Autism awareness has grown significantly over the years, but misconceptions persist—misconceptions that often do more harm than good. Many people mistakenly believe that behaviors such as aggression, elopement (running away), or inappropriate touching are inherent to autism. Others believe that children on the spectrum must be shielded from discomfort rather than taught how to handle real-world challenges.
These ideas are not just wrong—they can prevent children from developing the skills they need to succeed. Autism is a spectrum of traits, but it is not an excuse for inappropriate behavior, nor a reason to avoid necessary challenges. The focus should be on teaching, adapting, and reinforcing accountability, not on allowing harmful behaviors or reinforcing sensitivities through over-accommodation.
Misconception 1: Everyone is “somewhere on the spectrum”
Many believe that autism exists on a linear scale, with individuals falling somewhere between “mild” and “severe.” The reality is that autism is a collection of traits that everyone exhibits to varying degrees—but simply having some traits does not mean someone is autistic.
For example, some people—both autistic and neurotypical—may do the following:
- Struggle with social cues and understanding personal space.
- Prefer routine and predictability over change.
- Have sensory sensitivities (e.g., loud noises, strong smells, certain textures).
- Experience intense focus on specific interests.
The difference is that for individuals diagnosed with autism, these traits become so extreme that they interfere with daily functioning—affecting communication, independence, and relationships. Simply having traits that overlap with autism does not mean that a person is autistic.
This distinction is important because it shifts the focus from labeling individuals as “on” or “off” the spectrum to identifying specific challenges and providing appropriate support.
Misconception 2: Aggression, elopement, and inappropriate touching are part of autism
One of the most damaging myths about autism is that behaviors like aggression, running away (elopement), and inappropriate touching are symptoms of autism itself. This is false.
- Autism does not cause aggression.
- Autism does not cause a child to run away.
- Autism does not cause inappropriate touching.
These behaviors occur because of a lack of boundaries, structure, or consequences, not because of autism. When neurotypical children hit, touch people inappropriately, or run away, they are corrected and disciplined. However, when an autistic child exhibits these behaviors, many parents and educators wrongly excuse it, saying such things as “He can’t help it—he’s autistic”; “She doesn’t understand—she’s on the spectrum”; or “There’s nothing we can do.”
This excuse-based mindset allows these behaviors to continue unchecked. Instead of reinforcing self-regulation, accountability, and appropriate alternatives, it sends the message that autistic children cannot control their actions—which is not true.
Misconception 3: Sensory sensitivities should be avoided, not overcome
Another damaging belief is that children on the spectrum should be shielded from any discomfort rather than taught how to handle real-world challenges. Over-accommodation reinforces sensitivities, rather than helping a child adapt.
Every baby is startled by loud noises and unexpected sounds. A child on the spectrum may have a more extreme reaction, but the brain is capable of desensitization through repeated exposure. The key is gradual, controlled desensitization—not avoidance.
Real-Life Example: Desensitization vs. Accommodation
One child struggled with the loud sounds of a car wash and public restroom toilets. Instead of avoiding those situations:
- Her mother took her through the car wash repeatedly until she no longer cried.
- Her father spent hours in public restrooms flushing toilets until she no longer reacted.
Some may view this as punitive, but it was actually a critical step toward her functioning in the real world. Had the parents avoided car washes and public restrooms, she would have continued to experience severe distress whenever faced with those unavoidable noises. Instead, through consistent exposure, her brain adapted.
Why Over-Accommodation Is Harmful
Many parents immediately remove the triggers (using noise-canceling headphones, avoiding public places, limiting activities). While this may seem helpful in the short term, it reinforces avoidance behavior and makes the world feel even more overwhelming as the child grows older.
- If a child is never taught how to handle loud environments, they may struggle with shopping malls, airports, movie theaters, and concerts.
- If a child is always given special accommodations instead of learning coping strategies, they may struggle with workplace expectations and social relationships in adulthood.
The goal of early intervention should be helping children adjust to the world, not reshaping the world to eliminate every challenge.
The Key to Success: Accountability and Exposure, Not Excuses
Autism affects each individual differently, and some children require extra instruction and reinforcement to develop social and emotional regulation. However, this does not mean they are incapable of following rules or learning to cope with discomfort.
- Aggression should be addressed through emotional regulation strategies, communication alternatives, and immediate consequences.
- Elopement should be handled with structured transitions, visual schedules, and direct instruction on safety awareness.
- Inappropriate touching should be corrected with clear social skills training and reinforcement of personal boundaries.
If a child acts out, the behavior should not be excused—it should be corrected and replaced with an appropriate alternative
Final Thought: The Goal Is Independence, Not Excuses
True autism awareness isn’t about labeling behaviors as part of a diagnosis—it’s about recognizing that every child is capable of learning, growing, and improving when given the right tools.
By shifting the conversation away from excuses and avoidance and toward structured teaching, self-regulation, and accountability, children on the spectrum are given the best chance for success—not just in school, but in life.
Dr. Lance Fein is the executive director of AEF Schools. AEF helps students build the skills they need to thrive academically and in life. With a curriculum designed to enhance cognitive, social, and life skills, AEF goes beyond academics to ensure that each student gains the confidence and independence needed for long-term success. To learn more, visit www.aefschools.com