The Village Idiots

In days long past, people knew by the time a child was around five or six, whether or not the kid had all its marbles.

Imagine, continuing the marble thread, the normal one’s brain looked like a neatly set up game of Chinese checkers. Each marble precisely placed in its appointed spot, and the child did what she was told. Remember that old game, Mouse Trap? The one that looked like a Rube Goldberg contraption? (If you haven’t heard of him, Google him. So much fun.) Levers, flippers, scoops, and raceways had marbles flying everywhere. The child whose brain did that didn’t fit in very well. They disobeyed and explored forbidden places and thoughts. Was the child a genius or an idiot?

Depending on the village culture, the kid with the flying marbles didn’t fit in. If the child was simple-minded, but could be relied upon to complete easy tasks, then he was trained to do so. If the kid was a danger to others, too much of a burden, or just scared the townspeople, they disappeared.

You heard me. Oh, no one spoke about it. There are veiled references to such things in historical records, but stories survived about disabled or deformed newborns being left out in the woods for the wolves. Babies with problems were bad omens. Whacky behavior was a sign of stupidity. A story from an arcane entry in a church record tells of a child who couldn’t speak, made it to the age of six, but constantly pointed at the sky and screamed. Along came a period of non-stop rain that killed all the crops, and subsequently, most of the animals. Poor kid got blamed as being an evil spirit who brought the disaster. Yeah, he didn’t survive.

Seems barbaric, doesn’t it? Ah, but it turns out, during most of human history, we’ve rejected anyone who was differently abled. More modern times brought ways of locking away the disabled-from-birth kids, but they were still out of sight. Unless, of course, you were rich or powerful. It’s the same old story. People haven’t changed. If you were a member of what my one son calls the lucky sperm club, your chances of survival were way better.

Okay, okay. I get it. So far, this is not funny. See, I’m here to make sure you realize how good you’ve got it. It all makes me happy that my siblings and I were born in the 20th century.

I hate to think of how those middle ages villagers would have treated my siblings and me. We exhibited some pretty dopey behavior, and we weren’t rich.

We had a neighbor, who, I’m quite sure, wanted all six of us taken away somewhere. Had she been the head of an ancient village, my siblings and I would’ve disappeared, for sure. Her children behaved with decorum. They didn’t roll in the mud. They didn’t race bicycles downhill with no hands. They never fell out of trees. We were loud and boisterous. We made messy mud and leaf sandwiches in our pretend deli on the side porch and tried to sell them. Once, after witnessing my brother chasing my screaming sister around the yard — he was attempting to hit a bee, that had apparently decided it loved her, by whipping a rope at her as they ran — our neighbor ranted at my mother but good about her disgraceful progeny.

That brother is now a Ph.D. So, I wonder how many children, how many incredibly smart people, were discarded on the cutting-room floor of human history? I have to believe those villagers of old would’ve definitely left us in the woods. In days long past, people knew by the time a child was around five or six, whether or not the kid had all its marbles.

 

National Ice Cream Month… What’s Your Flavor

Is there anything more irresistible on a hot summer day than a cool and creamy ice cream cone? Not that you need another reason to indulge, but July is officially National Ice Cream Month and the third Sunday in July is National Ice Cream Day. The Ancient Greeks may have invented the first ice cream, a treat they made by mixing a combination of snow, fruit, and honey.

There are also historic accounts of ice cream being enjoyed in the Persian Empire, where snow from the winter was saved in underground chambers known as “yakchal.” A grape puree was poured over the saved snow. Later, the Quaker colonists brought us closer to the ice cream we know today. Sharing their recipes, they set up ice cream shops in New York during the colonial era. Though celebrating ice cream is a relatively new custom in America, the idea was first formally proposed in Joint Resolution 298 in May of 1984 by Senator Walter Dee Huddleston of Kentucky.

It did not take long before President Ronald Reagan signed the resolution; and, on July 15, 1984, a Presidential Proclamation designated that National Ice Cream Month would be celebrated annually in July. Other U.S. presidents have held ice cream in high esteem. Most notably, Dolly Madison, wife of President James Madison, had her own ice cream brand. Today, the ice cream and dairy industries are flourishing due to the revenue brought in by ice cream connoisseurs across the world. The ice cream industry

generates about $3.5 billion in annual sales. Famous ice cream chains include Ben and Jerry’s, Dairy Queen, and Carvel. In Palm Beach County, Kilwins and Sloan’s Ice Cream rank high among the favorites by locals and tourists. Most popular flavors are vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and cookies and cream.

Novel non-traditional flavors include “Phish Food” at Ben and Jerry’s, “Banana Fudge Pie” at Kilwins, and “Minnie and Indy’s Fluffy Road” at Sloan’s. Whether deep-fried, dipped, sprinkled, or au natural, ice cream is one food that provokes smiles and a host of passionate responses.

“My favorite flavor is Chocolate Peanut Butter from Kilwins.” – Ali Naugle

“When I go to Kilwins, I love the shredded coconut flavor.” – Hannah Lebersfeld

“The ice cream flavor I like best is New York Super Fudge Chunk from Ben and Jerry’s.” – Jess Caplin

“I enjoy mint chocolate chip from Brendy’s because it is light and refreshing.” – Becca Freeman

Treat yourself to your favorite flavor on National Ice Cream Day, July 16. Ice Cream Fun Facts

• Vanilla holds steady as the most popular flavor.

• California produces more ice cream than any other state in the U.S.

• It takes about 50 licks to finish an average sized ice cream cone. What’s your flavor?

 

Florida’s Sweltering Life Before Air-Conditioning

When the Florida sun beats down and the temperature reaches the 90s, you can thank a fella named Willis Carrier for the air conditioning that makes life in Florida bearable.

To a large extent, he’s why we can walk from our air-conditioned homes to our air-conditioned cars to our air-conditioned workplaces without being drenched in sweat.

Well, almost. On the hottest days, walking through a parking lot can soak a shirt or blouse. Even now, walking any distance in summer can cause my shirt to stick to me, and I must change shirts at least twice a day. When Hurricane Wilma struck in 2005, I had a brief taste of life without A/C. After just two days, when our bed sheets were wet with sweat, a friend took us in. And that was in October! Never mind the summer. All of this raises the question: How did people here stand it before air conditioning? Well, it was a different culture for sure. The constant heat was a reason stereotypical folks in Old Florida walked and talked more slowly than folks in the north. And the heat controlled a lot of what they did. Smart builders built homes with deep, overhanging eaves that extended far enough to shade the windows from the sun. High ceilings allowed heat to rise, making it slightly cooler below.

Opposing windows allowed the relief of a cross breeze through the house if there was a breeze at all. Smart folk, if they could, planted trees to the east and west of the house to offer shade from the arc of the sun. Some had “sleeping porches,”

A screened-in porch that might have been cooler with just the slightest nighttime breeze. (In big city apartment buildings – New York and Chicago – people slept outside on fire escapes.) There are accounts, if they’re true, of folks hanging wet clothes in doorways on the theory that air blowing through them would have a cooling effect. It’s said that some who had refrigerators first would put bed sheets or even underwear in the refrigerator to cool them. The heat was a reason some folks took midday naps, to escape the hottest part of the day. By any measure, life in the heat of the summer must have been just miserable. You can imagine that many Floridians were, shall I say, pretty stinky. The heat created a culture that’s been long gone – one that might have brought neighbors closer together, at least to know each other. You might call them “porch people” who sat on their porch to escape the stifling and stuffy heat inside.

A lot of family business was done on the porch, and, by golly, it’s widely reported that people actually talked to others nearby and those just passing by. A lot of music was played and heard from those porches. Those of us born post-A/C have no cause to even think about Florida life before then. The fellow I mentioned – Willis Carrier – created a functioning air conditioner of some kind back in 1902, but it wasn’t until 1951 when window A/C units were introduced. Central air conditioning systems came along in the ’60s. (Movie theaters were sometimes the first place in town to have it, so people fled to the movies just to keep cool.) It was about 1970 when a majority of Florida homes

became air-conditioned, and the Florida population soared. In 1950, the population here was 2.7 million. By 1960, with some air conditioning, the population increased to 4.9 million. In the ’70s more homes had “central air” and the population grew to about 19 million today. Today’s Florida is possible only because of air conditioning. Without it, we’d all be likely wearing sweaty T-shirts and sitting on a porch at night, hoping to catch a slight breeze. More likely, we wouldn’t be here.

Had Willis Carrier not done what he did, someone else most likely would have figured out the engineering, but who knows when? So when I turn on the A/C these days, I might think of Willis. And I won’t have to go searching for the slightest breeze.

 

The Secrets to Happiness

The secrets to happiness are within the reach of almost everyone. Incorporate the habits, practices, and ways of thinking about the world that happy people use. Beware of the myths associated with happiness. Not gender, age, social, or marital status alone makes one happy.

Stress and pressures of life have negative effects on mood and behavior. They can even lead to heart attack, stroke, or depression. Positive feelings correlate with living longer and having more fun along the way. Randy Larsen and David Buss, chairmen of the Washington University Department of Psychology, co-wrote a textbook called Personality Psychology. They suggest getting in touch with the happiest times of your day, week, or month. Is it playing golf, having dinner with friends, or volunteering at an animal shelter? Try to do more of the things in your life that bring you joy. Here are a few suggestions to increase your happiness. • Just think of how lucky we are living the U.S., rather than the Middle East or somewhere else. We already have it made in terms of the opportunities in this country.

• Try to behave like an extrovert, even though it is not your disposition. Create opportunities to be social. Compliment a person at the grocery store, say hello to someone at a bus stop and have a five-minute conversation.

• Find a new outlet for energy. Clean out your closet or take a walk in a park you never visited. Try learning a new language. Walk on the beach at sunset and have dinner in a new restaurant. If you only read a certain class of book, try something new – an espionage novel or historical biography. Visit a place you haven’t been, somewhere local would be perfect for a weekend getaway.

• Have a few friends write down the five happiest days or nights of their lives. What did you think at that time and how has your perspective changed from the past to now? Get together and discuss it.

Drop the habits of neurotic people, don’t complain. Be a listening ear for someone else and cheer up a friend who needs it.

• Don’t dwell on a problem or jump to a worst case scenario. We all spend too much time worrying about things that never happen. Keep things in perspective. • Try to find humor in a problem or even laugh at yourself.

Decide to dwell on what is positive about your life. Before bed, make a short list of ten things you are grateful for today.

In time, that list will grow.

Baring and Daring Weddings

Life is short, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone else, do what makes you happy. But some wedding attire trends might make me change my lifelong motto. There are some things you cannot ‘unsee’ and therefore, permanent damage to one’s ability to believe in common sense is a distinct possibility. It’s not fair to invite unsuspecting folks to your nuptials, then make them watch a spectacle that will give them nightmares. If you’re going to do something bizarro, give the invitees a heads up, so they can politely craft an excuse to miss it. I thought I’d heard of everything when it came to weddings. Nope. Turns out, if you don’t keep up, the ever-increasing onslaught of weird news will run right by.

The most stomach-churning ones, to me, are the naked or nearly naked, bridal parties. The very idea gives me hives. That said, if it’s taking place at a nudist colony or nude beach, well then, anybody attending already knows what’s exposed, so those don’t count. Naked wedding parties are similar to the disappointment of going to a nude beach, because most who option out of clothing aren’t the ones we want to see in their birthday suits. From the pictures I’ve seen (my retinas will never be the same), the people who get naked-hitched aren’t exactly good-looking. That’s fine. I’m not passing judgment, I swear. But, gee golly willikers Bob, give the witnesses a choice. If invited, chances are they know the bride and/or groom and possibly much of the bridal party. They can calculate in advance how much alcohol to drink before arriving, or decide to be busy that day. I wonder if one such group knows their picture is on the first page of search results.

The bridesmaids wore G-strings and garterbelted stockings, stilettos, and red glittery pasties over their boobs. The groomsmen wore short-shorts and top hats. The generously sized bride and groom wore less than their attendants. And tattoos in the most interesting places. Not that there’s anything wrong with permanently coloring your body if that’s what you want to do. But making the rest of us aware of intimate details we really don’t want to know is just plain mean. Like the one bridesmaid who had the word “lefty” on her left breast, and “ritey” on her right breast. Yes, the tattoo artist got it wrong. Where I came from, if you could see the bride’s bra strap, it was an embarrassment. Of course, I’m from a tiny Mayberry-ish town in New Jersey.

Now I live in South Florida, and I should be used to anything and everything, but yikes. There was an expectant bride who was apparently very excited about the impending birth of her child because she wore a gown with a big hole cut out in the middle for her naked baby bump to protrude through. Another wore a topless gown to show off her enormous ta-tas, which had sequined white pasties over them. I do not understand this. I remember my father and my grandparents lamenting the new generation and the way they did things. I thought they were hopelessly old-fashioned. Jeez, maybe I’m just getting old.

When seniors need a lawyer

An 86-year-old who broke her hip recently was released from rehabilitation. While she was well enough to leave a medical facility, she faced other issues: She could no longer live alone and she’d accumulated expenses that far exceeded her ability to pay them. The senior citizen’s daughter looked for help and found it through Feldman & Feldman, a law firm specializing in, among other areas, elderly law. The firm is working with the woman, the surviving spouse of a wartime veteran, to help her qualify for VA Aid and Attendance benefits. Feldman & Feldman is also providing the area resident with options to qualify her for Florida Medicaid benefits to assist with her care expenses.

“We are also assisting the senior with ensuring her advance directives are up-to-date, so that her daughter may step in and act for her, if necessary,” said Michael Feldman, a partner with the Coral Springs firm.

Feldman is an elder law attorney, a lawyer who specializes in legal problems faced by the elderly andtheir families. Elder law attorneys deal with the “practical and special needs of vulnerable elders and their families, when facing health-related and financial problems,” Feldman said.

He said senior citizens should retain an elder law attorney whenever they face problems related directly to legal problems often faced by the elderly. Elder law’s areas of practice include Medicaid or VA benefits, advance directives, such as durable powers of attorney, healthcare designations and living wills. Elder law also encompasses estate planning and estate administration.

Before hiring an elder law attorney, a person should conduct research by finding out the answers to he following questions:

  • Is the lawyer a member of specialized organizations such as NAELA, AFELA, the Elder Law section of the Florida Bar?
  • How many years has the attorney worked in Elder Law?
  • What specialization and/or board certifications do they have?

Sometimes a person requiring the services of an elder law attorney might contact an ombudsman. Such an individual is “a government employee charged with protecting citizen rights in particular areas of concern,” Feldman said. “Most are attorneys themselves but will refer you to an appropriate private attorney when and if they believe your needs will be best served by engaging private legal counsel.”

According to the web site elderlawanswers.com, under the federal Older Americans Act each state must have an ombudsman program that addresses the complaints of residents who live in nursing homes, board and care homes, and assisted living facilities.

Each statewide program usually comprises several regional or local ombudsman programs which operate within an Area Agency on Aging or other community organization.

 

For help

Snakes On The Loose!

Living out west in Coral Springs, Heron Bay, Parkland, and Boca Raton brings numerous natural rewards: an amazing panoramic view of the Everglades with beautiful sunsets and incomparable bird watching.

It also means sharing that beauty with wildlife. Bobcats, opossums, raccoons, and deer are valued as our unique natural treasure. Yet according to state wildlife officials, those very species are being wiped out by a singularly hungry snake that doesn’t belong here: the Burmese python. Rabbits and foxes already have shockingly vanished wherever pythons now dominate, say wildlife researchers.

In the 1980’s when pet snakes like pythons grew too large to keep, their owners “set them free” or they released themselves. It’s also believed that many more escaped when recent hurricanes battered South Florida’s pet stores and exotic animal importer warehouses.

Before long, these pesky Southeast Asian natives established themselves in the Everglades National Park, rapidly breeding and expanding their range northward.

Who can forget the unbelievable media images of huge pythons attacking and eating grown alligators, usurping the mighty gator’s place as top predator in the vast River of Grass?

Special hunts for Burmese pythons have proved ineffective because the Glades offer a very similar habitat to their home where they easily hide in high grass.

Now researchers estimate there at least 100,000 of them slithering around in South Florida. Each adult interloper reproduces an average of 30 – and up to 100 – voracious little pythons every year into Florida’s fragile ecosystem. They have gobbled up untold numbers of native animals and probably will never be eradicated, according to scientists who now only hope to keep their numbers in check.

Burmese pythons are non-venomous. Instead, they constrict their prey, literally squeezing the life out of them before slowly swallowing them whole. They are one of the most feared species of snakes because they can grow to more than 20 feet long and weigh 250 pounds. And the fact that they do not fear people, unlike most snakes, makes them that more dangerous.

So what should you do if you encounter a Burmese python in your yard? Your best choice is to just let it be. Most snake attacks are a result of the untrained trying to capture or kill them. Odds are it’s probably just passing through the area anyway. So give it some time and space to do just that

If you have small children or pets that play outside, never leave them unsupervised. To exclude pythons and other snakes, eliminate places for them to breed and hide (remove brush piles, fill in under decks and sheds, plug holes and other openings in the home exterior, keep your grass trimmed).

And always remember: Though you may fear them, most snakes are harmless and they all benefit us by eating unwanted bugs, mice, and rats.

If the python must be removed, call a humane animal control professional or a wildlife rehabilitation center. Report any Burmese python sightings to the Florida Wildlife Commission hotline: 1-888:IVE-GOT1 (1-888-483-4681) or visit Ivegot1.org.

Florida’s Crazy Laws

by Glenn Swift Jr.

strapless

We all remember the embarrassment, and humiliation, we proud Floridians endured during the 2000 presidential election: butterfly ballots, and hanging chads. Those images are firmly planted in our memory banks. So, let’s be honest. We didn’t look all that great before the nation. Of course, we assured ourselves that all the insanity wasn’t indicative of our robust, cutting-edge state. Well, on closer look, maybe we do need to rethink a few things after all. You see, we have some, let’s say, rather bizarre laws still in effect in our glorious Sunshine State. Here are some examples of what I’m talking about. Just don’t tell your friends up North.

 

They’ll be convinced that we really are nuts!

 

In Florida…

It is illegal to block any well-traveled wagon road.

It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6pm on a Thursday.

It is illegal to skateboard without a license.

Failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.

It is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.

Sexual relations with a porcupine are strictly prohibited.

It is illegal for an unmarried woman to skydive on Sunday.

When having sex only the missionary position is legal.

Women can be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer. (the salon owner can also be fined for this horrible crime.)

It is illegal to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.

Lap dances must be given at least six feet away from a patron.

You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.

Rats are forbidden to leave a ship docked in Tampa Bay.

Topless walking or running within a 150-foot zone between the beach and the street is prohibited.

In Key West…

It is illegal to spit on a church floor.

Chickens are considered a “protected species.”
In Miami…

It is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.

It is illegal to imitate an animal.

The penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.

No person shall operate a bicycle unless it is equipped with a bell or device capable of giving a signal audible for a distance of at least 100 feet; however, No bicycle shall be equipped with, nor shall any person use upon a bicycle, any siren or whistle.

Oral sex is illegal.

In Miami Shores…

Any product manufactured in a Communist country that is sold within its city limits must be clearly marked so as not “to hide its Communist origins.”

In Pensacola…

Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.

It is illegal to roll a barrel on a street. (Fines go up according to the contents of the barrel.)

A woman can be fined (only after death) for being electrocuted in a bathtub while using self-beautification utensils.

In Sarasota…

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

If you hit a pedestrian, you are fined $78.

Catching crabs is illegal.

In Tampa…

It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6pm.

Are these crazy enough for you? For more crazy laws, visit
stupidlaws.com/laws/united-states/florida
.

Driving the Open Road

Life is a highway for female trucker Desiree Wood. This wasn’t always the case, and her dream job wasn’t to be driving a big rig. “I was in a bad situation, and my friend encouraged me to try it,” she said.trucker

Wood reasoned that since her children were grown, and she was single, couple that with her love to travel, this would be a good fit. Her next step was to get her commercial driver’s license, which proved to be quite problematic. The obstacles she encounter took quite a bit to overcome.

Wood discovered that most CDL schools were a scam. At one point she wrote a story that Dan Rather investigated. Rather interviewed her, and the piece, titled “Queen of the Road,” aired. (youtube.com/watch?v=bdi37oFBW5k).

Because of how difficult it was for her while she was training, Wood’s co-founded Real Women in Trucking. The website, realwomenintrucking.com, has information and support for women who are interested in becoming truck drivers. The site also lists CDL schools, both good and bad. It also includes events, news, and a blog.

Woods has been driving for nine years. “I drive a truck both locally and long-haul. This past year I was working with a truck driver staffing agency in Fort Lauderdale that had me working in a number of different driving positions that included Pompano, and Deerfield – where I was living when I became a truck driver-, Boca, and throughout the state. Through them I found a position in Palm Beach County where I could drive both locally and long haul delivering specialty plants that are sold at Home Depot and Lowe’s.”

Woods has three pieces of advice for women who want to become truckers. “First, make sure you are not used to life’s pleasures. You need to learn to rough it. Second, Do thorough research on a school, and be willing to live on small pay. Third, make sure your health is good. Driving is hard on a body,” she said.

A final word to the public, Wood said “When you see us on the road, remember we are your moms and grandmas. We see you driving. Don’t cut us off!”

Reaching for the Sky

As a young girl, Rachel Martinez considered different career options. She thought about being a doctor or an architect. Then she had the opportunity to take an airplane ride with a program known as Young Eagles through the Experimental Aircraft Association in Homestead.pilot

“I went up in a Cessna. It was my first flight, and I loved it. Then I saw an older Navy plane with an open cockpit. My mom talked to the pilot and he gave me a ride. When we were airborne, he allowed me to fly the plane. It was the best feeling and I fell in love with flying,” she said.

Martinez went to Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach where she majored in aeronautical science, and minored in aviation safety. Martinez earned a bachelor of science degree in three and a half years. She earned her pilots license there, and become certified to fly multi-engine aircraft. She completed a training program at American Flyers in Pompano Beach so she could teach people to fly planes.

While Martinez loves flying, she does not consider herself an airplane fanatic. Her family was not involved in aviation. Her mother encouraged her to follow the dream to be a pilot. “I love flying. The views are beautiful and I am at peace when I am flying,” she said. “It is such an adventure to fly.”

Eventually, Martinez would like to get hired by a major airline. If she realizes this dream, Martinez hopes to continue giving flying lessons on a part-time basis. “I enjoy teaching others to fly,” she said. “I want to volunteer with Young Eagles. That would my way of giving back to the aviation community. I would volunteer with the program that I went through.”

For now, Martinez is working on building her flight time hours. She needs 1,000 hours to be considered for an airline position. She also will have to earn her airline transport certificate to work for an airline. Once she has these qualifications, she hopes to get hired by a regional airline, often a first step to getting hired by a larger airline. If an airline offers her a position, the organization will provide her training on flying jet aircraft. Much of this training will take place in a flight simulator.

Martinez is a confident and articulate young woman. She likes to help others, and being a pilot allows her to do so. “I enjoy seeing families and individuals reach their destination. Everyone has a reason to travel whether to see family or to visit a new place,” she said.

Celebrating Turkey Day on a Castle

by Victoria Landis

castleIf you carve your Thanksgiving turkey in a galvanized tub while wearing cargo shorts and sitting on a stool on a flat castle roof, you might be a unique kind of redneck.

For 16 years, I hosted Thanksgiving dinner, usually for 10 to 12 people. I skew toward a medium-formal setting when I host; placemats, napkins, matching silverware, a table centerpiece, but nothing too Martha Stewart-y. But last year, I needed a break from the two full days of dawn-to-dusk cleaning, prepping, and cooking. So I made my cancellation announcement to the normal invitees, withstood some loud, and withering complaints, then my significant other and I headed south. Since we were lucky enough to be in the Florida Keys, we were invited to partake of the annual feast at the home of an acquaintance of the SO’s.

They were so kind to include us, and we gratefully accepted. I brought a big bottle of Pinot Grigio, and a from-scratch apple pie. We arrived at 3pm, as requested. They lived in an unusual place: A fake medieval castle. Yeppers. Had the notched parapet wall at the top and everything. A souvenir shop occupied the ground floor, and although there was no way to tell from the outside, the second floor had four apartments.

We trudged up the exterior stairs, knocked on the first door, and found 13 other people crammed into a teensy apartment without a table. There was a small living area that barely fit a sofa and side chair. and The television stand was flanked by a miniature kitchen with maybe a total of eight-feet of counter space.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting my hosts down for being obviously economically challenged. But imagine our head-scratching, trying to figure out how they planned to feed us. There wasn’t space for each of us to actually sit anywhere. I wondered if their good intentions hadn’t been thought through.

The tiny kitchen had every available inch covered with various foods in the making, ingredients, dirty prep dishes, and booze bottles, since it also functioned as the bar. I opened my Pinot Grigio, poured a generous amount into a red plastic cup, and asked if I could be of any help in the kitchen. She put me to work making the gravy. While busying myself with my task, I asked the hostess, as nonchalantly as I could, how she planned on serving everyone. “We’re eating on the roof,” she said.

That inspired one of her kids to show me said roof. We went outside, up another flight of stairs, and a huge open area of flat concrete appeared. The notched walls were high, so no one would ever suspect parties could happen on top of the souvenir shop. Folding chairs lay against the wall, and three silt-encrusted folding tables sat empty in the middle of the space, but far away from and at odd angles to each other. So, you might ask, why wasn’t anyone from the crammed apartment hanging out up there?

Wind. It was so windy. How to prevent everything from blowing away? I shook my head, shut my mouth (It’s taken years, but I’ve gotten pretty good at that), and went back downstairs.

Our hosts made enough food for half the town. Two turkeys−one oven-roasted and one deep fried−and an enormous ham simmered in a big pot of Coca-Cola. No, I can’t explain that. Three kinds of potatoes, green beans, cornbread, and pasta salad. When it was time to eat, we hauled the food to one of the roof tables. The sooty dirt wasn’t cleaned off of any of them. They weren’t repositioned so the guests might feel like they were dining together. No tablecloths or placemats (they’d have blown away). Paper plates and paper towels were weighted down with rocks.

Our host pulled up a stool and put two galvanized tubs on the concrete floor, each holding a turkey. Using an electric knife, he carved them and placed the meat on platters, also set on the floor. Remember, it’s outside. Loose dirt abounds and it’s windy.

It was a precarious thing, holding a flimsy paper plate flapping in the wind while trying to plop food on it, and keep the plastic wrap or foil covering each dish from becoming airborne. In the end, that effort failed, and all that wasn’t secured did eventually sail off into another person’s backyard celebration.

We ate holding our plates down with one hand. When my SO, seated to my right, had finished his meal, he forgot for a moment and let go of his plate. A gust of wind picked it up and flung it at me. I went home with gravy and potato grease spots all over my shirt.

Thanksgiving is the American holiday. We celebrate it in many ways. There is no right way. Although it’s a ton of work, I am looking forward to my more traditional one again. Indoors.

November Achievements

ACHIEVEMENTS

Attending the Mayor’s State of the City Address

pccmayor

Attending the Mayor’s State of the City Address were Parkland Chamber of Commerce members Golden Johansson, left, Simeon Brier, Hon. Micahel Udine, Evan Wolk, Will J. Lawler, Kim Kadel Jack Kornreich, Steven Clark, Andrea Jacobs, and Nicole Roman

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Parkland Girl Wins Golf Tourney

kelly

Kelly Shanahan of Parkland won the Tour Championship for Girls 12-14 for the West Palm Beach local tour of US Kids. She will compete in the US Kids State and World Championships next summer in Orlando, and Pinehurst, NC. Kelly is a member of the North Broward Prep Varsity Girls Golf Team as a 7th grader. She will compete this winter at the Publix Doral Tournament in Doral, and in the IMG Junior Honda Classic Tournament at PGA National Golf Resort. Kelly’s dream is to play college golf for a division one school close to home.

 

 

 

 


Comeback Trail 5K rescheduled

Due to Hurricane Matthew, The National Stroke Association rescheduled the Fort Lauderdale Comeback Trail 5K walk/run at Huizenga Plaza to this month. For the new date, call 720-726-5441 or visit https://donate.stroke.org/fort-lauderdale/events/2016-comeback-trail-fort-lauderdale-fl/e67988.