Category: Lifestyle

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Wine Watch: The glorious wines of Tuscany

I believe that in another life I must have been Italian and a resident of Tuscany. I say this because, although I try to be as impartial as possible, I love the wines of Tuscany. I was fortunate to spend some time there and was amazed that even in the small-town restaurants where they served their own home-made wines, the wines were excellent, very enjoyable and absolutely perfect to accompany the Tuscan cuisine.

There is another side of the coin. If the home-made wines were so good, the Tuscan commercial wines must be something special.  They are. While Tuscany is mainly known for its chianti, a name that may be used by any wine from the district that is mostly sangiovese, there are producers there whose wines rise above the ordinary and express the true Italian style of fine wine making. I recently sampled some of the imported Tuscan wines and was delighted to find that the wines had not changed and were the same gems that I enjoyed while there.

Lagone 2018 Aia Vecchia ($17). This wine has been made to please anyone who loves red wines. It is a blend of the most popular red wine grapes; 60% merlot, 30% cabernet sauvignon, 10% cabernet franc. The question arose, at least in my mind, will all of these grape varieties clash or will they meld into an interesting whole?

The answer is that they did not only meld but they also produced what has to be one of the most interesting and delightful wines on the market today. Each of the constituents adds its own special flavor and aroma to the blend. I believe that it is safe to reiterate that everything that one seeks in a red wine is right here, clearly presented and probably the most interesting wine I have tasted in a while and all at a very affordable price.

Selvapiana 2019 Chianti Rufina ($21.99). Being made in the Rufina area of Tuscany, the smallest in size and highest in altitude of the Tuscan grape growing regions and from 95% sangiovese, this wine clearly classifies as a chianti. To further classify this wine, it is a chianti on steroids. The aroma and flavor are, to say the least, powerful. Plum, ripe cherries, wild berries abound with a background hint of fresh spice are easily identifiable with new flavor sensations appearing as the wine sits in the glass. The finish is as powerful as is the wine and may I add here, as unforgettable.

Casanova di Neri 2018 IRRosso Toscana ($22). Let’s be very honest. Just the name Casanova associated with the wine perks the interest. Here the name means “new house.”. This wine too is almost all sangiovese with 5% cabernet sauvignon and 5% petit Verdot blended in to add a bit more interest and balance.

It is in the production of this wine where the vintners moved in a direction that is not often used. The wine is fermented and aged in barrels of different size and of different types of woods thus changing the wine from the expected style to a wine of incredible depth and character. The results of all that work led to a wine that has all of the expected flavors and aromas of plums, cherries, wild berries and a hint of spice and a regal elegance found in very few wines.

As one would expect, with all of that barrel use, the properties of this wine might be muted in a shower of wood flavors. Not so, the wood is there but it is in harmony with the other properties and serves more as an enhancer rather than an overpowering annoyance and if you have ever had an over oaked wine you know what I mean. This wine is very food friendly and will accompany meals that call for a red wine and some that do not.

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Self-esteem: Part of the basics, not just a byproduct

By Dr. Simone Alicia, D.D, h.c

Take a shower, brush your teeth, mind your manners, and nurture your self-esteem. Those are the basics for our kids, right? Along with eating healthy, studying, and going to bed on time, most of us would agree that these are foundations of proper physical and emotional health.

Yet, there’s something strange on that list. Something that is always expected from our kids, but usually left off of the list of basic life lessons: It’s self-esteem.

Some say it’s just a byproduct that comes from doing other things, like sports, dance, or theater. But is that enough? Or do we need to teach self-esteem more directly?

As a self-esteem coach, one of the first things my young clients learn from me is that self-esteem is “the way we think and feel about ourselves.” I love that definition because it empowers kids to take charge of what they are thinking about anytime that they want. And they quickly learn that their thoughts affect their attitude, beliefs, and behavior!

Now, picture it, your kids just finished watching a drama-filled series online, then they played a few hours of a violent video game; they also realized that they got a bad grade, and a former friend was mean to them on social media. All of these experiences become images swirling around in your child’s mind. Each image has a negative feeling attached to it.

Now here’s the key: Your child has no clue what to do about these thoughts and feelings. So, now it affects their behavior, and they have a negative attitude toward you all day.

Is the self-esteem “byproduct” from their extracurricular activities enough to help them through this? No. They need real, direct tools, like affirmations, journaling, and reframing skills, which I’ll detail for you below:

  • This involves reciting positive things about yourself starting with “I am.” Singing them to the beat of a familiar tune helps younger kids through difficult times.
  • Step 1: “Release,” which is writing out all negative emotions in a journal and really imagining that they are being released out of you. Step 2 (most important): Turn to a new page and “refill” yourself, being a best friend to yourself and coaching yourself through whatever you just released, so you are left in a positive place. For example, “Even though that happened, I am strong, and I know it’ll be OK.”
  • This is a method by which you try to see your situation in a different way, perhaps with humor or by finding the good thing hidden in your situation. The sentence may start with “Well, at least…” ⎯ for example, if children get a low score at school, they could say, “Well, at least it’s not the last grade for the year.”

The most important thing for parents to know is that tools are out there to help their kids with building self-esteem, and they should have those tools before they need them. Preparation is power. After all, it’s far easier to put the life vest on before you fall into the water. Am I right?

With the current times that we live in and the unlimited access to technology, social media, controversial influencers, and more, we can no longer treat self-esteem building like a mere byproduct that kids will pick up somewhere. Instead, it’s time to recognize self-esteem building as a basic, fundamental life skill that our kids need to learn directly in order to live mentally healthy lives.

 

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Spring and summer mark the beginning of moving season

Here are a few tips to make your moving process smoother:

 

  • Prior to moving or relocating, declutter clothing, toys, or personal items. Eliminating these items in advance of your move will reduce your packing time and moving costs.

 

  • Pack items from each room together so they are not mixed with items from other rooms. For example, kitchen items should be packed separately from master closet items. This will help to make unpacking quicker and easier.

 

  • On your moving day, ensure the movers label and scan all of your items before they are loaded into the truck. Items should be labeled on each side and not just on the top so they can be identified easily.

 

  • While the movers will create a list of all of your items, consider creating your own inventory list to not only confirm the mover’s list but also designate which room they should be placed in your new home.

 

  • Once your items start unloading at your destination, be sure to check each item off on both the mover’s list and your list to double check that all your items have arrived safely. Inspect each item for damage if possible.

 

  • Time permitting, open and examine your items to see if they are intact. If anything is missing or damaged, be sure to make a claim as quickly as possible. Take pictures to document any damage, and immediately notify your move coordinator.

Lisa Haubenstock is a Professional Organizer and the owner of LisaTheOrganizer, LLC. serving Broward, Miami-Dade and Palm Beach Counties.

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Hogfish, grouper season upon us

By Steve Waters

April is a very special month for many anglers and divers in South Florida. The first of April marks the opening of hogfish and grouper season, and it has been a long wait for this enthusiastic bunch. Hogfish season closed last fall on November 1 in local waters, and grouper season has been closed since January 1 of this year in Atlantic waters.

April is a disappointing month for scuba divers who fish for fresh lobster, as the lobster season closes on April 1 of every year. Seasoned divers like Jim “Chiefy” Mathie, a retired Deerfield Beach fire chief, focuses on spearfishing for lionfish with his buddies, meanwhile taking note of where hogfish and grouper tend to congregate.

The good news, said Mathie, is that he’s been seeing plenty of fish. However, it’s important for divers and anglers to know that grouper and hogfish hauls have restrictions on bag and size. Black and gag grouper must measure at least 24 inches long and red grouper must be 20 inches long. Anglers and divers can keep a total of three grouper per day, but only one can be a black or a gag. The other two, or all three, can be red grouper.

The limit on hogfish is one per person per day with a minimum size of 16 inches long from the tip of the nose to the fork of the tail. In previous years, hogfish season was open all year, the daily bag limit was five, and the size limit was 12 inches. Mathie has seen an improvement in the hogfish population since the regulations took effect in 2017. “We definitely are seeing a lot of big males,” Mathie said, explaining that male hogfish big enough to spear have a long snoot with a dark stripe down the forehead.

Mathie is the author of “Catching the Spear-it! The ABCs of Spearfishing,” which is sold retail by most area dive shops as well as through online sources such as www.chiefy.net and others. The author shares many excellent tips in his book, but the sportsperson must always keep in mind the 3 R’s–recognition, regulation, and

range. In other words, be able to identify the fish, know the size limit, and be close enough to shoot it with your speargun. Spear fishermen must check off the 3 R’s relatively quickly with black and gag grouper. Unlike hogfish and red grouper, which often try to hide behind a sea fan when a diver approaches, blacks and gags don’t usually stick around.

In May, Mathie and his dive buddies concentrate on hunting the west-facing side of the third reef. The top of the reef is about 50 feet below the surface and the bottom is 60-65 feet. The reef holds large numbers of fish, including keeper-sized grouper and hogfish. Wrecks in 65 feet also are good spots to shoot big grouper and hogfish. Some years, Mathie and his friends hunted those spots for the entire month of May. Then they moved on to wrecks in 110-120 feet.

Capt. Skip Dana of the Fish City Pride drift boat in Pompano Beach fishes for grouper in wrecks from 75-240 feet. He notes that wrecks in 75-120 feet are good for gag grouper. Blacks are on the same wrecks as well as deeper ones. Reds can be as shallow at 30-40 feet around rockpiles, ledges and grass patches, and on wrecks.

The GPS coordinates for Florida’s artificial reefs are available at: myfwc.com/media/19397/artificialreefdeploymentlocations.pdf

Once a keeper grouper is hooked, there’s a good chance it may get away. The fish typically swim right back into the wreck or reef where they were hanging out.

Capt. Bouncer Smith of Bouncer’s Dusky 33 Miami, FL Fishing Charters, and author of “The Bouncer Smith Chronicles: A Lifetime of Fishing,” says having the proper tackle is essential for getting a grouper away from its home and up to the boat. Although braided line is popular with offshore anglers, Smith prefers using monofilament for his main line.

 

“If you’re truly targeting big groupers, you’re better off with real heavy monofilament and the craziest, tightest drag you can imagine fishing,” he says. “Braid doesn’t give to the pressure. Braid either holds or it breaks.

If you’re using 100-pound monofilament line or 80-pound monofilament line and a 120-pound leader, you can fish a lot more drag because when you’re turning your head and ducking, waiting for that line to break, it’s going to stretch instead of break. Therefore, you can put a lot more heat on that grouper with heavy mono than you can with braid.”

 

As Smith explains, monofilament line is like a palm tree in a storm. It will bend and sway, but it won’t break. Braided line is like an oak tree, which might be uprooted or snap in a strong wind. “The nice thing about braid is it makes it easier to get to the bottom and hold the bottom, but when it comes to stopping a fish, monofilament is far superior,” Smith says. “If you set the drag at 30 pounds with braid, when you reach 30 pounds then the line’s going to break. When you set the drag at 30 pounds with mono, instead of the mono breaking, it stretches. So, you’ve got a lot more give.”

As for tackle, Smith says the ideal grouper outfit is a dual-speed lever drag Penn International reel with a 7-foot, solid fiberglass rod because, similar to the palm tree, “They bend but they never break. However, these days most people use a 5½- to 6-foot stand-up rod.”

 

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Let’s Fiesta! – A Cinco de Mayo collaboration

Let’s Fiesta! – A Cinco de Mayo collaboration

By Rachel Hunter

Owner of Celebrate You Events offering bespoke party planning for all occasions.

Tel: 305.389.0550

CelebrateYou2020@gmail.com

While Cinco de Mayo originated as an historic battle won in the city of Puebla, Mexico, here in the US, it has become a celebration of Mexican heritage. So, grab your sombreros and get ready to party! Here are some family-friendly ideas to liven up your hump day.

A few days before the holiday, get the kids involved in creating the decorations. The local dollar store has tons of seasonal, inexpensive crafts. Make them together, or give them the tools and enjoy a few minutes of downtime. (Wishful thinking, I know!)

On the actual day, I like to set up a festive kids table with more activities. Don’t put the Easter eggs away just yet! Save a few for them to make their own maracas. Simply have them put dried beans inside the egg, grab a couple spoons and secure the egg in the spoons with some colorful tape. They’ll enjoy decorating them as well as dancing around afterwards with their new musical instrument. I also found a free, downloadable Cinco de Mayo themed “I Spy” for them to play. Throw in some adorable avocado cookies, and you’ll have some happy kids!

While the kids are busy with their crafts, make yourself a well-earned margarita. Instead of a salted rim try using Tajin for extra bite. Order food from your favorite Mexican restaurant, or whip up some quick fajitas like we did. But be sure to treat yourself to some almost-too-cute-to-eat sweets like these festive cookies and stunning cakes. Believe me, these coconut lime cactus cupcakes will not disappoint.

 

Stay safe and enjoy your Cinco de Mayo!

 

For information on any of these activities contact:

Rachel Hunter of Celebrate You Events (IG: @celebrate.you.events) – Concept creation, party styling & banners

Kelley Jomant of Caked with Love by Kelley Inc (IG: @cakedwithlovebykelleyinc) – Custom cakes

Ana Ortiz of AO Craft Décor (IG: @aocraftdecor) – Extra-large paper flowers

Claudia Ovalle of Claumellows (IG: @claumellows) – Custom cookies

Crystal Aguila of Riley Black Designs (IG: @rileyblackdesigns) – Custom signs & acrylic lime wedges

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Tips from Florida Power and Light Company

Save energy and money this spring with simple tips from FPL

By Andre Sowerby-Thomas

While spring is the season of new beginnings, it is also the season of more sunshine and as the weather heats up, spring also brings increased energy usage – especially as many of us continue to spend more time at home.

To help you save energy this spring, Florida Power & Light Company (FPL) is offering some simple tips.

  • Check windows for air leaks: Check your windows for drafts. Re-caulking and using weather strips can help to keep the warm air outside.
  • Leave incandescent bulbs behind: LED bulbs are 85% more efficient than incandescent bulbs and last 10 times longer.
  • Try to block out the sun: Use thermal-backed drapes for your windows and sliding doors and keep them closed during the sunniest parts of the day to help keep your home cool.
  • Always turn off your fan: Ceiling fans cool people – not rooms. Turn ceiling fans off when you leave a room. Leaving them on in an empty room can drive up energy costs.
  • Never leave your A/C filter dirty: Be sure to change the filter and make a habit of doing so within the timeframe recommended for your model.
  • Inspect the ceiling for duct leaks: If the ceiling is dirty around your A/C vents, that is a good indication of leaks in your ducts. Contact an A/C contractor to perform a duct test if that’s the case.
  • Consolidate electronics with power strips: Easily turn off a group of electronics at once when they’re not in use by consolidating several plugs onto a power strip. This could save you up to $100 a year.
  • Get energy savvy: Install a smart thermostat and control the temperature of your home from anywhere. When used appropriately, these can help a single-family home save about 3% of total energy costs.

Looking for more ways to save this spring? Check out FPL’s various energy saving programs, like our ceiling insulation and A/C rebates, no cost On Call program and free Energy Analyzer tool at fpl.com/save/programs.

 Andre Sowerby-Thomas is FPL’s Home, Business and Energy Solutions expert and residential contributor to Watt’s Happening, a blog by FPL focused on helping residential and business customers become energy savings pros. For more than 15 years, Andre has helped customers improve their energy efficiency and lower their home/business energy costs.

 

 

 

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SOFLO Gardening – May

What to plant

Annuals/Bedding Plants: Plants that can take summer heat include salvia, angelonia, wax begonia, and ornamental pepper.

Bulbs: Planting early-, mid-, and late-blooming varieties of daylily ensures months of color from these low-maintenance plants.

Herbs: Continue to plant heat-loving herbs, including basil, oregano, Mexican tarragon, and rosemary

Vegetables: Swiss chard will take the heat as well as okra, southern pea, and sweet potato.

What to do

Pests: Insects become more active in warm weather. Watch for thrips, scales, and mites on ornamental plants.

Gardenias: Yellowing of older leaves is usually normal; yellowing of new growth usually indicates a micronutrient deficiency

Oleanders: Inspect chewed or ragged leaves for oleander caterpillars at work.

Lawn insects: Watch for damage from chinch bugs in St. Augustinegrass and begin scouting for newly hatched mole crickets in bahiagrass lawns.

Tomatoes: Watch for pests, disease, and nutritional disorders on tomato plants.

New plants: Produce more plants by air layering, grafting, division, or cuttings. See Seeds and Propagation (Lawn and Garden):

Trees: Prepare for hurricane season by checking trees for damaged or weak branches and pruning if needed. Hire an ISA-certified arborist.

Lawn Mowing: Encourage healthy growth and discourage insects, weeds, and diseases by mowing correctly.

 

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A thank you to our furry friends

By Julie Rosner

Over the past year, the increased amount of stress has taken a toll on many people. Our normal support network is reduced and we are no longer out and about socializing with our friends and loved ones. Thankfully, during all this uncertainty, we do have individuals we can always rely on for love, support, and entertainment; our pets.

Anyone who knows me or spends at least five minutes with me knows how special my 1-year-old Siberian husky Ellie is to me. She is not just my dog, but truly a member of my family. Ellie has helped me through good times and bad. Not only has she helped reduce my stress and anxiety during this new transition, but she keeps me active and on a schedule.

According to Matt Bershadker, President and CEO of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), “This year the ASPCA saw a nearly 70 percent increase in animals going to foster care compared to the same period last year.” Due to the new norm of working from home, more dogs are finding homes, meaning few are left at shelters. If you are looking to adopt a pet, now is the time.

Ask anyone, the bond between furry or even feathered friends and their owners and loved ones is like no other. You always have a companion when you’re sad, lonely, or just want someone around to make you smile. Pets know when something is wrong and are ready to provide love, licks, and snuggles. When it is time to get up in the morning, no need for an alarm because your pet will wake you with barks, licks, or even some meows. Need I say more?

Besides all the added benefits of owning a pet, think about the emotional support they provide us and we provide them. No matter when you got your pet, chances are they have changed your life for the better. And for them, you have welcomed them into your family, bought them way too many toys, and given them the best life they could ever have.

According to Orlando resident Maddison Moak, “My 2-year-old German Shepherd named Ivey helps me in those moments where I need to be reminded that I am never actually alone. I’ve never understood true companionship until I had her around.”

People battling any health issue or requiring emotional support can apply to have an Emotional Support Animal by their side wherever and whenever they travel or go out in public. An emotional support animal can be a dog, cat, or any animal that helps ease the symptoms of emotional or mental disability.

According to adata.org, an emotional support animal is “any animal that provides emotional support alleviating one or more symptoms or effects of a person’s disability.” Emotional support animals do not have special training to perform tasks that assist people with disabilities, but rather provide companionship, relieve loneliness, and help with mental or health issues.

“In return, I bring Ivey comfort when she is scared and constantly show her unconditional love,” Moak said.

In the same regard, dogs can rely on their owners or loved ones for emotional support too. They need us like we need them. They may not be able to verbally tell us how much they love and appreciate us, but some signals like wagging their tails, licking your face, or cuddling up against you prove the mutual respect and love they have for you.

Our pets, no matter the breed, type of pet, or age, need us to survive. Beside the basics of feeding and caring, some pets have anxiety with other dogs, certain house appliances, certain people that visit, and more.

Even though adopting a pet might seem glamorous and loads of fun, which it is, there comes a heavy amount of personal and financial responsibility. For example, if an individual decides to adopt a puppy, they need to be aware of the training and the commitment needed to teach the dog right from wrong. Before making any decisions, be aware that time and money are things that should be considered.

In the end, pets need us like we need them. Ellie knows that she can count on me for belly rubs, to protect her from the occasional thunderstorm or fi rework show, and to provide love to her each and every day. As for me, Ellie knows when to comfort me when I am stressed or overwhelmed and greets me with kisses and licks any chance she can. During these times, Ellie has only made me a more active and happy human being. The more time I spend with her, the
happier I become. Ellie, thank you for bringing so much meaning to my life, I woof you!

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Dietitians View: Bitter is better

When asked about flavor profiles it is rare for folks to respond enthusiastically that they “love bitter.” Bitter is one of the basic tastes that our taste buds identify along with sweet, salty, and sour. An affi nity for bitter is infl uenced by several factors including taste experiences, culture, and environment.

Bitter plays two roles—it can signal toxins and something that is dangerous to consume and it can also serve as a stimulant for the appetite and as an aid in digestion. Bitter foods can protect against illness and contribute to good health.

Vegetables that you’ll fi nd on the bitter list include Arugula, Brussels sprouts, and Kale. Arugula has a peppery, somewhat mustardy flavor that has long been popular with Italians. It has become increasingly popular in the United States.

Most often it is served raw, however, arugula can be sautéed to serve as a cooked vegetable. It is low calorie and a good source of Vitamins A, C, K and folate. It also contains iron and calcium and is a good choice to provide plant-based iron in your diet.

This green is high in glucosinolates which de-toxify the body and fight cancer. It is also high in antioxidants which strengthen the immune system and can prevent damage to the body’s cells.

Brussels sprouts are a member of the cabbage family. They’re now trendy and are often prepared roasted, which brings out a sweeter somewhat nutty flavor. Roasting reduces the sulfurous odor and bitter taste which many people dislike. They are good for you. They are low in calories, provide protein and are high in Vitamins C and K. They also contain Vitamin A, B-vitamins, folate, potassium, and fiber. This vegetable also contains glucosinolates and antioxidants, and can aid in reducing cholesterol.

Kale fans love this popular bitter green. It appears throughout the supermarket from the fresh produce aisle, to deli-counter prepared salads, to the snack aisle as kale chips. Kale is low calorie, contains protein and fiber along with Vitamins A, C, and K. It also contains folate, phosphorus, potassium, and calcium. Kale contains a small amount of good fat—an omega-3 fatty acid.

Kale, however, can interfere with blood thinners due to the amount of Vitamin K it contains. It also can suppress thyroid function in some people.

Although we’ve focused on bitter, I also wanted to share info about a food we typically see at the end of the meal: Chocolate. Chocolate is produced from cocoa beans which are naturally bitter and astringent. The more cocoa solids the chocolate contains, the more bitter and astringent the chocolate flavor with higher antioxidant content. Cocoa beans are rich in plant nutrients called flavonoids.

The amount of cacao beans and flavanols can vary. Bittersweet or dark chocolate contains the most generous amounts from higher cacao content chocolate. Dark chocolate can help lower blood pressure and maintain healthy arteries that are relaxed and flexible, thus increasing blood flow.

This bitter sweet can have a positive effect on heart health, reduce insulin insensitivity and lower the risk of diabetes. Dark chocolate can also increase the feeling of fullness which can reduce cravings for sweet and salty foods.

I’ve just touched on a few bitter choices, remember it’s important to eat a variety of foods and be mindful of all things in moderation.

Take Away: Include bitter foods in your diet; they stimulate appetite and digestion, can protect against illness and are an aid to good health.

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Road Tripping in Florida

By Amy Martin

If you’ve ever had dreams of swinging high beneath the big top, or if
you’ve ever been bemused by circus-themed-historical-Americana,
look no further than our own backyard.

In 1884, five Ringling brothers launched their first circus in Baraboo,
Wisconsin. They traveled town to town, like many other small circuses,
using animal-drawn caravans. The circus grew, and shortly after their
debut, they were soon able to transport their circus by train, bringing
“oohs” and “ahhs” far and wide across the entire country.

The Ringling Bros. purchased the Barnum & Bailey Greatest Show
on Earth in 1907 and operated the circuses separately until 1919.
Combined in the 1930s, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus
became the largest and most renowned circus in the world.

The Ringling Estate in Sarasota is an homage to our American culture
— and to our adoration of thrill-seeking entertainment and amusement.

The property includes multiple sites of interest: The John and Mable
Ringling Museum of Art (the official state art museum of Florida),
Ringling’s mansion Ca’ d’Zan (Venetian for “House of John”), the
Circus Museum, the historic Asolo Theater, the Tibbals Learning
Center, the Ringling Art Library, Mable Ringling’s Rose Garden, the
Secret Garden, the Dwarf Garden, Bayfront Garden Tours, the FSU
Center for the Performing Arts, and the gravesites of John and Mable
Ringling.

The Ringling Estate encourages artists to use the grounds as an
inspirational space to make art, asking only that posted guidelines are
respected.

Just a hop, skip, and swing away from Parkland, you’ll be there in 3.25
hours.

While you’re visiting Sarasota, you may want to check out these
other electrifying acts:
Take a class and fly trapeze at the school of circus arts, and/or see a
show. https://circusarts.org/flyingtrapeze/
Drive one hour north of Sarasota to Gibsonton to visit the community
of retired circus and carnival performers.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gibsonton,_Florida

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Ask Dr. Renae: A quandary worthy of Solomon

Dear Dr. Renae,
I have been alternating weekly living with each parent since I have been five years old. My parents explained to me that the judge ordered this plan. The arrangement was one which I never questioned since it feels like it has always been that way. Lately, I have been wanting to have a different arrangement, but I am afraid of hurting the feelings of the parent I want to spend less time with. I also do not want to cause further problems between my divorced parents since they do not get along with each other. I am sure my bringing it up would cause more conflict, but it just doesn’t seem fair that I need to move back and forth each week just because they are no longer married! My friends are encouraging me to talk to my parents rather than waiting another year and a half when I go off to college. I can’t decide if it is worth the risk and I will regret bringing it up.

                                                                                                                                                    Torn at 17.

Dear Torn at 17,
Your parents love you so much and I’m confident they would want to make sure you are happy. If this is something you really think would be beneficial, I would suggest talking to one of your parents about it!! See what they think, and maybe you can come up with a good solution. Listen to your heart and do whatever makes you happiest! I feel that your parents will understand no matter which direction you go.
A Caring Friend

Dear Torn at 17,
It’s very difficult to move your entire life from one house to another every week or so. Your feelings of wanting to spend more time in one house are very valid; everyone deserves to settle down in one place because it helps keep you stable. I believe that if you bring it up in a non-emotional way then your parents may be okay with the change. Tell them that you want to spend more time in one house rather than with one parent. You’re not preferring one parent or the other, you just want to feel settled down and constantly moving is not helpful. I wish you all the best and I hope everything works out.                                                    A High School Senior

Dear Torn at 17,
I always believe communication is key, and I think it is of the utmost importance in your situation. I understand that you are leaving in a year and a half, but your feelings in the present are just as valuable. Every party involved is mature and so you should not be afraid of having conflict. Compromise and discussion are important to have, so I advise having a meeting with your parents whenever everyone is available. I hope everything goes well for you.
Your Fellow Teen

Dear Torn at 17,
I suggest that you consider the time you cherish with each parent outside of the location where you sleep. Your parents will value more time with you in specific activities you enjoy with each of them. You might request a weekly dinner night, movie night, day trip, or time engaged in a shared hobby. Explain to your parents that the time you spend alone in your room, sleeping in your bed under their roof is not the important part of their parenting. If you pair your request for sleeping nightly in the same home with spending more quality time together engaged in enjoyable activities, you will be closer to meeting the needs of the parent whose home you would not be sleeping. Focus your conversation on enjoying the relationship with each parent for now and the long- term future. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself is not emotionally healthy and detracts from the honest relationship you hope to have with your parents. You are in a position to determine the type of communication YOU have with each parent, not the relationship they have with each other. The conflict they have with each other is not your fault, nor are you able to control it. I hope they appreciate your honesty and recognize your efforts to improve YOUR relationship with them. Your parents are so lucky to have you as their child!
Dr. Renae

 

TEENS: Curious as to what other teens would say? If you have a question or problem you would like to present to other teens, please email: askdrrenae@att.net and include your age, grade, and gender you identify with. All questions are published anonymously and your identity and contact information will be kept confidential.

PARENTS OF TEENS: Would you like to anonymously and confidentially ask the panel of teen Peer Counseling Writers to comment on a parenting issue you are struggling with? If you are ready for a variety of honest opinions from real teens, please address your questions to askdrrenae@att.net.

Dr. Renae Lapin, a licensed marriage and family therapist with 40 years experience, currently maintains a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. For more information about Dr. Renae and her practice, visit her website:

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Archery and the awakened self… really!

By Amy Martin

When we think of meditation, we typically think of sitting still, perhaps in a candlelit space, with an abundance of silence, while quieting the mind. When we think of activities and sports that elicit a similar mental focus and meditative effect, we tend to think of more popular sports such as golfing or fishing, or even the more fashionable East Asian influences of t’ai chi and yoga.

Infrequently do we think about archery. Archery has a long history, practiced for thousands of years. We know that ancient Egyptians were among the first to regularly utilize archery in 3000 B.C.E. for hunting and warfare.

However, the oldest remnants of bone and stone arrowheads have been located in South Africa dating back 60,000-70,000 years. Originally devised across cultures as a tool for survival, upon the discovery of gunpowder in 9th-century China and the creation of fi rearms in 10th-century China, archery had become relatively dispensable and obsolete.

Luckily, by the late 18th-century, archery found an enthusiastic revival among the aristocracy and nobility as recreation and sport. In 1879, the National Archery Association of the United States was founded. Today we know this organization as USA Archery, and it is recognized by the United States Olympic & Paralympic Committee.

While archery has evolved and taken many forms throughout the centuries, with many varying intentions — we rarely think about archery as an art form — let alone a meditative practice.

However, dismissing archery as anything but, does a great disservice to this masterful skill, and to the archer, or the artist, herself. There is a great gift to be found in this centuries-old art form, and you may discover that gift within yourself.

My first experiences with archery began as a child with my father and brother. We would travel all over Northern New Jersey in search of outdoor wooded ranges, with our brown bag lunches and moderately-worn gear in tow.

I’ll never forget receiving my first bow (a Bear compound bow, which I still have), feverishly running down the street of my suburban hometown with the bow string drawn, perhaps alarming the neighborhood, thrilled to show my friends. I knew I loved archery from the very beginning.

But as the years went by, I had forgotten about my beloved pastime.

Much later, while in college studying for my philosophy degree, I stumbled upon “Zen in the Art of Archery,” by Eugen Herrigel, a German philosopher who traveled to Japan to study the art, and the practice, of attaining a state of zen through archery.

Much like the revitalization in the 18th-century, for me, archery was discovered once again. I had already been practicing meditation and yoga for years, and I found that my love of archery was still very ever-present.

This simple and profound text had suddenly awakened my spirit, reinvigorated my passion, and taught me valuable lessons about the significance of an awakened self, focused breathwork, achieving a meditative state where all else disappears, and performing complex movements with unconscious control from the mind.

Great archery masters know that where you place your feet, how you maintain your posture, where you hold the bow, and how you breathe when you release the arrow are all determining factors of your end result. The bow itself is a limb, an extension of the archer herself. The breathwork is the lifeforce behind each action.

Nowadays, when I feel particularly stressed, or otherwise not myself, I find myself at the range. Yes, I would say, on those days, I literally find myself there.

If you would like to learn more about attaining your state of zen through the art of archery, visit these websites for local information:

Fort Lauderdale Archers, a private membership club – BYOBow
https://www.fortlauderdalearchers.com/

Go Archery, mobile archery lessons – https://goarchery.net/

Markham Park, outdoor range – BYOBow https://www.broward.org/

Parks/ThingsToDo/Pages/MarkhamParkArcheryRange.aspx

Bass Pro Shops, indoor range – BYOBow https://basspro.com

For my Dad. Thank you.

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