Author: Dr. Renae Lapin

Dear Dr. Renae,

My parents think I am too young to know that I am bisexual, believing that I have been influenced by my friends. I became aware of who I am when I was 12 and am quite comfortable with myself. Efforts to educate my parents about this have only frustrated me more. They do not take it seriously and feel like it is a phase I will outgrow. I know they love me but it is hard to relate to them when they do not accept who I am. How can I help them understand?

15, Bi and Proud

Hey Bi and Proud,

Oh boy, can I relate. I’m also 15 and I’m very sure I’m asexual, which means I don’t feel sexual attraction, and possibly aromantic, in which I don’t feel romantic attraction. When I bring these topics up to my parents, they usually get uncomfortable and try to tell me that I’ll want to have sex later in my life, that I’m too young to know, etc. I want you to know that while your parents may not believe you to truly be bi, it’s your own opinion that matters. Perhaps you should bring these concerns up to your parents and explain how they make you feel. Tell them the difficulty you’re having and how their misunderstanding is hurting you. At the end of the day, remember that you need to feel happy with who you are.

Asexual and proud

Dear 15, Bi and Proud,

I know how hard it is when the people who are supposed to be your number one go-to don’t understand who you are. You have to remember they grew up in different times than us. Our generation is more open and liberal about things such as the LGBT+ community, which they might not get. I would say  you should probably sit your parents down and have a serious discussion with them, explain how you feel and identify yourself. You have to emphasize that this is who you are, and not something you’ll outgrow. If anything, they’ll come around eventually.

17, once in your shoes

Dear 15, Bi and Proud,

As a teenager you go through a lot of changes and start to figure yourself out so it’s normal that your parents might need some time to adjust. This is probably big news for them. If you know bisexual friends whose parents are accepting, they can educate your parents a little more about becoming more accepting. Stand up for yourself. Make them aware that nothing can change the way you feel and keep on educating them about bisexuality. Eventually they will be able to understand your sexuality, but in the meantime stay true to yourself and don’t let anyone change who you are. What’s most important is that you have accepted yourself and you are happy with who you are.

A caring friend

Dear 15, Bi and Proud,

To begin, you know yourself and who you are. Since your parents don’t take you seriously, have you tried reaching out to another family member? Possibly an aunt, a cousin, trusted adult, or a grandparent? Explain to your parents that you understand people are easily influenced in this generation by the LGBT community. Also, help them understand that you are happy and it would mean the world to you if they would accept you. Tell them you want to include them in other areas of your life as you continue to grow in your journey. In the end, be open, proud, and true to who you are.

A trusted friend

Dear 15, Bi and Proud,

It is possible that your parents are hoping that your being bisexual is a phase, as they are uncomfortable with seeing you differently than they expected. There are several organizations which provide support to the LGBTQ community and their families. Both Sunserve (www.sunserve.org) and the YES Institute (wwww.yesinstitute.org) offer excellent parent resources. You might also find support at your school’s GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) club. Your pediatrician could be a voice your parents respect. Researchers have found a higher incidence of depression and suicide within the LGBTQ community, especially with teens who are rejected by their family. It will be very important for you to establish a lot of support in your life if your parents do not eventually offer you their unconditional acceptance. The Broward County School Board’s Family Counseling Program (754-321-1590) offers free, confidential services with licensed therapists with locations at almost every high school in the district. In the future, when you develop a serious attraction or establish a romantic relationship with someone of the same sex, it will be time to talk with your parents further. In the meantime, I recommend that you focus on other aspects of yourself when communicating with your parents. Do your best to keep lines of communication open. You have a lifetime ahead of you.

Dr. Renae

 

Dear Dr. Renae,

I developed a strong bond with my martial arts coaches after my dad died when I was very young. My mom and other relatives have given me an amazing life and I consider my coaches family. Now that my mom is getting ready to marry a great guy, they are talking about moving out-of-state in the future for a lower cost of living. For many years, I have looked forward to working with my coaches when I enter high school and can’t imagine them in my life not being in my life. They have been my rock, my security, and helped me through tough times. My mom says that I will adjust, but all I feel is a deep sense of loss at even the thought of moving. How can I look forward to high school when my future seems uncertain?

Crying my eyes out

Dear Crying My Eyes Out,

Moving is very difficult when you have to leave behind so many important people. However, when you move to this new place, you’ll meet new people and it could turn out to be a great experience. It’ll be hard leaving your coaches and everyone behind, but with today’s technology, it could be as if you never left. You could FaceTime, call, and text to keep in touch and keep up the strong family-like bond you have.

A friend

Dear Crying My Eyes Out,

I’m so sorry that you are not as excited as your mom and her boyfriend to move. I think that even though you feel a great loss, you can still keep in touch with the coaches thanks to technology. You’re very lucky to have had such great coaches Just because you’re moving, doesn’t mean you’re not able to still maintain a relationship with them. Even though you have hesitation about going to high school, things will be OK because you have a very good attitude and seem optimistic.

Fourteen-year-old who also does martial arts

Dear Crying My Eyes Out,

Thank you for sharing your story – it really touched my heart. If you have such a strong connection to your martial arts coaches, I’m sure that won’t change when you move. I am confident that you will be able to keep in touch with them and share your progress as time goes on. It seems you can’t do much to change the moving situation, but at the same time, you like the guy your mom is going to marry. That’s a huge plus. Maybe you can make an agreement with your mom that she’ll let you come back and visit during the summer. Your coaches might be even be able to give you an assistant job or internship. Stay focused on the positive, and I’m sure you’ll feel better.

A Caring Friend

Dear Crying My Eyes Out,

Change is always difficult, especially if you are surrounded by people who have given you support and comfort during the difficult times. However, change can be easier if you express your concern to those close to you. Talk to you mother and her fiancé about how your feel. You can also discuss the move and how you feel with your coaches. This could help put you at ease. Just because you might move in the future doesn’t mean your coaches have to be completely out of your life. Keep in touch and tell them how aid you are doing can help with the process of change and your thoughts of uncertainty.

Your friend

Dear Crying My Eyes Out,

It’s completely natural to worry about what this new place will be like. Try to think positively about the fact that from moving you will get a new landscape, new experiences, and new people to meet. Talk to your parents and maybe you could even have a say as to where you are moving to make sure you like the school. It’s easy to make new friends and relationships when you get involved in extracurricular activities and you never know, maybe there could be another martial arts place that you will like where you are moving. Remember that you are not alone and technology makes it so easy to keep in touch with people over long distances. It also sounds like you have a great future stepfather so this will give you a chance for your relationship with him to get stronger.

A Caring Friend

Dear Crying My Eyes Out,

It sounds like you have a very caring mother who has always found a way to give the best possible life for you, despite not having a father in your day-to-day life. Trust that your mom has continued to put your needs first by researching everything about the move before deciding what is best for you and the family. She sees a positive future for you in your new community, even better than what you envision in your current community. By maintaining close ties with your coaches and nurturing new relationships, you will increase your support as you enter high school. Having an impressive skill in martial arts will help you to meet friends who share your interest and gain admiration and respect from peers and adults in your new community. You might find it very rewarding to share your daily life experiences with your new stepdad as well. Your life will be different, however, it sounds like it could be even better.

Dr. Renae

 

Dear Dr. Renae,

I feel very uncomfortable remaining friends with a long-term close friend of mine. She continues to be good friends with a group of people who betrayed me. I was blamed for things that were not my fault and was then ignored and abandoned. It was hurtful and I was devastated by this experience. My close friend has been there for me for three years and it is very difficult for me to make new friends. I find myself having trouble trusting her. How should I handle this?

Confused 17-year-old

Dear Confused,

It’s sad but true, you often see situations like this among petty and dramatic high school girls. I get that it’s hard to stay friends with someone who’s other friends betrayed and hurt you. You do have to understand that while it was wrong of them to treat you this way, they didn’t do any wrong to your friend so she has no reason to resent them. I think the best way to handle any high school drama is to talk to her. Talking out a situation is always the best option to avoid anyone’s feelings being further damaged. Tell her how you feel about her remaining close with those who hurt you. The only way she will understand and be able to change her behaviors will be making her aware of how you feel.

A True Friend

Dear Confused,

I understand where you are coming from. It’s hard to continue trusting people after others have betrayed you. You can’t expect her to stop being friends with them over something they did to you. It’s not fair to expect that of her since they never did anything to her. You can try to get your old friends back if you really want to be friends with them again. You would have to trust them and they would have to trust you. Since this friend is still friends with those who betrayed you, keep your eyes open and be careful with what you say and do. I do think you should continue to be friends with her though. She hasn’t fully picked your side or fully picked their side, so she may actually have a good point of view of the situation and see the good and the bad of both sides.

A Trusting Friend

Dear Confused,

If you’re feeling like you can’t trust your friend, then something needs to change. A friendship without trust is an unhealthy friendship. This doesn’t mean that you need to stop talking to your friend altogether, but you should definitely distance yourself, at least for the time being. Talk to your friend about the things she did that upset you and tell her that you think it’s time for a break. In the meantime, try putting yourself out there to make other friends. I know it is difficult, but it’ll be beneficial in the long run. Sit next to new people at the lunch table. Join a new after-school club. Do what you can to start mingling with a different crowd. Chances are, you’ll find your niche. If after a while you’re willing to give the relationship with your friend another shot, go ahead. But if you do, you’ll be in control of where the friendship is headed. You won’t let yourself be hurt again, and that’s what really counts. Best of luck!

A Caring Teen

Dear Confused,

I would talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. You could also talk to the group of girls and tell them how you feel, and ask if you can start over. I’m sure your friend will understand if she is a true friend. A true friend is someone who sticks by your side and doesn’t betray you. You might need to evaluate how close of a friend she is and how much she means to you. I think it is hard to let go of friends but you must value yourself and your worth. Try seeking new loyal friendships from activities, sports, or hobbies.

Been There Done That

Dear Confused,

Like you, I have a lot of trouble making new friends too. I recently found myself relying on one friend and need to branch out more. What I recommend is that you take a step out of your comfort zone (easier said than done, I know) and find someone else before you break it off with your other friend. I’m sorry for the misfortunes that have come your way and I hope you find new friends that won’t hurt you.

Someone Who Cares

Dear Confused,

Issues can’t ever get resolved if they aren’t aired. It is possible your friend is not at all aware of how you feel about her group of friends? Even if she is, make sure to talk to her, find a good time and place for just the two of you. Really let all your feelings out. If she doesn’t seem to change her ways and you still have trouble trusting her then it’s time to try to make some new friends. I would suggest joining a club, youth group, band, choir, or even take part in a team sport. Whatever you find interesting or you are good at would be ideal. Once you find something that you really like to do, there will always be people with common interests. Spending time with other people doing things you like is a great way to make friends. Even for a bit try to distance yourself from the negativity and have fun.

A Friend

Dear Confused,

It is normal to feel uncomfortable to interact with friends who are friendly with those who have wronged you, especially if it is a good friend. While you can’t control who people are friends with, you should take into consideration that she is a close, long-time friend of yours. If you are as close as you have stated, it might be good to tell her how you truly feel about the situation. Making your friend aware of how you feel is a good place to start. Talking it out and discussing the predicament you feel that you face may ease your worry. Thus, you won’t have to sacrifice your friendship.

Been Here Before 

Dear Confused 17-year-old,

Friendships often have similar complications in adulthood as well as between family members and in the workplace. Your parents might understand how you feel and are a valuable resource based on their own experiences. Being caught in the middle with conflicting loyalties is likely making your good friend feel uncomfortable as well. Do you find that spending time with her is difficult to enjoy as you are continually distracted by your memories of feeling abandoned by her current friends? If so, you can let your friend know that it is your problem to continue to work on. Do you find yourself suspicious of your friend’s loyalty to you, constantly worrying if she is judging you or sharing information about you with the others? If so, that is a relationship issue for the two of you to discuss. It is certainly tricky, but very possible for you to continue to enjoy your relationship with your valued friend. It will take much effort and intention, however, you can also learn to minimize your hurt memories by focusing on the positive aspects of your current life as well as your exciting future. If over time, these memories are still haunting you, a therapist can help you in putting this aspect of your life in perspective so it will not interfere with your future relationships. It will be well worth the effort!

Dr. Renae

Dear Dr. Renae,

My parents are always encouraging me to include their friend’s daughter when I get together with my group of friends, even though she really does not fit in. It is awkward and uncomfortable expecting my friends to like her. Being in the middle is a big responsibility and I wind up feeling anxious instead of having fun. She is nice sometimes but other times obnoxious, which is why she does not have many friends. I don’t like arguing with my parents about this but it is not fair to me and they do not understand the social pressures with girls my age. How can I get them to see it from my side? Don’t I get to pick my own friends?

Frustrated 7th grade girl

 

Dear frustrated 7th grade girl,

It’s sometimes hard to be inclusive, especially if you’re being told to do so. It might help to open up communication with your parents. Let them know of your anxiousness when you are hanging out together as a group. It may even help to have your friends included in this conversation sharing the awkwardness you feel. However, talking to your parents isn’t your only option. It’s not every day you must hang out with her or include her in your plans. When you are together it might also be beneficial to talk to your friend about your feelings, and perhaps you can solve the problem without parental intervention.

Been in your position before

 

Dear frustrated seventh grade girl,

I think that just because someone doesn’t necessarily fit in with “your group” doesn’t mean they’re not worthy of having friends. I understand it can be awkward though and you would prefer spending time with your own friends. Perhaps, you can spend time with her individually opposed to with your group of friends, so that it won’t put your friends on the spot to like her and spend time with her as well. I think that your parents must make sacrifices for you and you might have to do something (not so fun) so they can have friends too. It is also a good idea to communicate your side of the story to your parents. You want to have fun and be a seventh grader without being held back by doing something your not comfortable with- I’m sure they’ll understand. Maybe you can make a deal that you’ll spend time with her once a week or something of that sort.

13 year old friend

 

Dear Frustrated 7th grade girl,

You’re in a sticky situation and you are absolutely right when you say that you have the right to pick your own friends. At the same time, it’s important that you recognize that your parents mean well. They want to make sure their friend’s daughter has people to talk to and hang out with. Have you tried sitting down with your parents for a calm conversation? Instead of getting frustrated whenever your parents tell you to invite this girl, explain why it isn’t a good idea for the girl herself and they would probably be more receptive to your opinion. Try telling them that she does not fit in with your other friends, and inviting her to your hangouts just makes things awkward for her. If your parents understood this, they would likely be less insistent upon you inviting this girl to your get-togethers. At the same time, that’s not to say that you should drop the girl altogether. The best thing to do would be to find a time to invite her over when you’re not with your other friends. Granted, this will likely be harder for you, as she will be the only person to talk to, but you will remove the anxiety of her not fitting in. Even if you’re not thrilled at the idea of continuing to invite this girl over, think about what it must be like to be in her place and you will be more willing to do her a kindness and hang out with her.

A caring teen

 

Dear Frustrated 7th grade girl,

I have experienced something similar to this as well when I was younger, so I totally get where you’re coming from. You mentioned that your parents don’t see this from your point of view. Unfortunately, talking to them I think is the only way you can fix this situation. Its possible that the conversation you had with your parents was approached the wrong way. You should try a civil, sympathetic approach. Nothing too harsh to make you seem like the bad guy. Try to get them to sympathize with you and understand where you’re coming from. Explain how its not fun for anyone, especially the girl, if she doesn’t fit in and all of you are forced to hang out with each other. I’m sure she can tell that you all don’t like her very much, which would be very hurtful for her. It may be best for you to go your separate ways for both parties involved.

An understanding 16 year old girl

 

Dear Frustrated 7th grade girl,

I totally understand your situation. It’s hard to bring in a new person to a friend group after everyone is already close with each other. Let your friends know to try and welcome her into the group and plan a fun event with everyone to try and bring them all together. If that doesn’t seem to work, it might be best to hang out with the girl separately from your friends. You never know, she could actually be a really great person. Maybe something like a movie or going out to dinner could strengthen your friendship with her. Talk to your parents and tell them honestly how you feel with her in your friend group and they should understand.

A caring friend

 

Dear Frustrated 7th Grade Girl,

The social pressures with girls your age, as well as Elementary and High school have contributed to depression, anxiety and even suicide. Many adults today have shared how traumatic their social relationships were and the negative ways it has impacted their lives. Being kind to someone who does not fit in can truly be life saving. Over time, that kindness from you as well as your friends, may help to inspire this friend to feel more comfortable with herself and be more kind to others in return. There might be problems this girl is experiencing which contribute to her social awkwardness. You are right in feeling that it is a big responsibility and uncomfortable to be in charge of helping someone to fit in. I suggest that you invite this girl to get togethers which you host or plan. This invite must be sincere from your heart as no one appreciates being pitied. Select the kindest members of your group and ask them to assist you in making this other girl feel more comfortable. Your parents will be heartened by your efforts. Knowing that you treated others kindly will feel joyful in your own heart. You will not regret it.

Dr. Renae

 

Dear Dr. Renae,

My father remarried a woman with a daughter my age and his new wife and stepdaughter have moved into our home where I live part-time with my dad. My new stepsister and I are very different but are respectful to each other and get along fine. The home is small so we are now sharing the bedroom, which I had to myself. Naturally, my stepsister has put up posters of her favorite bands, and I no longer feel at home in my own space. My father is very happy and my new stepmother is nice to me so I do not want to upset the family by bringing it up. My space is very important to me. Am I being selfish to want my own room?

Needing Alone Time 13-Year-Old

 

Hello Needing Alone Time 13-Year-Old,

Transitioning will definitely take some time. It’s normal to feel like you are losing your own space. Though you feel like it would be upsetting to bring up your feelings, it just might be the opposite. Talking to your father is a good way to bring to his attention to the emotions you have about this new living arrangement. Since you mentioned you have a respectful relationship with your stepmother and stepsister, it would also help to have them included in the conversation too. This way the four of you can come up with solutions together to help make the proper adjustments and make sure you continue to feel at home.

Your friend

Dear Needing Alone Time 13-Year-Old,

You are definitely not being selfish wanting a space where you feel comfortable. In fact, from the way you phrased your question, I can tell that you’re approaching this from a very mature and respectful point of view, and you should be commended for that. While asking for your own room might be an impractical request depending on how much room you have in your house, perhaps you and your new stepsister can work out a system to divide the space you do have so both of you are happy. For example, you could agree on leaving two of the four walls bare, and then you can ech decorate one wall. You could also go out and choose new linens that both of you like — not only would that assure that both of you feel comfortable in the room, but it would also probably be a great bonding experience. The last suggestion I’ll make is to give it time. This is all very new and chances are that as more time passes, you’ll become more accustomed to the new people and elements in your life. At the same time, though, remember you have the right to be comfortable, so take the necessary steps to make sure you are at home in your space.

A Caring Friend

 

Dear Needing Time Alone 13-Year-Old,

It’s OK to feel selfish but it sounds like your situation won’t change because it works for everyone. You can try to make your side of the room fit your personality, but realize that your stepsister will do the same. You are being a good sport by putting up with it and I’m sure your father really appreciates that. Try bonding with your stepsister and get to know each other more too.

A Caring Friend

 

Dear Needing Time Alone 13-Year-Old,

It is not selfish to want your own room. Change is a very difficult thing to cope with. Adjusting to new people when it used to be you and your father cannot be easy. You should try getting to know your stepsister better. It may help you feel more at home. If you two got along, it would make sharing a room fun. Needing and wanting your own space is a normal thing, but unfortunately, your own room doesn’t seem to be an option. The best way to deal with this situation is to have a more positive mindset and focus on making it better and not wishing it was different.

Your Friend

 

Dear Needing Time Alone 13-Year-Old,

Your dad probably didn’t think a discussion was necessary since you and his new wife and stepdaughter get along well. There might be other issues to address besides room sharing. I suggest that you ask that all four of you have a family meeting where you can discuss everyone’s issues about their adjustment to the changes. Serve a fun snack and plan on a family movie or outing after the meeting. Make sure the positives are discussed as well as the concerns. You might be surprised to learn that other family members have issues adjusting to the changes too. If the first meeting works out well, it can be a regular family event. The honest communication you share early on will set the tone for future communication within your family.

Dr. Renae

Dear Dr. Renae,

I have decided to become vegetarian after many months of consideration. Since I am still living at home and do not have a job, I am concerned about the additional expense for my family since we struggle financially. My mom is supportive but I also know she cannot afford a larger grocery bill. It is hard to eat healthy on a small budget. How can I ease the burden?

Health Conscience 14 year old

Dear Health Conscious,

One way you can help support your family and your budget is to try getting a job tutoring, babysitting, or something part time. It might not be a lot, but it can contribute to your new lifestyle. Another option may be to sell used items such as books, clothes, and toys to make a little extra. I hope this gave you some ideas. Communication is also very important. Talk to your parents, tell them your concerns and ask how you can help.

Your friend

 

Dear Health Conscious,

First of all, I commend you for not only making a big life decision on your own, but also for being mature enough to realize its consequences on your family. One suggestion would be to try buying things in bulk. Perhaps that means you’ll have a smaller variety of fruits and vegetables, but you’ll still be eating according to your dietary preferences and the cost will be cheaper. I know that produce like apples and baby carrots are sold in larger quantities, as well as certain non-perishables like peanut butter. It’s great that your mom is supportive of your decision. Tell her how you plan to minimize grocery costs, and ask her if she has any additional suggestions. If at any point there is a problem, tell her she can address it with you at any time. You should be very proud of yourself.

A Caring Teen

 

Dear Health Conscience,

To begin, it’s great that you decided to do that for yourself. It’s very respectable that you thought about your family’s financial issues. I advise you to look up some vegetarian recipes that sound good to you and ask your mom to help you budget your food expenses. Have her set a certain amount of money and incorporate it into your family’s diet. For example, something like rice and beans can be eaten by your whole family and is inexpensive, as well as vegetables and pasta. Good luck with your new healthy lifestyle decision.

Your supportive friend

 

Dear Health Conscious,

I admire your decision to become a vegetarian. While it is a healthy and ethical choice, it can be expensive. Since you are still living at home, I suggest you start by being creative in your own pantry and refrigerator with what your family affords. However, to widen your selections, it may be helpful for you to get a part-time job. You could generate income within your own neighborhood by baby- or pet-sitting or dog walking to ease the financial burden you feel.

Your fellow Health Nut

 

Dear Health Conscious,

I know that whenever my mom goes grocery shopping, she always has her coupon book handy. The best thing is that you can find them online. If you are looking to save money, coupons are definitely the way to go. In addition to that, several local grocery stores have a reputation for low priced high quality organic foods. You could even start growing some of your own vegetables.

A Kind Friend

Dear Health Conscious,

Many adults who eat a vegetarian diet began in their teen years and maintain a lifelong commitment. In addition, you may wish to establish other healthy habits such as daily exercise and maintaining enough restful nighttime sleep. Being vegetarian does not necessarily equate to organic or healthy choices. There are different types of vegetarian diets, depending upon your choice to eliminate seafood, eggs, and dairy products as well as animal products. Some vegetarians also avoid leather shoes, belts, and handbags. There are nutritional education programs available online and in your community to help you establish a healthy, well balanced diet, which includes all your required nutrients. Some resources are your doctor, your school health or PE teacher, the public library, and local health food stores. Check your medical insurance to see if they will pay for visits to a nutritionist. Once you become educated about a well balanced diet, locating affordable food choices will be much simpler. You might find that the cost is the same or less than a diet which includes animal products.

Dr. Renae

 

 

Dear Dr. Renae,

My mother is very upset with me because I sent a video to my friends on Snapchat – it was only my face and collarbones in the shower. My friends and I have an inside joke about how annoying it is to have our make-up smudged when we shower. Why was this wrong?

15-year-old Sophomore

Dear 15 Year Old Sophomore,

First, kudos to you for wanting to know where you went wrong. Most teens would just automatically assume that their mom is in the wrong. Personally, I don’t think the video itself is a big deal, but I understand where your mom is coming from. A person is not dressed when they’re in the shower, so it is not an appropriate time to take a video, even if that video doesn’t show anything. Your mom is looking out for you – she’s protecting you from what other people might think when they see a video of you in the shower. Even if that video only went to your friends, once you put something on social media, you don’t know where it may end up. In the future, ask your mom what she deems proper and what she doesn’t.

A Thoughtful Teen

 

Dear 15-year-old Sophomore,

Your mom probably feels that it is inappropriate to send any photos no matter what if it’s of you in the shower. Although you may disagree with her advice, she is coming from a good place to protect you. Perhaps you should apologize to your mom and tell her you won’t do it again so she will be able to trust you. You have to respect your mom’s decision because she wants what’s best for you.

Your Friend

Dear 15-year-old Sophomore,

I can see why your mother was upset. Although you said the video was only showing your collarbones and your face in the shower, you should not be sending videos in the shower when you have no clothing on. Something could’ve happened to it, you could have sent it to the wrong person, or someone could have screenshot it from another device and sent it to other people. Also, it is possible that other people could have seen it on your friend’s phone when she opened it. Always think about what you are sending before you send it, especially on Snapchat.

A Caring Friend

 

Dear 15-year-old Sophomore,

Knowing you are willing to take videos of yourself naked, even if nothing private is showing may encourage someone with bad intentions to pressure you into posting more. Even if you are sure that you would never do that, it is unsafe to post something that would attract those who wish you harm. It advertises to others that you are naive and vulnerable. There is always  inherent risk when posting anything on the Internet, even innocent photos and videos. I recommend you learn from your mistake and ask your mother or a trusted adult to help you come up with a list of what is acceptable and safe to post. Bathroom, shower, partial nudity or revealing clothing will not be on the list. You can still have fun while staying safe.

Dr. Renae

 

Dear Dr. Renae,

I am very nervous and uncomfortable to ask my teachers questions about a grade or an assignment. They always seem so busy and stressed out. I feel like I am bothering them and they do not have the time for me. Sometimes when I hand in an assignment, it does not get posted on my grades. I can tell my parents are not sure whether to believe me that I completed it and handed it in. When I am absent I feel too anxious to approach my teachers about making up a test or a lab and I wind up with a zero. My grades are lower than they should be, but how can I approach my teachers without getting them angry and upsetting them?

Fearful Freshman

 

Dear Fearful Freshmen,

Boy do I understand your predicament. Let me be blunt: you won’t be bothering your teachers if you ask them anything. In fact, your teachers would probably be overjoyed if you ask them a question. It’s their job to help you, and yes, while you don’t want to add to their workload, a simple question and a reminder would help. I’m the same way, so just swallow the weird, guilty feeling and ask. Your grades shouldn’t suffer due to fear of teachers. Being a freshman is very tough, but hurdles like these help us grow. Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes before, just speak out.

A Sympathetic Friend

 

Dear Fearful Freshman:

As a first year high school student you might feel like a small fish in a big pond and it’s easy to get overwhelmed. However, you should know that even though your teachers might be busy, they are also working hard to make sure their students benefit from their class. You should take the time to explain why you are anxious and ask about your assignments and the zeroes reflected in your grades. This will help open communication between you and your teachers. In doing so, it will make it easier for you to talk to them when a problem does come up and reassure your parents you are doing the work required of you.

Your friend

Dear Fearful Freshman,

There is nothing to be afraid of. Teachers are there for you to ask questions. They love when students are involved. Don’t let your grades suffer because of how anxious you get. It will only make the teachers assume you don’t care about your grades. Your teachers are there to help you. They are often stressed and busy, but they always have time for their students and will never get mad at a student who cares. It may help to tell your parents about this. They could set up a conference for you, your parents, and your teachers to talk and explain your situation and feelings and then you may feel more comfortable.

A Fellow High Schooler

Dear Fearful Freshman,

Although teachers are busy, they devote their time to being at school and to help students. Teachers encourage feedback and communication from their students. A suggestion for you is to find out if your teachers have after school hours. This way you can spend one-on-one time with your teacher, which may make you feel more comfortable discussing the anxieties you feel. You should also have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents because there must be a reason your parents don’t trust you handed in your assignment and you believe they doubt you. Communication is  important especially when you are feeling so misunderstood. Just remember that your teachers are here to help you anytime and want to see you succeed in school and life.

A Friend Who Cares

Dear Fearful Freshman,

Here’s the truth about teachers: They’re also human beings. Sometimes they may seem frustrated or annoyed, but they have good and bad days, just like the rest of us. However, that doesn’t mean that they’re not open to assisting you and helping you succeed. My suggestion would be to work on your fear and try to approach your teachers if you need their help. Make sure that you go to them at a proper time (not during class, for example). Even if you do approach them during lunch or another break, be sure to ask, “Is now a good time to talk?” If you teacher is busy, they’ll give you a better time to speak to them, then you will have their undivided attention.

A Caring Teen

Dear Fearful Freshman,

Do not be nervous to ask your teachers about your grades and assignments. Now, I know it’s easier said than done. Something you need to realize is that it’s your teachers job is to grade and handle your assignments. Sometimes they are busy and stressed. It’s a false mentality that you are having of bothering them. I recommend you to talk to them and fix your grades if they are lower than they should be. Change your mind-set and talk to them. Your teachers will most likely appreciate it, viewing you as responsible. You can’t go wrong with that – good luck.

A Friend Who Knows Where You Are Coming From

Dear Fearful Freshman,

Your teachers would feel bad to know that you were uncomfortable approaching them. You are observant to notice that some of your teachers are overwhelmed with their job. I recommend that you take the following steps: first, do your homework and research your school district policy about handing in late work when you are absent excused and unexcused. Next, review the syllabus your teacher handed out at the beginning of the school year which details grading and classroom rules and policies. Finally, contact your teacher in their preferred method of communication: in person, email, after class or their office hours. If you do not know their preferred method of communication, ask. Simply approach your teacher and say: “when is a good time to talk with you?” Teachers love to have students ask questions and express interest in their grades. You will find them very responsive if you chose the right time.

Dr. Renae