Oliver whose son Joaquin, was one of the victims of the MSD shooting formed this group. The link to the website is www.changetheref.org.

Mobilizing MSD Alumni This is a national organization with more than 11,000 members, founded to help those involved in the MSD shooting. They have Outreach, Advocacy, and Community programs designed to cover all aspects of those in need. Their website is www.msdstrongalum.com.

These are a few local groups that have been formed not only to carry on the fight for better gun control and school safety but also to help those in need mentally, physically and spiritually. There are several national groups, such as DC Local Ambassadors (www.dcambs.org) founded by D.C. lawyer Elizabeth Andrews, Move On (www.front.moveon) and Everytown for Gun Safety (www.everytown.org) in case you feel the need to do more on a national level. But, as I have stated before, one of the best things we can all do, is be aware of those that surround our families, our friends, and us. Don’t be afraid to speak up or ask questions if you feel there is something not quite right. Encourage others to freely express themselves about their issues concerning these tragedies, regardless if they were directly involved. Last, but not least… don’t just depend on these and other organizations to get the job done concerning the political aspects of gun control and school safety. Write letters, make phone calls to your local, state, and federal officials and let them know your concerns and feelings. One voice, one vote alone may not make a difference but all of them together are a force not to be denied.

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How do You Talk to Your Children About Grief and Loss?

When the mass shooting occurred at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, parents were lost as what to do and where to begin in efforts to support their grieving children. Many parents were just as traumatized as their children. Children can be silent sufferers and all have to have to learn how to deal with a roller coaster of emotions. As a licensed clinical social worker, I have a few helpful solutions to uncomfortable conversation easier.

Attempt to have an open discussion about the shootings with your child. Not talking about it can make the tragedy even more threatening in their mind. It is very likely that they’re having daily reminders of the tragedy from media, peers at school, and even by physically being at school. Initiating a conversation will allow the opportunity to voice their feelings and fears rather than hold them in. When communicating with them avoid clichés like, “I know how you feel” or, “Everything will be alright.” The goal is to ease the suffering by being compassionate and providing a sense of safety. Maintaining open communication is key. Persuade your children to ask questions, and try to answer those questions directly. In hard times, share one piece of good news a day and encourage them to do the same.   

Continue to remind your children that these are natural feelings, and they aren’t alone. Be a positive role model and consider sharing your feelings about the event, but at a level they can understand. Express sadness and empathy for the victims and their families. Suggest ways you and your children together can be helpful in the community by supporting local causes and advocating to make change. Role-model ways to be more in the moment. For example, enjoy a television show or game night together as a family, or even a fun outing. This will help alleviate anxiety and tension triggered by the tragedy. It also provides a sense of relief and family unity. Social media, cellphones, and gaming are just distractions. It takes our children away from facing the reality of the world around them, which suppresses the grief. If they hold in and suppress these painful feelings, it can come out in negative ways. Our jobs as parents are to provide them with a platform to grieve in order to help them heal and develop their own coping skills.  As the one year anniversary of the terrible tragedy at MSD approaches, it is essential that we reintroduce conversations. There is no right or wrong way or normal length of time for grieving. The family as a whole should understand that each person is going through a personal journey. Remind them that their deep-rooted feelings are normal reactions to an abnormal event. Be patient with your child as they may experience moodiness, anger, sadness, guilt, and/or irritable behaviors.  When attempting to bond with your child be mindful of their current feelings so that your tone of voice and demeanor can be more soothing. To support them in their sorrow and through the healing process, motivate them to attend local support groups and community outreach events. Encourage your child to attend memorials and vigils. These healing events offer the community a chance to come together and mourn as one and help them feel unified. If you or someone in your family is struggling with a painful loss, please call, First Call for Help of Broward(954) 537-0211 or dial 211 on your cellphone for community resources to assist your family.

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A Book About Differences and Similarities

When Erica Bayes’ golden parrot, Noodle, escaped from her Wellington home last year, little did Bayes know that Noodle’s adventure would help spark the idea for Noodle Makes New Friends, an innovative children’s book about accepting each other’s differences.

That memorable incident occurred in May of 2017, when Bayes was at home playing with the golden parrot she had adopted as a very young bird. When Bayes’ Rhodesian Ridgeback jumped on a sliding glass door that was slightly ajar, the door opened. The dog trotted out, and Noodle flew out after him. Even though Bayes put up 500 posters with a picture of Noodle, posted on a neighborhood app, alerted The Palm Beach Post, and organized search parties to look for her beloved parrot, Noodle was missing for four days before she was rescued. When found, she was very ill. Fortunately, Noodle made a complete recovery.

The second inspiration behind the book derives from the author’s work doing yoga with children who have disabilities, including cerebral palsy, autism, and physical handicaps. A certified yoga instructor since 2009, Bayes found that making children comfortable with their bodies and providing them with the one-on-one acceptance and intimacy they don’t often get was a very moving experience. “With the muse being Noodle coming off her escape and her healing, and being so touched when I worked with these children, writing the book merged all sorts of passions for me,” recalled Bayes.

Noodle Makes New Friends is a colorful, happy-hearted book with the message that kids can learn from and celebrate each other’s individual distinctions instead of being afraid and shying away from them. “I have seen parents usher their children past a child or an adult in a wheelchair and say, ‘Don’t ask, don’t look,’” Bayes said. “I want the conversation to be open. Children are naturally curious. I think when you deny them answers; you’re actually invoking fear. They learn to be trepid of someone who’s different. Instead of, ‘Hey this person might look different from me, but we may actually have things in common and get along just fine.’”

In Noodle Makes New Friends, it’s the first week of school and Noodle feels shy about meeting new people until the teacher has students present a little bit about themselves. Olive Owl has a glittery eyepatch and loves to sing and dance. Lemon Leopard has a crumpled paw but enjoys painting. Mango the Macaw has a fake wing yet plays basketball. Sam the Frog has autism and likes to cook. Noodle learns that although her classmates have had accidents or were born with a disability and look a little different, they’re not scary at all. On the inside, they all have a lot in common and can have a wonderful time together. Available on Amazon, Noodle Makes New Friends is the first in the series of Noodle books. For more information, visit www.EricaBayes.com or email enbayes@gmail.com.

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Preventing Addiction and Other Calamities

Preventing Addiction

No parent wants to learn that their child is addicted to drugs, yet millions find themselves in this situation. No parent wants their child to be a victim of discrimination, bullying, child abuse, sexual harassment, and other dangerous situations, but it happens every day. Every parent should ask, “What must I do to protect my children? What can I do to prepare them for the future?”

Parents need to equip their children with the necessary knowledge and skills to handle situations of potential danger. From birth on, children and adults are constantly learning new and important life skills. For example, a toddler will master the art of using eating utensils and dressing oneself and over time will learn more needed life skills.

Spending quality time with children has been shown to be most advantageous. Many parents are overloaded because of work, family, and household commitments, but time must be put aside to spend with children in the family, even if it’s only 30 to 60 minutes a month. The infant and toddler can be exposed to lullabies, fairy tales, and stories of family members. As verbalization develops, encourage the child to give a simple analysis of what was presented. For example, after telling the fable of the Three Little Pigs you can ask the child, “What was the story about? What materials would you use to build a house and why?” The parent must be patient and ask age-appropriate questions. The atmosphere of their time spent together should be non-threatening and enjoyable.

After the age of six, life-protecting skills can be introduced, such as the dangers of addiction, how to manage relationships between friends, how to handle discrimination and prejudice, what to do when bullied, sexually molested, and so forth. The information should be repeated and reinforced as the child matures. Some topics may be uncomfortable to discuss and can be tabled to a future time if need be.

For a child from the ages of six to 11, it is easier to convey the necessary feelings and attitudes about a particular subject. An adolescent child may be less prone to have an in-depth discussion with the parent, especially if the teen is rebellious. Parents may initiate discussions on their own, doing basic research beforehand so as to have the correct information.

If giving important life-saving information to our children saves anyone from addiction, physical and sexual abuse, discrimination, bullying, and decreases the number of teenage pregnancies, then the art of parenting will have taken an important step forward and will place our children on the path of achieving a successful and rewarding life.Melvin S. Rosh, MD FAAP www.RewardingLifeInc@gmail.com.

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